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Water wings are life-savers!

So far so good, T.

Your head is still above water! Hang in there, it will get better...easier. You are doing a great job!

There are days when you think they are only screaming, red, satan monkeys. And then they learn to smile and flap their arms and coo when you walk into the room. And then it's worth it.

Before then, however, they are little screaming monkeys.

Also, our son had horrible problems burping, so we did the Dance of the Burp, in which my husband would hold Zach upright against his chest, and then bend his torso forwards, backwards, side to side, etc., while patting on the back in an effort to tilt Zach enough different ways that the gas bubble could work its way to the top somehow. Don't know how much it helped, but I found that going up and down stairs while trying to burp worked too (the extra jostling?), and it helped work off the pregnancy ass I had grown.

If the wave gets really big, it's OK to go under until it passes. Just make sure to keep blowing out through your nose, and you'll float to the top again.

Courage.

Just wanted to let you know I was thinking about you.

Oh Tertia - big huge hugs to you! I know it's so hard. I waited 13 years for my daughter and when she finally was here...I didn't have a clue and cried and cried wondering WTF I had gotten myself into. It will all fall into place somehow and you'll look back and wonder how you did it.

Coping vibes to you

I'm sorry you had to cancel your appt, and even sorrier to hear that you haven't gotten any sleep. {{{hug}}}

How brave of you to venture out, though!

I hope you get a chance to float on your back a bit, and avoid total exhaustion.

XOXOXO
Jennifer

Tertia, I'm glad you're being honest with yourself and with all of us about how hard it is to get through the first few weeks of motherhood. The combination of massive hormone fluctuations, no sleep, constant screaming, and your own inner desire to be the perfect mother... it could drive any woman up a wall. Just don't forget to take care of yourself. Don't feel selfish for turning the babies over to Marko or the nanny while you take a long bath, or a walk, or a nap. Good mothers need to go off duty sometimes. We aren't robots!

And it will get easier, much much easier. In the meantime, keep bitching, I love to read it.

I promise you this: it WILL get easier. It will. Keep floating, darlin'. You're doing just great.

And, you rock for being honest about the whole deal. I really think women need to eliminate the words "you should be grateful for . . ." from their vocabulary, particularly when advising other women. I shudder to ponder the disturbing emotional issues of the person who could read your blog and find you an ingrate.

What I am amazed about is that you're together enough to post coherently - like so many of the tough IVF moms posting around here. You're more focused than you're giving yourself credit for. Took me 4 months with just one...

after 6 1/2 yrs of ttc, and 7 cycles, 3 m/c, we brought our ds home. one month later, i looked at my dh and said "What have we done? we had a quiet house, plenty of sleep" . i was so ashamed to think it. lack of sleep does strange things to you. my sister looked at me shortly after that and commented on the black rings under my eyes and said "hang in there, it gets better at the 3 month mark". it does - - it really does.

sleep whenever possible.

Hey T - hang in there girl. Go day by day and before you know it the waters will calm. I resorted to playing "static" on my car radio to handle a 30 minute ferry ride with my screaming twins. I've also resorted to running the vaccuum and clothes dryer to get them to sleep at the same time. Schedules are crutial...but more importantly is your sleep. Do what you can and know that sometimes a good group cry is also ok... You are doing a magnificent job and coping much better than you realize.

{{hug}}

Tertia don't force yourself to do any appointments you aren't up to. I once went to brunch because I felt obligated, and I had literally had one hour's sleep the night before. I was bitchy (okay I am usually bitchy) and practically asleep in the salmon moose. The baby slept next to me the whole time. We should have been home both asleep.

On the other hand if you need to go out for sanity, go.

It will get better. I promise!!!

Both of my kids hated the carseat when they were little, especially my younger son. We once spent a delightful hour (seemed like 12) driving through the mountains, trying to get to a vacation rental, while the baby howled like he was being murdered by his carseat and the older child howled because he had to go to the bathroom. Yeah, those were good times.

It actually does get better. It's hard to believe it right now, but it does. In a couple of months the carseat will become a place where they fall asleep, and then you will be anxious to take long, meandering drives to nowhere just for the quiet. Really.

Love your honesty. Babies are hard, no doubt about it.

I can't say for sure, but I've heard it'll get easier. My step daughter's 17 now, I'll let you know

To give you some perspective in how amazing it is that you're caring for twins, posting to an award-winning blog, and going on outings (or even trying!), here is the Japanese schedule for new mothers with vaginally-birthed singletons:

1st week: hospital (nurses care for baby)
2nd week: in your pjs in the futon (someone else cooks, cleans, and does laundry--you care for babe as you can in bed)
3rd week: can change to loungewear, but stay mostly in futon
4th week: can begin minor household tasks and begin to wear street clothes
5th week: can go out, but not in public with baby

Though it seemed oppressive to me at the time, I think there is some wisdom in that schedule or in something like it. You should rest and heal and so should the babes. I don't think anyone should expect anything more. Take it easy on yourself, Tertia. There is a whole lifetime to be out and about with Adam and Kate. Let the high life come to you for a while!

We're cheering for you, as always.

Hang in there, sweetie. You're doing a great job. It will get easier I think, especially when you can get a bit more shut-eye.

Hats off to you for getting them both in the car. Getting two babies fed, changed, dressed is an accomplishment!!

I'm not the prayerful type, but yesterday I said a prayer that someone would help you & you'd get some sleep. I hope the prayer is just a little jetlagged from its trip to Africa and will start taking effect today.

Hey, you're doing great! Think about it, you got them cleaned up, fed, dressed, in the carseats, and managed to actually drive a little. One step at a time. When you feel like it, you try it again. and again and again, until it works some day. No harm in turning around and going home if it's too much. You've got the right idea. Don't do anything that is stressing you out more than it's worth.

Tertia, you just rock. Hang in there. Have you ever seen "Finding Nemo"? Just keep swimming, just keep swimming...

DebbieS

I'm in awe that you even attempted to get out of the house with both babies so quickly! Doesn't matter whether you made it to the appointment or not, just the attempt is V impressive! Hang in there Tertia.

*adding one of those tacky inflatable vests to your water wings*

Water wings kick ass...somehow, that doesn't sound right, but you know what I mean.

Jsut keep swimming and take up others when they offer to help keep you afloat.

The first days are so hard. Is there a way you could have your Mom and the nanny take the babies for a good block of time so you could sleep? You will need to get yourself some earplugs, pop a couple of Tylenol PMs (or something similar) and try to erase everything from your mind, if even for a few hours.

I remember imagining I was hearing DD cry even when she wasn't, so I had to get earplugs before I went insane. It was like the Silence of the Lambs ... could always hear the lambs screaming.

Hope today is a better day and night for you. It will get easier.

Hang in there girly!! I second the "white noise" approach...it's amazing how it helps!!

And where is that nanny? Why isn't she hoarding the babes while you take a nap?! lol!! Take care of yourself and thank you for being honest!!

It is so hard to get out of the house sometimes. My little one used to scream in the car and I had to cancel MANY appts. I got to where I took someone with me on all appt. so they could sit in the back and hold the bottle while I drove. Maybe you can reschedule when someone could go along with you.

You're doing a great job Tertia!

I remember once trying to take the two girls out to a pediatrician appt. My mother had driven about an hour to come help me, because I had no car and was too inept to walk to the doctor on time. It was absolute chaos trying to get them dressed, diapers changed, crud wiped off various parts, and out of the apartment on time. In the middle of all of this mess, my cleaning woman who was there at the time tells me that we need to "talk." I should have said "not now, later" but I couldn't resist asking about what. She said that things were too messy and disorganized in the apartment, and it was interfering with her ability to do her job. My cleaning woman told me I was too much of a pig for her! In front of my mother! While I was late for a doctor's appt. I just gave her a withering look, and skulked out of the apartment. I was so humiliated. I proceeded to get my finger stuck in the stroller mechanism while I was folding it up to put in the trunk, which hurt like a MFer, and couldn't figure out how to strap the babies into their carseats, and they screamed blood murder the whole time. We made it to the doctor -- an entire hour late. It is a 10 minute drive away. Luckily, he was understanding and still saw us. But then my mother and I took the babies for a stroll and to a nice lunch at a restaurant nearby that let us park the stroller next to us, and the rest of the day was fine. I hope the rest of your day was fine, too.

You will find your way of getting out the door, and the babies will get used to the car, and probably grow to like it, or you'll just learn to tune out the crying. I couldn't go anywhere in a car without my mommy in the beginning. And every appt. left me on the verge of tears. It gets better, it really does. Although I'm always late for everything, always.

Tertia,

Everyone here is soooo right. It is quite an accomplishment to be able to get them ready and into the car, let alone get to an appointment! I never realized how hard it is to time it to get the babies dressed, fed, changed and strapped in with enough time to pack their bag (with the change of clothes because they'll inevitably throw up) and get in the car and get going...all in the same day!! No matter that you didn't get anywhere, that'll come soon enough!

You echo all of our thoughts and experiences. Thank you!

Love you T. Gorgeous.

Don't forget that water wings work best in a matched pair, just like your beautiful twins are a perfect matched pair! I'm just trying to say that there's a natural order to the universe, sometimes it just takes a little bit longer for us to figure out how to work with that order. We love you V v much!

DO accept help! Some hours(!) of sleep will do you good. These wishes from a mother of two (who are now 3 and 1, thankgoodness!).

You are doing a GREAT job. Your babies are beauties.

Tertia -

You are doing a marvelous job. It is so not easy, especially with twins. Every mom of twins that I know says that taking care of twins is MORE than twice as much work as caring for a single.

In order to take care of your twins, you must also take care of yourself. Get someone to get groceries for you so you can eat. You need your strength.

And, yes, sleep whenever you can. If someone offers to help, take the help.

Take care of yourself, sweetie.

Hang in there Tertia.

If you have the time, and eventually you will, in about 3 or 4 months, come back and read your posts and comments from these first hectic days. Right now it's hard to believe that things will get better, and when they do, you can look back and see that. Then, when you see other people in the first hectic days after a new baby, you can assure them that things do get better. :)

Can you get a home visit?
Sarah

Just as everyone said, this will get better. I can't imagine how you do it with twins - I was in a fog for the first year with just one baby. My daughter was a sleep-all-day, scream-all-night kind of girl. Inexplicably, the vacuum soothed her. Most of the time, though, I had to hold her in one arm and push the vacuum with the other. Just running the vacuum and leaving her in the bouncy seat didn't do it for her. Also, be shameless in your requests for help. I had family around that wanted to help, but didn't know what to offer to do (and to me holding a sleeping baby isn't "help"). So, if you have folks hanging around put 'em to work. If they mind, that's their problem.

Take care.

I can sympathize. Brought my baby with me to the 6 week post partum visit, and she screamed the whole time we were in the waiting room (20-30 minutes). She was constipated. I cancelled and rescheduled - the nurse didn't even have to ask why I was cancelling. LOL. 2 other babies in the waiting room were sleeping peacefully in their carseats for their mommies, and I was supposed to be the veteran (2nd baby).

Hang in there - you seem to be in much better shape with 2 than I was after my first was born, just a singleton. It was only after it was over that I realized I should have gotten medical help for depression. I resented the baby - she screamed all the time while awake (and I'm not exaggerating, have friends and family to corroborate), and I felt like I'd been deceived into some idea of how motherhood would be.

One thing I'd like to add is that if Kate continues to have trouble PLEASE find something that works for her. Continue to bug your doctor until you get her settled. I wish I'd done this with my first, who had terrible reflux, but I was too afraid of being labeled a PITA first time mother.

I've been following your story since TLOL, a long time lurker, but I wanted to chime in with support.

You're doing so great girl.

can someone tell me how long a man takes after passing a kidney stone before he goes to work? And how long before he feels fit for housework?
How long does this take after a major abdominal surgery? I mean any other surgery, but a caesar?
How long for a removal of a growth that took a lot of nutrients and poisoned the organism (like, let's say, cancer, not baby, that doesn't count).
...
Now, for starting a new job. 24 hours on call, full responsibility for life and wellbeing of others, no training, no on-the-job support, no introductory period and orientation. Minimal sleep. Which workers' union would let something like that happen.
---
Mix the recuperation and new job.
---
What is the likelihood of the new worker finding it hard?
---
Let's not blame hormones. Every person with absolutely perfect hormone system would find it rather hard.
Of course, weird chemicals in your body don't help.
Or if you're breastfeeding: adding up to 1kg/month onto someone else's body (imagine: you need to digest food, produce food, then it needs to be digested again, used for general living needs and still build 1kg of bone and muscle: how much energy is being used in this process).
End of rant.
Got it off my chest.

Apprarently postnatal depression is culture-based. Here is Australia it is v. frequent, but it is said that Vietnamese women hardly ever get it. It is also said, that they spend the first month pretty much in bed, with baby being brought in to be fed and then taken away. Hmm..

hold on, the sleep improves over time

Just remember, it won't always be like this! I promise it will get easier.

Hang in there, love. It does get better! I will be thinking of you!!

Someday you will have a high tolerance for hearing babies cry--you will carry on as if nothing were happening.

I didn't attempt any appointments out of the house with ONE baby by myself until, I'd say, a good two months after he came home from the hospital. I made other people come along with us to make those appointments a little easier on me. Go easy on yourself!

Hang in there Tertia. You are doing great! Thinking of you.

Hey! I'm impressed that you made it back home. I remember when my son was 3 or 4 weeks & I was a post partum mess.
Such a mess that I couldn't even make it back home and my hubby had to come with a driver to get me. I don't even remember getting back home I was in such a slobbering funk.

Listen to your inner voice. It will guide you in knowing what to do for and to your children. Remember that they are learning to be on the outside just as you are learning to care for them as a mommy.

I know you will be ok, just as we were. The reason that I know this is because you love your babies. You fought fucking hard to get them here. You won't give up now either.

One thing that helped me was to pull him into bed with me, skin to skin and just talk about all the things that I wanted to tell him about. All those other things can wait Tertia.

You are doing F A B U L O U S ! ! !

I have an ten week old who now "sleeps like a baby" but the first few weeks were another story. Sleep deprivation is a v. bad thing. At three weeks after not much sleep, I was a little looney. Thank goodness my mom stopped by one night around that time to see the baby and happened to notice the bags under my eyes and the tears in them. The few hours she gave me that afternoon to sleep (& cry)without having to deal with the baby was just what I needed. I felt like a new person the next day.

Morale of the story - it does get better (very soon) but until it does you need to find a way to get some sleep. Like the poster said above, have your mom, nanny, sister, anyone who is willing that you trust to take over for a few hours so you can get some uninterrupted sleep. It will do wonders for you and your babies will not be the wiser.

Good luck to you - your cute babies are lucky to have such a wonderful mom.

You are gorgeous and divine.

As a mother of a 3-week-old, I hear you EVERY step of the way, Tertia. Let's just keep plugging away and waiting for that moment when "It gets easier" like everyone says will happen...

I didn't go anywhere w/o someone in the car w/me for the first couple of trips. Don't try to be Superwoman - get some help, save your sanity - you'll need it later!!

As Dory from Finding Nemo says "Just keep swimming, just keep swimming, just keep swimming ... "

I THINK YAL'LL SUCK!!!!!

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