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Tertia, you really need to either put that into a pamphlet for the Fertility Center waiting rooms (I've never read anything so honest and helpful at the very place it should be available) or expand it into a book.

That was excellent - thank you.

You really need to write a book on IF and put this as chapter 1. Have you ever thought about becoming a counselor for couples going through IF? Really, I'm serious.

Great stuff!


That was an amazing post. Thank you. Just when I really needed it.

BRAVO!!!!! Excellent post!
Will you marry me?

Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

I. LOVE. YOU. As someone who is *finally* (big sigh of relief here) about to start the whole treatment process in order to do IVF, this is just what I needed to hear. I'll definitely be sharing this w/the hubby, and anyone else whom I feel is being an asshat about my cycle (not that hubby is an asshat...ok, well, not today...but I just want to share this w/him).

Mwah!! (big sloppy kiss)


Tertia, I've been a lurker on your blog, since Ben. And I have to say, that reading your blog, has helped me through my dark times of dealing with 2 chemical IVF cycles. There have been times when I've laughed and cried at the same time.

You really should write a book! You know exactly how to express your feelings, and not many people can do that.

Thank you for getting me out of lurker mode.


Thank you for the wonderful post. It definitely made me think about my actions...or lack there of.

I was feeling at an all time low. That post helped. Good timing!

Delurking to say that is simply perfect. I needed this today especially. I've printed it up and will take it home to post on the fridge (where all important documents seem to go in our house).

You are brilliant. Seriously, you really should consider a career move (even though you love your tech geek--your words, not mine--career) into counseling infertile couples or writing a book on surviving IF.

You continue to inspire me in so many ways. Thank you.

Great post. Write a book - you have enough time on your hands :) for now...

Good stuff!! Fantastic!! Well said! Three cheers! you get the idea


You've said the things I've only thought about. I love you for saying it. ((hugs)) Really I do. It means so much to me.


To ditto what everyone else has said, seriously, write a book.

I mean, you're on bed rest....what other fascinating, enlightening things do you have to do?! ;)

Not being infertile myself (that I know of), the variety of blogs I've found online (grrl, julie, julia, the other julie, you, oliva, etc) has really opened my eyes to the scourge that is infertility. You would do your sisterhood a great service to publish your wisdom.

And just maybe fertiles (like me) will pick it up as they wander B&N with their three children (not like me), peruse a few pages, become incredibly shamed and never give assvice again.

Think of the good you'd do!

I am delurking to say your blog has bumped INCIID to number #2 on my list of Sites I Visit Daily.

I am eternally barren. My IVF's didn't work. My asswipe of a husband recently abandoned me for a younger, thinner, fertile model. I see that you already have many pending proposals of marriage, but please add me to your list of Women I'd Considering Marrying If Marko's Evil Alter-Ego Decides to Surface Permanently Making Him No Longer Suitable As a Husband.

Truly! I'd make a great father!

xoxo from across the world,

Yet another brilliant post that 1) I wish I had written, 2) should be required reading for my family, friends, and everyone else on this planet, and 3) which made my day so much better. Thanks Tertia.

This is so fucking brilliant. Seriously--publish this.

Thank you so very much for your post. It didn't feel like advice I was reading, just knowledge being passed along from someone who gets it.

Wonderful. Refreshing.

This is wonderful.
I love all of your blog, but if you had only posted one thing in your life, and this was it, I would love you forever.
You are amazing.


So SO well said.

Wow I paid for lots of counseling when I could have just read this instead!

Best wishes and thank you.

This is a major gift to infertiles everywhere. I am going to print this and tape it to my wall. Or put it in my palm pilot. Or maybe have it etched onto my eyeballs. You get the idea. Brilliant, helpful, kindly words, Tertia. You rock.

Brilliant post. Thanks!

This is awesome. I got to the Don't Feel Less Worthy and you know me......but you wrote this all so well. I agree, you should write a book, you have such a talent for saying what so many others think and what so many others NEED to know!

Thank you for this

Beautiful post.

Hows the house arrst going?

Are you still available on your norml email ad? Drop me a mail sometime so I know you are still okay.

What a kind, thoughtful and well spoken person you are.

I have a good friend who is at the beginning of this slippery road and I'm going to send her this link now...

What a kind, thoughtful and well spoken person you are.

I have a good friend who is at the beginning of this slippery road and I'm going to send her this link now...

Well you really tell it like it is! So, so, so true. The having a Plan B one is really crucial for me... Thank you, I think I will be reading this many times.

You words are amazing. Thank you so much for making me feel better about all the thoughts that I am having as I go through the process. There are only a few people in the world that know EXACTLY how I feel - and you are definitely one of them. Thanks for your honesty and making me feel that I am NOT crazy. I truly appeciate the time and effort you took to put your experience in words. Thank you.

Reading Tertia's article in Shape June edition really brought me back to relaity. Having undergone AI and IVF since the beginning of last year, I am slowly starting to lose faith. Yet, as I have a goal in having another child, I need to forge on. Reading all the info that has been posted was very enlightening. To be quite honest, I don't know how many IVF treatments I have had and I cant really remember hpow many AI's. One clearly poignant moment was falling pregnant naturally earlier on this year and for a brieg moment I was ecstatically happy. However, joy short lived, I miscarried a few weeks later. But I know that I will succeed, I just pray and hope every month that this will be the month. Thank you Tertia, for your absolute honesty - goes a long way in helping another mom in the making.

Hi Tertia,

I'm from Singapore and I chanced upon your blog today while doing a yahoo search on 'God's words about infertility'. I've been on this journey since I wed 6 years ago and lost a dear baby son to premature birth last Oct. Now, as I struggle to come to terms with his 1st death anniversary, I am so touched to read your insights. Indeed, it's true that we owe loyalty to ourselves. Why must I celebrate other people's PG and coo over their newborns when I'm hurting like a wretch inside? Why must I act tough when what they have are what I yearn so much for?

Your blog has been a source of strength for me. May God bless you and your two little ones. P.S. It's my secret desire to be a mummy of twins too - double the joy!

Tertia...You definitely need to put this into a pamphlet for Fertility Clinic/Centre waiting area all over the world!!!!!It was great reading your blog,especially after without any good reason we have to terminate our IVF cycle because my body just didn't react to the treatments!This is just what anyone need to read when they go through an IVF...1...2..3.
Thanks a million and all the best.


u encourage me to go on trying for babies thru ivf even when i got pregnant n miscarriaged. that was excellent amazing post! thanx so much! keep it up!


u encourage me to go on trying for babies thru ivf even when i got pregnant n miscarriaged. that was excellent amazing post! thanx so much! keep it up!


u encourage me to go on trying for babies thru ivf even when i got pregnant n miscarriaged. that was excellent amazing post! thanx so much! keep it up!


u encourage me to go on trying for babies thru ivf even when i got pregnant n miscarriaged. that was excellent amazing post! thanx so much! keep it up!


u encourage me to go on trying for babies thru ivf even when i got pregnant n miscarriaged. that was excellent amazing post! thanx so much! keep it up!

just love this site. someone has just posted your link on fertility friends and i popped in as i am waiting for american idol to start!! you must write a book on how to survive infertility. i am pregnant but the way you write reminds me just what a bitch that journey is.

keep writing...


A good read, and thanx. Not entirely directed at males but anyway, i'll sift through it as much as possible :)

Any idea of support groups etc for males ??

I always love these posts because it reminds me to think as sensitively as I can.

Most of my friends are certainly nowhere near the child-wanting stage, we're all 19 and 20, but I know some women older than me who have struggled to get pg, and I am so glad I've found you and Julie and Grrl and Danae because you've schooled me in What To Do So I Don't Suck.

I found this post on a day when I really needed the advice. What a great post . . . thanks for having it out here. Many, many thanks!

Thanks Tertia for this post. I only found it now...but I guess it never goes out of fashion! I linked it on my blog under the "written by others" category. Wise words.

Thanks again! And I really do love your blog, mostly what you write, but I also love the pics of Adam and Kate. They are so adorable!


I just came across your blog and I just needed to say Thank you.

This is absolutely what I needed to hear. Thank God for the Internet, which can bring the voice of reason and comfort to the U.S. from South Africa. Thank you!

This is a great blog, very informative and interesting. Thanks :)


Your blog makes me feel so much better about myself, so much less obsessed about being 'perfect', whatever that is. You say it like it is, which is just what I and all the other IFers out there need.



Infertility is a very serious problem and it's very difficult to cope with it.But there are decisions after all-adopting is one them.

Who helps the poor infertile who cant afford IVF in SA?

What can I do? I been not able to have a second child. my first was at age 20 he was born October 29,1992. At,age 25 he was asking me for a little sister. I been trying to get a second child since 25 yrs of age. I had a miscarriage in mARCH 2002. THE DOCTORS NEVER EVEN GAVE ME A D&C SURGER AFTER THE MISCARRIAGE. I hae been suffer about pain periods and heavy clot type bleeding ever since that miscarriage. The doctors I am complainng to know are alone concern with my weight probably and getting my hypothyroidism under control. I obese because of my depression because I have failed at giving my husband a baby. That is all he seems to what. He is not my first son father. That man abandon us. I guess my husband biological clock is ready andwanting children. And, my body is fixing to head to the start of the age when doctor want to tell us it is not health to have children at 40. I an going to be 36 this September. My mother start her menopause at 40yrs of age and at 50 she was done going through the procedure. So I am can not hand not being able to have that second child.

I just happened upon this blog....I am sitting here at the table with my husband as we are doing our homework, fighting back tears so he wouldn't notice me about to burst into a huge cry, I manage to hold myself together long enough to get through this reading. I am so happy that i came across this blog...I was in desperate need of some help....(these periods are my pause to gather my tears so I can see what I'm typing)...........I would like to talk to you about my story, no offense to no one but, I just need to talk.......................

I laughed and cried my way through this. You really should sell this, a book, a leaflet....this is only thing I have found that has made me feel truly normal in the craziness of my IVF journey.

Thanks for your post. My marriage has been almost ruined by this whole process. My husband has been zero empathetic and told me after the egg retrieval with anesthesia "oh, that was no big deal. People have surgery everyday." This round didn't work and I don't know where to find the money to go for another one, but emotionally I HAVE to try again!

I can't thank you enough. I found out tonight, that the last girl on our friend group is pregnant. I am starting the infertility treatment, But, when people ask, I always say, "we are thinking of having kids" instead of the truth. That maybe we cant. I was horrified, embarrassed. Now, I know I am not alone, and next time, I can tell the truth. It's going to be a lot harder for me, but I am not any less of a woman. I am strong! Thank you!

Thank you. Thank you, thank you, thank you, for writing this. I cried and laughed through some of it. I wish I had someone like you in my daily life. Good luck to you...

You have no idea how much this post has helped me. THANK YOU!

Well, I didn't know this blog existed. I was looking for... hell I can't even remember anymore, and stumbled on this site. Half way through I started crying uncontrollably. How many times did I patiently listen to family telling us to accept our fate and be childless forever? How many kids birthday parties and babyshowers did I host/attend while I was screaming on the inside? I'm so tired of hearing how I should cope with this. Reading this blog was so liberating; I feel like a woman again. For 7 years I've felt like an empty vessel.

Thank you for the clarity. I'm going to keep trying. I'm going to do what's good for me now.

Awesome!!! That is all I can say about this post! I know this is old, but it could not be more correct & needed. We have been TTC for about 16 months now & NOTHING! It is so frustrating & overwhelming! No one knows we are TTC so I can't talk to anyone except my fiance about it & my friends on the parenting website who are also TTC! I swear I could have written that post myself. Like someone else said you really should make that a pamplet &/or book!!!:) Thanks a million for reminding me I am not alone!!!!! Oh & congrats on the new addition!!

Excellent post, I've mentioned it on one of my forums.

Infertility in some Western countries seems to be a taboo, like naked people (looked upon as some kind of weirdo in the UK), when it infertility is normal amongt the human population.

My cousin eventually got pregnant (no it's not mine!) after 4 years of trying, but as she was testing so many things at that time we have no idea which one worked.

Great post ... Good read!

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