Reality Check

I got the most devastating news this morning. A good IF friend of mine went into labor last night, she was 25w5d pg with twins. She suddenly got contractions and they rushed her to hospital. They couldn’t stop the labor and so her twins were delivered this morning by C-section. The neonatalist said her babies are doing fine. Her little girl had to be resuscitated at birth but is now ok and they are both on vents. They were just under two pounds each.

This is devastating news. On so many levels. Lauren and I have had similar paths. She lost her twin boys last year at 18w due to an IC. This time she had a stitch put in. So we had both lost twin boys.

Then we got pg together on IVF’s, she is six days ahead of me, also a boy and a girl.

We have both been on bed rest and have been emailing each other and comparing notes.

What an enormous reality check. No matter how good you are feeling one day, there is no guarantee you wont go into labor the next day.

That is what happened to me with Ben at 25w6d. I was fine, then within four hours I went from ‘crampy’ to full contractions and 5cm dilated. There was also no way they could stop the labor. This has brought those memories and fears sharply back into focus.

The problem is that with an irritable uterus, being pg with twins etc, is that you get crampy often. But how do you know when those crampy feelings will turn into a contraction? How do you know when the BH’s become real labor contractions? And this after I had such a crampy day yesterday.

Lauren has been so good on bed rest, even better than I. I am petrified beyond belief. And we are supposed to be ‘grateful’ to be pg? Yeah right. It’s not about the pg, it’s about healthy babies.

Lauren is apparently doing well, she is being very brave and strong and hopeful for her babies.

However as some of you might know, the NICU is a long, hard, difficult process of two steps forward, one step back. Lauren and her husband have such a difficult time ahead of them. Their babies will be in NICU for at least 3 months. And apparently through all of this she was worried about me! About how I would feel. What an amazing woman.

For those of you who pray, please pray. For the rest of you, please rub your Buddha doll, light your candles, burn your incense or speak to your ancestors, whatever, but these babies have to make it and be fine. She can’t lose more children. Tess, when your email is up, could you say a few prayers for her?

Lauren, my brave, strong friend, well done and congrats Mommy on the birth of your beautiful little boy and girl.

PS: thank you Jen and Brid, for looking so frantically for me, for staying up late to find me first, and tell me in person, before I read the news on our board. Thank you for thinking of me, and thank you Jen for talking me through it this morning, you helped me calm down, thank you.

PPS: I am scared.

Comments

[gaile]

Tertia, i've been reading your blog for a few months now. Our prayers are with you and your babies, and with Lauren's as well. Please try to hang on to peace and calmness, and we will all be sending the same your way.

[Emily]

Prayers for Lauren and her beautiful children.

Prayers for you as well.

xxxxoooo

[eM]

We'll be thinking of your friend T. x

[Boulder]

Oh Tertia,

Of course you are scared. It is just too real some days, isn't it? Please take good care of yourself (heart & soul) and know that just as I'm thinking of your friend Lauren's little ones, I'm thinking of you and your's.

Boulder

[Wavery]

T.
What your friend is going through is tremendously difficult. It is not what you're going through. I really hope you can somehow figure out how to take a break from all the stress that is the last week.
Thinking of you and your friend.

[Sheen]

Tersh,

I am praying for Lauren and her babies as I type this very second!!!! Remember that the stats can be good for some people when it comes to preemies, I know that sounds absurd, especially coming from me to you when our own babies didn't make it, but we DO know that it can be done, God willing.

You are on my mind all the time and I report back to my mom about you every day. Im hoping all goes well with you, and Lauren and all four of the precious little buggers.

Lots of love and hugs and thoughts and prayers, and toe crossing too.

Mwah!!!!(kiss kiss for A&K)

***Please God, let them all be safe***

[sheridan]

De-lurking for the first time to let you know that I am praying for Lauren and her babies, and also you, Adam and Kate.

Go easy on yourself. My thoughts are with you.

SP

[Jody]

Tertia, I cannot imagine the terror that you're feeling. None of the triplet moms who delivered before me while I was in hospital were friends. And I was petrified, even knowing nothing about them.

Not that you need anyone to suggest this, but please do go in for as many Live Baby and cervical length checks as you need. Hey, you're already good friends with that U/S wand--why not stay on nice, intimate terms for the duration?

I'll be saying prayers for Lauren and her new babies, and for you.

Jody

Oh, for what it's worth to share contraction stories, I was hospitalized from 27 weeks until delivery at 32.5 weeks, and never stopped contracting the whole time. I had a witching hour when the contractions would bump up to 10-12 an hour, and then they would settle down to my usual 4-6 an hour. I never did figure out what effect those contractions had on my pregnancy: I finally delivered after PROM late one afternoon, and it was the computer's fault. See, I ignored my self-imposed laptop limits and delayed my nap an hour to waste more time on the internet. I'll never stop believing that I might have held on longer if I'd just shut off the computer and taken that nap. But I also know I'm absurd. Point is, you can't know the difference between contractions that change the cervix and those that don't (mine never did, and my cervix was still closed tight when they removed the stitch in the O/R before the babies were delivered). So when in doubt, go meet up with that U/S wand and that contraction belt and put your mind a little more at ease for a few hours, at least.

[Cherith]

Tertia,

Lauren is such a brave, sweet soul. I cried buckets when Jen told me her thoughts were of protecting you from this news. How selfless can a person be?

We are all scared with you hon, but we will also all be here with you to the very end, whatever the end may be. And just so you know, I am banking on 4 healthy and happy babies and two happy mommies when all is said and done.

You are doing great. This news has been difficult and scary, but really realize that nothing has changed in YOUR body since yesterday. That cervix is still nice and long and closed and that is the best news there is right now. I am not at all telling you not to be scared, there is no other way that you could be. But if you can, try to focus on what is positive for your little ones. And don't forget to just roll with your feelings. (I lecture too much, shutting up now.)

Always in my thoughts, both you and Lauren. Given the thousands of people who I KNOW read your blog, I think that you just did Lauren and those sweet babies a world of good with all the prayers and positive thoughts your entry will generate.

[Bridgette]

Oh T, we all love you and Lauren and the babies. We were all concerned this news would hurt you deeply. When Lauren called me, she asked how I was doing. She said I sounded upset in my message. She just gave birth to premature twins, and she was worried about me as well. Gotta love that woman!

Please hold on T. You and Lauren have followed the same path long enough. Its time to break the pattern. Healthy babies in January!

[Janine]

So sorry to hear about your friend, T. I was just celebrating for you this morning that you've reached 25 weeks. I'm praying for you right now and will continue to do so.

[Amy V]

Oh Tertia, Lauren and her babies will most definately be in my prayers.

You and your babies are also in mine. I actually spent a good part of today checking your site to see if you had updated, rather worried you weren't just irritable.

The only consolation I found to living in the hospital was that I could literally sit on the monitor as long as I wanted. We did ultrasounds almost every day also..ans made sure we checked the cervix too.

Best wishes hun....you will be in my praers along with Lauren and her babies.

[DAni]

I've been reading your blog but haven't commented until now. As a praying woman, I just wanted to let you know that I am praying for your friend and for you as well. As each child is precious in His sight, I pray that His healing hand would continue to give those babies strength and continue to form them to grow into healthly little toddlers who make their mommy want to pull her hair out! God is with you. I can only imagine the stress that you are feeling now, but I pray for peace to surround you.
Blessings,
dani

[susan]

Delurking just to let you know that I am praying hard for your friend's babies. Praying hard hard hard.

And much love is coming your way, too.

susan

[Kim]

I will light two candles for the little boy and girl in the hospital. Best wishes for you too, Tertia.

[Julie]

All night long I dreamed of you.

I am hoping for Lauren, for her husband and babies, and for you. You are brave, but this is scary, and I hope you'll lean on every one of us as much as you possibly can.

[Sara in MD]

You, Lauren, and your babies are in my heart and my thoughts. You are not alone, T.

Thank you for keeping this blog. You do so much good every day.

[Toni]

Praying hard for all the kiddos. Tell Adam & Kate to stay in there - they can meet their new friends soon enough.

[Em (a different one)]

I wonder if there is a way to find freedom in the uncertainty. As ridiculous as it sounds, you can't do more to keep your children safe than you are doing right now. Can you use this knowledge to let go of some of the fear? No. I know you can't but it would be nice for you if you could. Knowing that whatever will be will be, that today, you ARE pregnant and your babies are safe inside, that concentrating and stressing won't make the turnout better - wouldn't it be nice if that was all it took to put that crushing weight down?

I will pray for strength and peace for your friends and for you.

[Joanne]

I am praying, rubbing my Buddha doll, lighting candles, burning incense AND speaking to my ancestors, for Lauren and for you. I'm so sorry this is such a scary, tentative time -- please let you, Lauren, your husbands and your collective four babies come through with flying colors AND colours.

[Jill]

You're all in my prayers.

Meanwhile, can you bring a monitor and belt home? That's what my g/f did when she couldn't tell the difference b/t BH and the real thing.

Peace.

[Jess]

Thinking of you, Lauren and all the babies.
Best, best wishes to you all.

[Lioness]

Darling Tertia, such upseting news. I wish i could move time forward for you. I can't offer any comfort so i won't even pretend i can. I am praying everything will be all right for your babies and hers. I will light an extra shabbat candle for the 8 of you (husbands must be terrified too). I do think of you and Marko and Adam and Kate every day. Enough of pain already for all of you. Tight hug, T.

[cate]

Prayers up, ancestors have been beseeched, and candles will be lit tonight. Hang in there. You know that this is triggering you, and that's half the battle (when we just get triggered without knowing it, that's when we really go nuts). Take good care of yourself; remember that the universe is a crazy place and because it happened to her doesn't mean it is going to happen to you. Keep breathing and take it one minute at a time if you have to. And I know you already know this, but if you're worried, go get checked. That's why you have a great doctor.

(((HUGS))) to you and your friend.

[Kristin]

Praying hard for Lauren and her precious babies and for you, Adam, and Kate! May God bless you all.

[Bridget]

I don't understand why they don't put bedrest women or women who have had pre-term labor in the past in tributiline or another drug that stops contractions. I'm on it now because I went into hard contractions last week at 2 minutes apart. Perhaps you can ask your doctor about going on a medication just for insurance that you won't start contracting since you labored so quickly in the past.

[Susan]

Thoughts and prayers to the babies, their parents and all who care for them.

[Susy]

When I first found out I was pg with my daughter, we were in Vancouver, B.C. That very day while at Queen Elizabeth Park we found a tiny baby girl sock on the ground. We took it as a sign, and that the little sock was a token of good luck.

We still have that sock; way to superstitious to part with it even though our daugher is almost 19 months old.

I will hold it and pray for you and Lauren and your babies.

[Mandy]

Tertia - prayers going up for her babies and yours. Please, please know that we are here, we care and hope that you truly will lean on any and all of us however much you need.

[marisa]

tertia,
my prayers are with your friend and with you.

things are really getting scary now with your contractions. do you think it would be better for you to be in a hospital so they can see if you're having contractions or just bh? i'm scared for you.

[Courtney]

Not sure if I have posted before, but I have been reading your blog for a month or so now, and have long been praying for you and your babies. I will now also be praying for Lauren and her babies and all who love them so much!

Praying for peace for all of you in this anxious time.

[Rebekah]

Oh Tertia, I am so sorry that your friend is going through this, and that you are so (understandably) frightened. I seriously almost dropped to my knees to pray for all of you when I read the news, but decided to write you first. I can't imagine all the feelings that must be running through you right now, but I hope that you are able to rest.

You know, I was thinking about how you and Lauren have been on the same "path" for so long. I don't know if this is the right thing to say, or if this will help at all, but it dawned on me that you're NOT anymore. While I wish that you WERE in many ways (ie., that her babies were still inside), you are now on a different path, and your path of protecting and nurturing and growing your babies is still moving on. (Not that Lauren isn't doing all of these things ... I hope you know what I mean.)

May God be with Lauren and her babies, and may God give you the grace and strength and PEACE you need today!

[Julia]

I'll be praying for the best possible outcome for your friend, her babies, and her family.

I don't know why the universe can't just lay the eff off sometimes.

[amnesia]

You will be fine and your friends babies will thrive. Although I have not had twins, I had IC and delivered by now 13 year old girl at 29 weeks. She weighed in at 2.2 pounds - 13 years ago... she is fine. Mouthy, but fine :). There have been so many medical advances since she was born, that I am very confident that all will be well. I will keep all of you in my prayers, and please, please, please let me know if there is anything at all I can do to help.

Charlise

[patricia]

This is scary. I would be terrified. I will light candles for your friend and a couple for your babies too. Even though they're not coming soon.

[Monica]

I, too, am praying for Lauren and her little ones. I wanted you to know, though, that I'm also praying for you during this. As you expressed so eloquently (as always), it brings up so many fears for your own pregnancy. I'm 23w with triplets and live in constant fear that I'll deliver them too soon. And you're right...I feel so many weird things...how on earth do I interpret them as OK or dangerous? It's maddening. Simply maddening. Please know that Adam and Kate are always in my heart. I pray that they stay put until they're ready to meet their beautiful mommy face to face. Hang in there. You've been a real inspiration to me throughout my own IF/MC journey.

[Tracey Dixon]

I will do all those things you suggested, and anything else I can think of for Adam and Kate as well as Lauren's babies.

Many hugs and good vibes being sent around the world to you right now.

Tracey

[Liz]

Lauren, her babies and her husband are in my thoughts as are you, Adam, Kate and your husband.

[Anna H.]

Sending lots of good thoughts across the globe to you, Lauren and all four babies...

xxoo

[Stefanie]

Lauren's babies have a world of prayers going up for them as do yours. I know you are worried about them, like we all are. Sending you many "stay put baby" vibes!

[Kristin]

Another delurker sending major prayers to Lauren and her miracles. AND to you.

As a fellow IVFer w/ a horrible (and I mean horrible) pregnancy, I can absolutely relate to your feelings. I agree with the post above about going in for as many u/s and hb checks as you need.

When I was on my 11w hospital bedrest, it was the bad stories that scared the crap out of me and had me sweating it out for days. It was the good stories that helped me make it from 23w1d to 33w5d...contracting the ENTIRE time. I had my crampy bad days and my only 4-6 contrax every hour good days, but we made it.

Believe in yourself and your body. As difficult as this may be at times, given your history, you CAN and WILL do this. I don't know you, but I just know you and your precious ones will make it through.

And as you've said...you never have to do it again. I swore when I was going through it I never would ever want to do it again, but here I sit looking at my 5 month olds who are already getting so big and I wonder how it went so fast and it gets me to thinking...maybe, just maybe...

Lots of hugs and prayers,
Kristin

[Jessica]

Thinking +++ thoughts for you and for Lauren. Please add Zackary and Samantha to the list of positive NICU outcomes. My tiny little 1 1/2 lb. 26wkers turned two last month and while they still have their share of obstacles, they continue to amaze me with their progress. I know that I am one of the 'lucky' ones and I really hope Lauren becomes one too.

[jujube]

Tertia,
I check in on you occasionally. I can imagine how frightening this is and how close to home it hits.

My prayers for Lauren's sweet babies. Glad to see Jessica posted about her sweeties, real miracles to draw hope from.

Keep doing what you are doing and focus on crossing those days/weeks off till a really nice gestational age.

Jujube
Gavin and Julia 2 1/2 saved by emergency cerclage at 24 1/2 weeks, didn't deliver till 36 1/2 weeks

P.S. reading lots of extremely unreaslisic trashy novels really helps pass the time

[Carrie Jo]

Hi Tertia. I'm so sorry your friend is going through this. I'm sorry it hits so close to home for you too. I'm praying for Lauren, her babies, her husband, you , your babies, & your husband. I'll light my incense and candles. Red is for strength & vitality, Green is for luck & growth, Light Blue is for patience & health, and Purple is for amibition, health, and protection. May God and Goddess always be with you, Lauren, and your collective families, especially during this time. So mote it be.

[Sherry]

I'll be praying for Lauren, her little ones and you, Marko, Adam and Kate...

[Menita]

"It’s not about the pg, it’s about healthy babies."

Yes. I am praying for you and Lauren. Hang in there, T, these are scary times, but hang in there.

Mucho hugs,

M.

[maricar]

((hugs)) I know you're scared Tertia. I felt that way too when my husband's co-worker lost their son at 27 weeks while I was on bedrest pregnant with my daughter. My water broke at 15 weeks. I was at the 24 week mark. I was terrified. You just never know but I guess that's just how it is.

I continue to pray for you Tertia and your babies and I'll pray for Lauren and her babies too.

[Julia S]

Oh, Tertia, I am so sorry you are scared. I am so sorry that this is all so very scary.

My thoughts are with your friend and her babies, as well as with you and yours.

[Mollie]

Oh, oh, oh. Oh I hope those babies of Lauren's keep it up and get stronger and stronger. I hope she and her husband are strong too.

How scary, to have someone so close go through this, your worst nightmare. Strength, peace, and all good things to you and your babies, T.

[Jen]

Tertia,

So many times I have wanted to post comments to your blog entries and I haven't. Today is the day I am going to do it.

When I told you the news, I was so afraid that I just blurted it out to you. I was so frazzled by the time that I talked to you. I just wasn't clear headed anymore.

I know that you are scared. I am scared too. I am here for you day or night for you if you need to talk.

Oh and next time I call you all the way over there in SA, I promise it won't be 10PM there and I promise to stay calm enough to dial the country code first!!!!

With love my friend......

[Kristine]

Sending prayers for your friend, and for you too!

[Nina]

Sending many prayers to Lauren and her twins. Sending you lots of love, peace and prayers as well.

[Lisa]

Tertia--

I'm from the IVFC bb and have followed your story all along. I have been reading your blog and praying for you and your precious twins for a while now, but have never posted to you here. But I just felt like I needed to post now.

I just wanted you to know that more people than you know, think you are amazing and strong,.. and are praying so hard for you and for this pregnancy, and for healthy babies!

I will also add Lauren and her little ones to my prayers!

May God give you both peace and strength...and healthy twins!!!