Mixed Feelings

Today is my last day at work, until hopefully next year May. If all goes well. If we have babies in January. Etc.

It seems such a brave, bold, jinxy step to pack my desk up. I am absolutely terrified that I will pack my desk up and things will go wrong and I will be back, baby-less in a few weeks time. Baby-less and broken.

Last time I booked maternity leave and was back before I was even due to go on maternity leave.

So I am scared to go off work. Work felt safe. Stupidly I keep thinking that if I don’t change too much in my life (like go on leave, buy baby furniture etc) then if I lose the babies it wont hurt as much. How stupid is that. No matter where I am or what I have bought, it will hurt like, well, it will hurt an unbelievable amount.

Yet, I am nervous to go off work. It seems such a bold, in your face step. It’s like announcing to the world I am pregnant and might even have a baby. Or two. I am not sure I am ready for that yet. The other day I bumped into an ex and he said “do you have any kids” and I said “well, we are still trying”. He looked at my belly oddly. And so I stammered, “well, I am pg now, but we have been trying for a long time and blah blah blah”. I can’t just blithely say “oh yay, am pg, will have baby”.

And although I would love to be wealthy enough not to work, I love what I do and I love the people I work with. I am very fond of my bunch of techie geeks. We have lots of fun at work and we are always messing around. I am going to miss being around them. Plus I work for a really great company. I love them, they love me. What if they forget about me when I am gone? I am scared if I don’t remind them daily how witty and divine I am they will forget and replace me with a younger, better, funnier model. I asked my co-workers, they said they could never forget about me and there is no other person like me (I think I heard a ‘thank g-d’ somewhere).

I am also going to miss having ‘always on’ internet access. I will have to resort to the old fashioned solar powered dial up from home.

But, I know I am doing the right thing. I need to do whatever it takes to make sure I get healthy babies at the end, and that means stopping work and doing some bedrest. It’s just, well, it’s just scary that’s all.

It feels weird not to work, I feel decadent and lazy. Oh well, hopefully in January I will have two time consuming babies who will soon make me so busy I wont have time to worry about any thing else.

Gonna miss my co-workers though. Lots.

Comments

[BIL]

I always think you are witty and divine... even when you are an industrial strength pain in the A.

[Christine]

Enjoy your last day. I know what you mean about feeling sad leaving though, and totally can relate to the fear of jinxing anything!

I just had to share - I opened my email this morning and was met with this bold print email heading from Joann.com advertising "October is Knitting Month Online"!! I thought of you.

Christine

[Janine]

Hopefully, your weekly visits to Dr New will help pass the time. That, and your soon to be new-found hobby, knitting. Roll on healthy-babies-in-January, when you won't be giving work a second thought.

[Julie]

Babies in January.

That's all I have to say.

[Aurora]

I'm with Julie on this one...babies in January.

[buttercup]

Oh, what a huge step for you. I cannot imagine your co-workers forgetting about you. I've never even met you, and I consider you pretty unforgettable! Best wishes for a smooth transition. You can always call your co-workers and harass them too ;)

And you ARE working still. You're working so very hard.

Yes, babies in January.

[Sherry]

What everyone else said...

You're unforgettable and yes, yes, babies in January.

[Sheena]

BABIES. IN. JANUARY.

I'm sure you could never, ever, be forgotten. *Sigh*

[Mandy]

BABIES IN JANUARY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

As for your coworkers - I'm sure they're going to miss you. Send them an occasional witty emails to remind them of just how divine you are.

[Susy]

I'll throw my voice into the ring:

BABIES IN JANUARY(and that's ENERO if they're feeling Latino, and JANVIER if they're feeling French)!!!!

There are many comments in Julie's blog talking about various distraction techniques. I added a few practical ones myself, but failed to mention cookie dough ice cream with real maple syrup.

I know it's just the fear talking when you say you're worried that your coworkers will replace you, but please know that such an act would be futile. Worst case, they could try, but would fail miserably. So there.

[Karla]

I just had to say that today is my last day at work as well and while I am not going through the exact same things you are I am also nervous about actually *leaving work to have a real live baby that might get to come home with me this time* My internet is down at home so I am going to go through terrible withdrawal since I can't come everyday and check on "Tertia and the beebies". I wish you so much luck with Adam and Kate. When I return I will be looking forward to hearing about how fat and juicy you have become at 8 months pg. Much Love and I will be thinking of you and the "beebies".

[Jessica]

I'm thinking of you...X0X0

[Mollie]

B. I. J., Yay! Yay! Yay!
Leaving work is quite O.K.!
We all know you'd like to STAY
But REST is what the doctors SAY!

Get your arse upon the COUCH!
Terrrrrrrr--TIA! Terrrrrrrr--TIA!
Round those shoulders! Give us a SLOUCH!
Terrrrrrrr--TIA! Terrrrrrrr--TIA!
Turn on the telly and watch the SCREEN!
Terrrrrrrr--TIA! Terrrrrrrr--TIA!
Eat some sweeties 'till you turn GREEN!
Terrrrrrrr--TIA! Terrrrrrrr--TIA!

Your chums at work will MISS YOU SO
More than you can EVER KNOW
But they want you to have SUCCESS
To have two babies to bath and DRESS

So make that bed and LIE! LIE! LIE!
Or I will come and POKE YOUR EYE!
Get in that bed and SNORE SNORE SNORE!
Then sleep and lounge and lie some MORE!
(You silly whore)

YAAAAAAAY!!! You're doing what's right for you and the babes. And everyone says YES. YES.

[Toni]

I'm going to repeat what everyone is saying "BABIES IN JANUARY". But the reason? B/c after you have those babies, you won't be worried about work anymore. Trust me on this one. Went on maternity leave with my daughter - afraid I wouldn't be needed when I got back. Quickly realized that she mattered much more than whatever was at work.

You, too, will soon learn this.

BABIES!!!!!

[patricia]

It must feel like a scary step. You've been doing the same thing every day and nothing bad has happened - I'm sure you don't want to mess up the equilibrium.

But you know and we know that you are doing the best thing for your babies, and we are excited to follow along until you have...babies in January!

[Mia]

And the Oscar for Most Inspiring Bedrest Cheer in a Supportive Role goes to....
Mollllllie!

That cracked me up.

Rest divinely, Tertia. Babes in Jan.

[Kristin]

Will be thinking about you often and waiting for the good news only updates I KNOW will be coming. BTW, knew studies here in the US have shown that progeterone injections can keep PTL at bay in women with that history.