A Rose by any other name

I would like to tell you about my nanny.  My wonderful nanny who has turned out to be an absolute gem.  She is not a qualified nanny, in fact she is not qualified in any thing, she is a young(ish) domestic helper who has a passion for looking after children.  But what she lacks in qualifications and experience she makes up for in enthusiasm and love.  She is wonderful and I am very very lucky to have found her.  Her name is Rose and we are learning together.  We both read the childcare books and adapt all the advice for what works for our children.  And yes, I call them our children because I consider her an integral part of my family.  I trust her completely with my children and I know she has their best interests at heart.  I would be lost without Rose, I don’t go any where with out her. 

She has offered to do some night duty for me, taking one baby so that we each have one baby.  I’ve done this a few times and it works really well.  It is a pleasure to look after only one at night. 

I really am fortunate to have found someone as wonderful as Rose.  She honestly makes life so much easier for me.  It is because of her that I am able to give each child as much love and attention as a singleton.  There is always an extra set of arms to hold.  I had a nightmare the other night that she resigned.  It was terrible, traumatic.  I have already upped her salary to three times the going rate, because she is so damn wonderful and also because I am so damn scared she leaves.  I swear she keeps me sane. 

It is because of her that the horrible fog of depression that haunted me for the first four weeks has lifted.  I love Rose.  I swear I do.

Ok, enough going on about Rose. 

Now about the babes’ six week check up.  Both babes are ‘thriving’ according to the Dr.  He said I am doing an excellent job, YAY! I got another gold star in my anal chart book.

Adam is now 4.65kg / 10.25lb and Kate is now 4.2kg / 9.25lb.  Both babies are on the 50th percentile for babies born at term!!!  Winner babes.  And they are both tall babies.  And obviously extremely intelligent and gifted.  Adam is showing particular fortitude in Math and Kate in Physics.

On another note, I think I might get rid of the night nurse.  I just don’t feel entirely comfortable with her.  She is too rough, too clinical.  I don’t think she will harm the babies, but my little babies are used to being treated gently.  She bathed them tonight and Rose and I stood there with big eyes.  We do things so softly and gently.  You can see she has bathed hundreds of babies, but not very many with love.  Know what I mean?  It’s not any thing specific, it’s just too, um, mechanical.  I don’t know.  Maybe I am too soft and protective?  But still.  Decisions decisions.  I like the idea of a night off, but not at the expense of my babies.  There is enough time later on life for rough stuff, when you are so little you need lots of love and soft care.  At least that is how I feel. 

So there you have it, a mixed bag of news.  I might write about what my husband does to help.  Or I might not.  I love my husband.  He just doesn’t do crying babies very well.  And that’s ok with me, cos he does so much else for me.  Not every one is good at every thing.

I wish Rose had a clone. Then I wouldn’t need the damn night nurse, husband help etc. 

Forgive the rambling disjointed style of this post, I am having wine.  More than one glass.  YAY.  Love wine.  Night nurse on duty, so wine allowed.  Wine and then straight to bed.  Zzzzzzzzzzzzzz

Comments

[Carmen]

Am I really first? I don't believe it.

I'd nix the night nurse. Maybe Rose can come one night a week, and sleep the next day?

Your babies are stunning. Of course.

[Barbara (bp)]

Ditch the nite nurse.

give rose a hug for me. have her hug you for me.

HUGE kudos to you for paying this 'nanny' well!!! there are many who don't.

you get what you pay for. ;)

[Scully]

Do what's best for you and your situation.

I'm glad you have Rose as well.

It's 11:30 a.m. here, but in about 6 more hours, when hopefully you're sleeping, I will be in the wine.

[Expat]

I'm with Barbara, good on you for recognising her value.

(and good on her for loving your babies, although it may break her heart in the end)

[wix]

at the risk of repeating myself, i say that your babies are only babies once. if you are the kind who treats them gently, as i am, then lavish them with love and get rid of the nurse whose tactics don't follow suit.

as much as i think that the nurse is probably not doing anything that will harm them by not being as gentle as you might, it's the extra worry you have that makes her help not worth the price.

[MollieBee]

I want a Rose too, she sounds lovely.

You sound happy Tertia, have a nice sleep, kiss the babies for us.

[hols]

yay! im so glad you found rose. im glad she has helped you out of the depression funk. im glad that you are comfortable with her! and what an awesome experience for her too!

im sorry that the night nurse has not treated your babies the way you think they need to be treated. not that shes hurting them, but you know how delicate and precious they are to you....and they need to be treated with the best of care!
good luck to you and your family!

[Wavery]

So glad you're getting on well. What a triumph.

[Krissy]

I'm someone who thinks that there's nothing wrong with your little ones experiencing different styles, such as the mechanical night-nurse, but in many other ways she seems to be a bad fit.

I'm far more inclined to agree that if she's not getting you any sleep or easing your burden (add to that that her style makes you uncomfortable) it's money thrown away.

I'm glad you have Rose. She sounds incredible. Our Day Care Provider is much the same. She has an instinct with kids and Charlie loves her to pieces. We actually need a day care that goes later in the evening but we haven't looked because we really don't want to take Charlie away from Diana.

Ditch the night nurse. Is there any reason you can't advertise for a new one? There must be a nighttime Rose out there for you.

[mijk]

Wow and wow. my Yasha has been for her 6 weeks checkup today(six weeks today!) and she is 5 kg exactly. But she is a singleton, was 41 weeks gestation, 3,6 kilo's when born and she is just a big baby way bigger than the 2 babies her age I know. Adam and Kate are really doing well!

Mijk

P.S. Love it that on your blog I can understand the weights. Strange americans with their strange systems....

[Soupy Samiam]

Go with your gut and fire the night nurse. If you need another one, hold out for a gem like Rose. She sounds wonderful.

[Tracey Dixon]

My God... after reading that blog, I think that I love Rose too!

Glad to hear that things are going better.

[Tine]

Kisses from Minnesota to the lovely Rose. God bless 'er! Kisses to the chunky little monkeys, too. They look like they're doing wonderfully. As for you, I think I'll join you in a glass of wine, and let's toast to what a great job you're doing.

[Susan]

Lose the night nurse. Let Rose and your mum take one baby each on differernt nights and then see if you can get them to take a baby each on the same night so you still get one night off and they're not too put upon.

Lucky for you to have found someone like Rose.

Enjoy that wine, T. As the Romans used to say Vino Vita Est! Which literally can be translated from Latin 2 different ways - Wine is Life or Life is Wine.

The World may never know...

P.S. Thanks to all of Tertia's faithful readers who stepped over to PCB to help me out. Wonderful group of gals over here at your pad, T.

Susan

[Annie]

If you don't like the way that someone is being with your babies, then find someone else! She is not the only night nurse in your area, is she? You are going to have lots of people clash with your parenting style and you are going to have to decide what is ok with you. I personally can't deal with people like that, especially if I am paying them and they are supposed to be taking care of my kid. No fucking way! I am a softy kind of mommy like you too. Anyway, I wanted to say that I am glad that you have a gem like Rose. She sounds like a wonder!

[Rachel]

Some slightly different advice..

Have you spoken to her (the night nurse) about your problems with her (mechanical style, feels taht it's fine to let one baby cry while she feeds the other, etc.) maybe just a gentle conversation will fix things right up.

Or maybe she'll come back with "no, my way is best" at which point you can her.

[Day]

We SO LOVE ROSE.

Rose DOES need to be cloned; that night nurse? Perhaps not. But I'm with Rachel - maybe a gentle talk would help things. If it doesn't, you know for sure then to lose her and quickly.

And you go girl - drinking that wine. Good for you!

[Jeannette]

Get rid of the night nurse. Your instincts are there for a reason.

[Amber]

Rose rocks. Thank her for me.

[Cherith]

Trust your instincts.

[Karen]

T., I don't post much but I read daily and love your blog. Adam and Kate sound fantastic and we all give you a gold star for being such a terrific mommy! Hurray Tertia!

One comment about husbands...although Marko may not "do crying babies" well, these are his babies, and there's no time like the present. It might make him uncomfortable and it might make him cringe, but I think there should be an effort on your part and Rose's to give him some pointers and let him work with a baby every day. He will get it. It's not rocket science as they say. And it will be important later on when he needs to be strongly bonded to them so you can get some Tertia time.

JMO. You're the best!

[Katrin]

I've been reading your blog for a while, but have never left a comment.

I'd talk to the night nurse- mothers know best eh? If she doesn't agree then let her go. She's probably worked for so many families who believe in bringing up their children in different ways.

About Marco. He sounds lovely from what I've read about him. Maybe he could take them out in their stroller for a while, walk around a couple of blocks to give you some me-time. My girls used to love being in their strollers- they'd sit and watch the world go by. They probably would be too interested in what was happening around them to cry that much.

Rose sounds fantastic, you're so lucky to have her (as you know).

Katrin

[Heidi]

Not to toot my own horn, but I was once a Rose! I was a nanny to a little boy that I met when he was 4 months old and I love him still with all my heart. He will always be my "first child". He is now 13!!! Fortunately like you, his parents recognized the value of me and how much I not only cared for her child but loved him too. I took the job with the understanding that it would be for 6 months. I ended up staying with them for nearly 3 years!

Your Rose is a gem and you are smart to see the value in her and pay her what she is worth!

I once overheard a group of moms talking about how much they paid their nannies (and complaining about how much it was) only to hear the person I was working for pipe up to say that she paid me more than the going rate and that I was worth it. Just then, her little boy saw me (I had just arrived to take over) and came running across the room and into my arms, and I heard one mom say to my employer "She's worth every penny." I've never forgotten that.

My "little boy" served as the ring bearer at my wedding and I hope to dance at his one day!

I hope that your Rose gets the opportunity to watch your babies grow up and continues to be a part of their lives.

When it comes right down to it qualifications and experience do not a good nanny or childcare giver make, but passion, love and a caring nature are far more valuable. Granted I had the qualifications too....I was "on a break" from my elementary school teaching job! :-)