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Wow. That's so weird--that the two of you shared so much--and so sad. I'm so sorry. I can't imagine what you went though and still go through, Tertia.

My husband's best friend had a baby that was in NICU for a looooonnnng time. We call them, but they don't return our calls. I think it's because they're overwhelmed (the baby is home now, and as far as we know, recovering slowly). They know what we're going through, and they are so sad for us--perhaps it's just too much sadness for them to deal with overall.

Lurve you, Tertia. You are such an inspiration.

When you mentioned people greiving differently I thought of my parents after my brother died. I think they did what they needed to do for themselves and it wasn't good for each other. I think that is why their marriage failed in the end, they had each changed from the experience and grown apart instead of closer together. It took me a long time to realize that all of that was related (I was only a pre-schooler when all of this happened) but I think now that they did what they had to do to survive it with the sanity of which you spoke.
I'm so sorry for you and your friend but how amazing it is that you were able to find each other to share your memories and re-grouping.

Tersh, perhaps your cave-dwelling is also partially an attempt to sheild your loved ones and friends from your grief. It took me a long time (over a year) to realize that I was pulling an "I'm okay, you're okay" for everyone else's benefit - not just my own. The trouble was, it wasn't benefiting anyone. I eventually had to make a concious effort to show my grief whenever it happened and let people (especially my husband and parents) know that sometimes I'm not okay. Because we're human. And losing a child is never okay.

I'm glad that this common experience will at least allow you someone to commiserate with in the future, though I wish neither of you had gone through it.

You're a beautiful testament to survival, no matter how you've done it, and I take my hat off to you.

To me, you are a simply amazing woman.

We will never forget your son either. My deepest sympathies to your friend too.

That is an amazing coincidence. And although I'm sure it was painful, perhaps it was a bit therapuetic too.
I cannot begin to imagine going through what you've been through-- you are a fantastically amazing cave woman.

How incredibly eery and tragic. I am so sorry that you both had to go through such devistating events, but atleast you can both turn to each other in your time of grief.

Once again u have rendered me tearful and speechless... oh ok not completely else I wouldn't be commenting. But I am always in awe of you and what you have gone through and come out of! You are amazing Tersh and I am proud to call you my friend. Much love and strength coming your way from me.

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