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"the size of these peoples’ mouths appears to be inversely correlated to intelligence."

Absolutely. Love ya Tertia.

Bravo Tertia! I am tempted to cut and paste and email to my friends and family. But they would not get it anyway.

I especially liked #5! Bob is a bad shag! What a hoot!

PS tried all of the above (except 5)and it did not work for me either.


Thank you Tertia. With your permission, I'd like to send this to 2 harbingers of said advice! Let me know!


brilliant. just brilliant.

Ah you see Gina, should have tried good ole Bob.

Just shut your eyes and think of England.

Hell yes Mandy, send away.

Absolutely freaking wonderful. You should get this published.

I would absolutely adore to send this to my mother! I don't think she'd get it, even though at one time or another she has said all of the above to me, even implied, "are you sure you are doing it right?" AND "are you sure your doctor knows what he is doing?" when she asked if we had my husband's SA. Like we would really try for 2 years and not have him checked out too! And the fact that I do have PCOS and am NOT ovulating has nothing to do with it I guess. . .

HA HA! This is fabulous. You could work it up into a comedy routine, you know, to be shown on television at PRIME TIME. That would show all those unsuspecting fertile boobs what's what.

Oh, can I suggest one more? The "Maybe you're not trying hard enough" hypothesis. A friend said that to me once, and I wanted to sock her.

Hee. Brilliant. My hero.

Tertia, for the sake of completeness, Jack and Jill should test "but isn't it fun trying?" by investigating whether trying (not just nonspontaneous sex, but especially transplanting embryos or getting inseminated on a table! woohoo!!) is just so much fun, they are "just" happy trying and don't really need the child. Problem solved!

bec :D

Even as a Single Mother by Choice I got "just relax" and "don't think about it."

Ok, so don't plan my cycles, don't make the appointments for the ultrasounds and IUIs, be so relaxed I can't manage to show up for my egg retrieval, and I'll miraculously get pregnant? Immaculate conception? Wow! why didn't I think of that?


Myths, folklore, urban legends... or are they ghost stories meant to scare the infertile into blaming ourselves?

I will be looking for your published article in the Journal of American Fertility Medicine, soon.

So, what you're saying is that I can toss out the $1,000 a month fertility meds and just rest?


Love it.
Could you also add my own sister's favorite piece of assvice to me "Why don't you *just* take a break?". Because that one, my friends, I can guar-an-tee will NOT result in conception and yet is still widely hailed as valid advice.

No matter how many times I've told her that this is not helpful and taking a break doesn't really appeal to me, she never lets up...every failed cycle, same blah blah blah take a break blah blah...

At the risk of getting lynched. . .I think your scientific research should be tempered with a tiny acknowledgement that, without doubt, all of the "experts" are well-meaning and trying to be helpful, even though it is very clear that they should rather adhere to the Endearmints advert message ("chew don't speak"). In this case they should be chewing over their complete ignorance. I am sure that, if they read your blog, all of them, without exception, would feel like complete idiots. You simply have to feel sorry for them!

I simply love your writing. Excellent.

May I add my favorite piece of advice to the list: "Why don't you 'just' get yourself a dog?".

HA! You rock, Tertia. Awesome post again!

my friend once told me to bd on day 10 or 11... instead of 12, 13 & 14... like i haven't already tried that... and like she knows my cycle and my body better than i do... yeah, whatever... needless to say, it was easy for her to get pg... she's even had an abortion (way long time ago)... now she has one child, says no way in hell she'll have another one... the bitch, i don't talk to her much any more.

sorry, been a lurker for a while, finally had something to say.

Looking forward to your next post as to how to keep a pregnancy. Loved all the comments I had of people basicallly implying I miscarried because I was reckless and/or incommpetent. Actually had one cousin tell me, in front of about 20 family members, about my 4th pg (3 previous m/c) That "I better get down to business and keep this one." Gee, thanks a pep talk was all my malfunctioning uterus needed.
People are stupid. They should remember the whole "if you can't say something nice... keep your flippin' trap shut."

Don't joke, Fertility & Sterility probably would publish it, then Tertia would have to ring them and say "um, guys, I was joking...well, about the randomised bit, anyway"

i might have mentioned this before, but my mom quit her job in 1957 in order to "rest" and "relax" to try to get pregnant, and we're still waiting. Breathlessly. in the meantime she adopted me and sis.

This is pure genius. I find the word "just" used anywhere within a 30 foot radius causes me to spontaneously twitch and froth at the mouth.

how bout when you're looking for a guy who will like maybe make a commitment and you're advised by the Smug Marrieds (stealing from B. Jones) to Just Go Out And Have Fun? anyone out there get that one?

Fantastic post. Thank you. :)


Oh, if only I'd had that to give to my now ex mother in law the day she told me "well, it (fertility treatment) worked for David & Jana (bil & sil), they have twins, so mabye you just arent' doing it right"!

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