Why do people do that?

Why do people insist on telling you things that serve no purpose other than to annoy or hurt you?

When I tell people that I suffer from terrible morning (all day) sickness when I get pg, they (my SIL!) love to say “ooh, I never had a moments morning sickness with any of my pregnancies”, or “I’ve had such easy, problem-free pregnancies”. Thank you for that, that makes me feel a whole lot better. Lord knows why you felt it necessary to tell me that, but really, thanks a mill. ‘Preciate it. No, please, carry on. I’d love to hear about your problem-free pregnancy, it really will make me better. Oh, you say you hardly looked pg? You only had to wear maternity clothes at 8 months? Fantastic, must be lovely being so petite. Yes, I am quite big already, thanks for pointing that out.

And of course, even worse, almost unforgivable, are those who, on hearing about your infertility or struggles to get pg, say “really? Gee, I just have to look at my husband and I get pg”. WTF? Why oh why would you say that? What purpose could it possibly serve? Did you say it to make yourself better? No? To make me feel crap about myself? No? Then why did you feel the need to mention that? Just for fun perhaps? Bit of sports? Asswipe.

You know that old adage that goes something like ‘if you have nothing good (intelligent!) to say, then just shut the fuck up.’ Or something along those lines.

Comments

[Bee]

Picture Bee reading this post and ticking off frantically the things she did not say. Thank GAWD - am still good friend - didn't say ANY of those things. Phew *wipes sweat off brow* - love you Tersh and so happy you are pukey!

[eM]

We know them - they were all absent the day we did Etiquette101 and read The-World-Does-Not-Revolve-Around-your-Anus. (confession that I've had a couple of "f'ck did i say that" lapses myself, sorry)

But three cheers for blog-friends and NBF's, who blantantly slag you in the most inoffensive manner. Hurry home Julie.

[Janine]

Ja, one of my favourites in the crap comments category is: "Are you sure you're doing it right?" ahahaha. SO not funny.

[Bridgette]

After 10 years of TTC, the best (worst) comment I have heard is "oh, you must be his grandma". People are idiots sometimes.

I'm also so happy you are pukey, and I LOVE the belly.

[summerbreeze]

People are just plain ignorant. Because of my age and the fact that my husband and I have been married a little over a year everybody and their mother asks us when we're going to have kids. It takes everything I have not to smack them or burst into tears. I had someone comment on my blog the other day that I should just relax if there was nothing wrong with me or my husband. Just relax and we'll get pregnant. Too bad they didn't read the rest of it which explains our problems.

Anyway, hang in there. Somepeople are just born to be asshats.

[Gina]

Best one I heard was from my brother who said "Oh you just throw sperm in the air and [SIL] get pg". Yeah, like you said. Thanks for that.

Sorry you are sick. The IF should not have morning (or all day) sickness. It should be reserved for sperm catchers!

[dish]

eM- your "f'ck did i say that" confession only reinforces that you're one of the good ones. It's the shlubs that have NO IDEA that they just said/did something stupid/hurtful that need to be flogged.

I might be just as terrible, though. I have started giving it right back to people who say dumbass things to me if I've known them for more than, say, 10 minutes (the total strangers get a bit of a reprieve). It certainly makes them stop in their tracks. I used to be a nice, patient, walk-all-over-me gal, but I've reached my limit.

You should have seen me in action when I was on Clomid! :-)

[ValleyGal]

I have a friend who m/c at 20 weeks (incompetent cervix) who, when really provoked by asshats, would simply say, "I had a baby, but it died." And then she'd just sit there, in silence.

She says even if they don't shut their pieholes, sound stops coming out. She also says that it's a good way to keep asshats from asking other personal questions.

[cherylc]

I don't know if this will help, but I was sick, sick, sick, until my daughter was born. Pretty much the second she was out, I was starving. We have a picture of me eating one of the granola bar that my dad carries around in his pocket. This was while my daughter was in the NICU too, so I felt really heartless, but I felt certain she was going to be okay and I was hungry! (She was okay and I'm delighted I made it through and it all worked out. I hope the same for you.)

[Andreah]

If it makes you feel any better...

30 weeks and still ralph every morning, makes for horrible bad breath (just ask my husband). Lots of gas and swelling of the feet and hands. Look like sausages. Have greasy skin with pimples, and nipples have turned almost blackish purple and have gotten huge (once were nice to ok looking). Did I mention the gas yet? Already fat to begin with so stretch marks already in place, hoping not to have any new ones, but seriously doubt that will happen. very very moody and cranky and cry at everything. Have too sore of vagina muscles to walk normally, must ride automatic shopping carts and sit down a lot. crave hotdogs, cookies and apples 24/7. Did I mention the gas?

This is the best pregnancy! Seriously, why would anyone want one that was easy and problem free? dumbasses

[wavery]

My most recent fav was relayed to me by my mom which somehow compounds the insult. After showing her friend millions of photos of me enjoying my three yr old nephew, her friend says to her, "She really needs to get a baby of her own." And my mom tells me this. WTF!! I don't know this already? So helpful.

[Danae]

People suck. The problem is that most people like to talk about themselves, and so they're too busy thinking of what they're going to say next instead of just listening to what the other person is saying. Bastages. If I had a dime for every time some fertile chick tells me how easily she gets pregnant...I'd fill some dime wrappers and tell the bitches to hold them between their knees, for pete's sake.

[Misti]

I think alot of people don't know WHAT to say when fertility becomes an issue in the conversation.

Of course, many are selfish bitches, but in my case, with a friend suffering from infertility at 24, I honestly don't know what to say.

Sorry? Um, eat more chocolate?

Honestly....it's very very hard to know when to tiptoe, when not to sympathize, and when to joke.

Of course, I'd also never brag about my fertility (yet to be determined), period. It just seems tacky.

m

[Laura]

People suck sometimes. When I tearfully confessed to an old friend that I couldn't have children after being forced to have to listen to many conversations about how I should have children as I am 35 and it is not difficult as she breeds like a rabbit and each time she got pregnant only had been trying a month *phew*. She told me she understood exactly how I felt as she had to have a hysterectomy after her second child. She told me that we both "have had the option of future children taken out of our control". You know she never once gave me any sympathy and just tried to tell me that we were in the same boat. This happened 2 years ago and you know what I still get angry.

My strategy for the future - tell them to stuff their fertility up their who-ha's!!!!

[greenb]

I hated people who upon hearing about my morning (all day) sickness responded with the 'Oh I didn't get any because I did yoga from the moment we conceived'. Yeah- I can't see how yoga was going to help when I was crouched over the toilet 24/7- is that a yoga position?

[Tessa]

I've had the joy of having the same chronic, awful headache for 4 months now- if someone hears about that, they feel obligated to say "Well, it will all be worth it in the end." Like I don't know that? Assholes.

[Anne]

I have to agree with Danae, so I hope it helps to know we’re listening.

[Moxie]

Tessa, I was just bitching about this "It'll all be worth it in the end" bullshit to a pregnant friend today. Duh. If I didn't think it was worth it I wouldn't have gotten pregnant or would have gotten an abortion, dumbass. Just because you're going to have a baby at the end of it doesn't mean that the physical experience of pregnancy doesn't suck rocks. I think everyone should feel free to complain about nasty symptoms.

[Mollie]

Just today my neighbour, who I really like, whispered to me about a woman who walked by her house. "They've been trying for sooooo long."

I shut my eyes, hung my head, said sympathetically, "Oh, God. It's such a lonely place to be. So lonely. I wish them the best."

My neighbour said, "Really? Gosh, my husband and I get pregnant when we combine our laundry, for God's sakes."

I said, "Well, then, you'll never know. It's nearly impossible to maintain friendships with people who have kids, or are childless by choice, which pretty much includes everybody. I had to cut off my best friend because she kept having babies by accident. But whatever you do, don't ever tell someone who is trying to conceive that it's so easy for you. Promise me that."

So there you go. Did my good deed for the day.

[Lisa]

People are assholes. It is wonderful you are sick- in terms of the pregnacy- but sucks to be you. I was really sick, couldn't work, couldn't comb my hair, lost weight sick until 18 weeks with both my daughters. I drank a whole lot of gatorade, and called a whole lot of people asshole.

[Tertia]

Thank you Mollie. From all of us :-)