And it’s not over yet.
Feeling slightly cave’ish, hence lack of updates. I am nervous about tomorrow cervix check and also level II baby check.
The week started off badly with Lauren’s early delivery of her twins, that really affected me, thank goodness the babies seem to be doing really well. Lauren is being really brave.
Then on Sunday I was reading a local baby magazine, they have a feature called ‘my birth story’. This month it was about a woman who went on holiday and then went into pre-term labour at 29w, her husband had to help her deliver the baby and the baby spent 50 days in NICU. As I started reading I went cold, it is the same baby that shared the NICU with Ben, there were only two of them there at the time. What are the chances??? I remember being so envious of the couple, their baby was so healthy and strong. Ben was so little and sick in comparison. It was another terrible pull back to those dark times.
Monday I had the iffy cervix check which freaked me out.
Tuesday I found out my darling SIL is pg. I am ecstatically happy for her but it came with a horrible flash back to my last pg when my sister announced her pg. Right then I knew I would lose that pg. I am so hoping the jinx doesn’t repeat itself.
Then today, Wednesday I got such terrible terrible news, that Cecily lost her first twin son at 22w and has to terminate the second baby today in order to save her life. I am devastated by this news, it is surreal. How on earth can something like this happen? I am actually speechless, what do you say about such a terrible tragedy? Words are totally meaningless. My heart aches for her and her DH.
I keep thinking if I can only get to 28w, or even better 30w. Then today a friend phoned me to say that a friend of hers had her twin babies at 28w, the one died today in the NICU and the other one is not doing well.
I don’t know. I don’t know what to say. It is all surreal, I keep waiting to wake up and be told it is all just a bad dream.
I will update tomorrow (late) after my cervix check. Please keep Cecily, Lauren, her babies, Kate, Adam and my cervix in your prayers. Forgive me for adding my cervix to the prayer list.
You're all in my prayers. As many prayers as I have.
xxxxoooo
Posted by: Emily | 27 October 2004 at 09:04 PM
You and your babies (and cervix) are in my prayers right along with Lauren and her babies.
Posted by: Becky | 27 October 2004 at 09:08 PM
Prayers going up for all, including your cervix is NO problem.
Posted by: Mandy | 27 October 2004 at 09:09 PM
What Mandy said. Every cervix needs a couple prayers once and awhile anyway.
I hope everything looks ok tomorrow Tertia.
Posted by: Stacey | 27 October 2004 at 09:15 PM
Thinking hopeful thoughts for all of you(cervix included).
Really hope everything is good tomorrow - time for some happy news.
Posted by: Jess | 27 October 2004 at 09:21 PM
Tertia,
I am praying for you, Adam, Kate, Marko and your cervix. Thank you so much for your support for Cecily. She admires you so very much, and knows you understand...without question you understand.
I am going nuts over here...not heard a fucking word yet about the surgery...leaving here in 30 minutes to go straight to the hospital to find out what is going on. When I called there an hour ago they said she was still 'in there', but couldn't tell me how long she SHOULD be in there. I wil post whatever I know tonight on Cec's blog.
The support has been outstanding. I am going to print out all the comments before I leave and bring them for her to read.
Love,
Sarah
Posted by: Sarah | 27 October 2004 at 09:22 PM
Praying so very hard for all of you, T's cervix included. Such a sad, emotionally draining week.
Posted by: Bridgette | 27 October 2004 at 09:33 PM
I'm so glad you posted - I'm praying for everyone (and your cervix), this is all just too sad.
Posted by: cressa | 27 October 2004 at 09:36 PM
What kind of friend calls to tell *you* about someone else's premature twin dying? Jesus H. Christ. Anyway, 28 weeks is good. 30 is better, but 28 is good. And you can do this.
Posted by: tracy | 27 October 2004 at 09:37 PM
It’s not something I do very often but I find myself praying a lot these past few days. Actually it’s a bit more like sending out A LOT of really positive vibes, I can only hope they have the desired effect.
Posted by: Anne | 27 October 2004 at 09:52 PM
Many prayers for everyone and everything on your prayer list!
Posted by: Kristin | 27 October 2004 at 10:14 PM
Praying for everyone (and thing) on your prayer list.
Posted by: Stefanie | 27 October 2004 at 10:17 PM
I just don't know what to say, other than, I love you, I'm praying for all of you...my new family...and hoping.
Posted by: Sherry | 27 October 2004 at 10:19 PM
Hi. I am another friend of Cecily's. I have followed your blog for a while now daily and I wanted to know that I am rooting for you, Adam and Kate.
I heard from Sarah. The procedure is done and Cecily is ok. We have all been so worried.
Take care and I am praying for you daily!
Jo-Ann
Posted by: Jo-Ann | 27 October 2004 at 10:40 PM
Honey, your cervix is always in my prayers. No need to apologize.
It's hard to be hopeful when so many people around you are experiencing tragedy. Even if you can see all the things that you have in your favor and take comfort from them, it's hard to do so in the face of so much sadness.
I'll be thinking about you tomorrow as you have your cervix checked. It sounds like you have a very thorough doctor.
Posted by: Susy | 27 October 2004 at 10:41 PM
Reading your stories (‘your’ being collective- from your story to Cecily’s story to everyone else in this blogging world) makes me wish I could put my arms around all of you and just form a little protective bubble, surrounding you and Kate and Adam and Cecily and her little twins and everyone else I’ve read about and cried about… I just wish life would stop being so cruel sometimes… That life would just give all of you a DAMN BREAK from the heartache, from the terror, from the tears…
You may have felt this before- but it’s like, sometimes I wish that my pain would be enough to fill the pain vouchers of everyone else out there. That no one else should have to say good-bye to a child, that no one else should have to bury a baby they love… I’m not sure how to word this, but it’s how I feel.
SIGH. I know that’s being unrealistic. But a girl can wish, can’t she?
Posted by: Trish | 27 October 2004 at 10:54 PM
You got it, babe.
Posted by: Danae | 27 October 2004 at 11:02 PM
Tertia
Your cervix and your babies are in my prayers. I've been praying for poor Cecily for 2 days straight. Sending you positive vibes.
Jennifer
Posted by: Jennifer | 27 October 2004 at 11:24 PM
I'm praying for everybody. I've followed Cecily's story and yours for awhile and the unfairness of the universe makes me want to scream. Wishing and hoping my hardest that all goes well for you tomorrow.
Posted by: Shannon | 27 October 2004 at 11:33 PM
Tertia sending you love, prayers and good thoughts for you and your cervix.
"flamed_into_oblivion" just move on and go somewhere else. Obviously you are just a troll and not a christian as no Christian would dismiss Cecily's pain with a comment that basically says "Serves you right for going against God's will". Why don't you go and tell some other parent that it is God's will that they child died!!!
Sorry Teria I would delete my comment and the trolls and just move on.
Posted by: laura | 28 October 2004 at 12:14 AM
Please delete flamed into oblivion's comment. I am a Christian and I am blown away at the cruelty of that remark.
Posted by: bunny | 28 October 2004 at 01:01 AM
Flamed into oblivion...back off girl...don't screw with my friend....
T...All the positive thoughts I can muster have been headed your way as well as Lauren's way. Your cervix is now added....
You are doing so well. Hang in there. You can do this. You and your cervix can do this!
Love you T...love Adam and Kate and Marko. And if it helps...I will love your cervix too.
Posted by: Jen | 28 October 2004 at 01:11 AM
And I am so very sorry for your friend Cecily.
Posted by: Jen | 28 October 2004 at 01:12 AM
Must...resist...flamebait...
Anyway, I'm praying for everyone you've mentioned, and putting in extra for everyone (including me) who's trying to get/stay pregnant.
Posted by: Sonetka | 28 October 2004 at 01:58 AM
T- I'm sorry the wacko nut job posted on here. Just wanted to let you know I am still praying for you and your friends, your dh, your beautiful Kate and Adam and your cervix.
Posted by: Stefanie | 28 October 2004 at 02:07 AM
I'm with Jen, flamed...Back off. Seriously. Don't mess with Tertia or any of her friends.
Bad things happen to good people. Its a fact of life. Its not Gods will that innocent lives are lost.
Posted by: Bridgette | 28 October 2004 at 02:35 AM
Tertia, I'd just go ahead and delete Flaming's comment. From the name he signed on with I suspect he gets some enjoyment out of reaction, and he so doesn't deserve the satisfaction.
Posted by: persephone | 28 October 2004 at 02:52 AM
Tertia, you are forever in my thoughts and prayers as are all of these dear women. Praying for moms and babies is pretty much as involuntary an action as breathing these days.
BRAVO to all you awesome chicks for ignoring the troll bait! You guys KICK ASS!
Posted by: Cherith | 28 October 2004 at 03:23 AM
Must...bite..tongue...do...not...play...with...trolls!!!! ARGGHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!
T-
Sorry the asshole posted...please know that I am sending prayers, good vibes, and positve mantras your way. I never knew about Cecily before today, but my heart breaks for her. Still thinking of healthy babies in Jan for you...
Much love,
Nat
Posted by: Nat1026 | 28 October 2004 at 03:49 AM
Guys please send all your sympathy to Cecily's site. Her husband just posted they had to make the really awful choice to terminate the pregnancy or lose Cecily as well.
I know there is nothing we can say to make it better but it helps to know you are not alone.
Posted by: Laura | 28 October 2004 at 04:26 AM
Tertia,
In my prayers as always. As well as Lauren and Cecily. Rememeber....LBT.
"flamed" can just go fuck him/herself.
Posted by: Laura | 28 October 2004 at 05:19 AM
I believe that God inspired whoever invented IVF. He works in mysterious ways... IVF is just one of those ways. I believe that He guides the hand of our REs and our OB/GYNs and their nurses and so forth.
I believe in my heart that God is watching over Cecily (whom I am keeping in my prayers. and may He help her find comfort in her grief), Tess, you, your cervix, Kate, and Adam.
And for that matter, I believe He is watching over us all. Even the stupid ignorant flamers.
I hope your exam tomorrow goes well. I will keep you in my thoughts.
Posted by: Rhonda | 28 October 2004 at 06:05 AM
Rhonda, exactly. A tech can inject a sperm into an egg, but only God can make it keep growing.
Posted by: Sonetka | 28 October 2004 at 06:14 AM
I usually just ignore trolls like Flamed, I suppose every is entitled to their opinion, even one as warped and stupid as Flamed. But I will remove the post because it is highly disrespectful and insensitive to Cecily.
One would think that a so called Christian would have compassion, but I see it is easier to point fingers at someone than to lift them up and hold them close.
One does wonder (using Flamed's logic) why God chose to make someone like Flamed? But I suppose insects likes flies and ticks do serve some purpose. If only to say 'thank God I am not like that'.
Posted by: Tertia | 28 October 2004 at 06:16 AM
I can imagine it must be so hard for you with so many things to trigger off your fears, memories etc. I am someone else routing for you, praying it all works out, that Adam and Kate will be born healthy and that this nightmare period will be over.
Posted by: Kim | 28 October 2004 at 11:27 AM
Sweetie, I'm thinking about you. Lots of lurve to you and all your parts.
Posted by: Karen | 28 October 2004 at 12:02 PM
T., "cervix" is my new mantra. A very worthy thing to pray for.
Posted by: Lioness | 28 October 2004 at 12:44 PM
Sending over lots 'n lots of good vibes!
:-))
Posted by: Ute | 28 October 2004 at 01:41 PM
T
You know you are always in my prayers, even your cervix! :) ((hugs)) Try to stay strong in spite of all the sadness and any ignorant posts (I missed it but glad I did obviously just someone that wanted a lot of attention and reaction). Love you my friend.
Posted by: Charmaine | 28 October 2004 at 01:49 PM
I am a first time poster here, and just wanted you to know that I have already been thinking, wishing, hoping and praying for you Kate and Adam. And now I'll add your cervix too. :) Please keep us updated.
Posted by: Sam | 28 October 2004 at 02:20 PM
Tertia, you are holding up so well in light of all that is surrounding you. Be at peace with yourself so those babies can grow. All my prayers are with you, as always.
Posted by: Aurora | 28 October 2004 at 02:42 PM