Normal vs Infertile

What happens when a normal person decides to have children:
1. have sex
2. get pregnant (immediately)
3. do a home test after period is late
4. see two lines (immediately)
5. tell every one, buy stroller, paint nursery, have baby shower, be happy
6. have trouble free pregnancy, do gym, eat what you want, life goes on as normal
7. have healthy baby, no mess, no fuss.
8. live happily ever after

What happens when an Infertile decides to have children:
1. have sex
2. don’t get pg
3. have more sex
4. don’t get pg
5. repeat points 1-4 for a year or so (in the meantime all your friends and family will have babies)
6. go see Dr, have tests etc
7. do all sorts of invasive procedures
8. don’t get pg
9. spend more money, do more procedures
10. don’t get pg
11. stop having sex because what’s the point
12. get fat
13. cry, scream, hate the world, get better
14. after repeating points 7-13, sometimes over a few years, if you are lucky, you get a positive beta 14 days past ovulation/retrieval
15. immediately think lab has made a mistake or you haven’t heard dr correctly
16. start squashing your boobs hard against your chest to see whether they are sensitive or painful. You do this until they become sensitive or painful.
17. over analyze ever twinge, thinking it is your period coming
18. run to the toilet every five minutes to check for blood in your underwear
19. spend the two days between your first and second betas convinced the embryo has detached itself and is now dying.
20. even after the second beta you are still too scared to believe it could be true.
21. do any thing and every thing not to ‘jinx’ the pg.
22. stress yourself out about whether the embryo is normal.
23. worry that you will miscarry
24. be unable to think of any thing else but the pg and whether it will last
25. worry about whether the u/s will reveal a heartbeat, or an empty sac
26. worry that your prog levels are good enough
27. worry that all your worrying is bad for the pg, which makes you more stressed, which makes you worry
28. try not to kill people who tell you to just relax and have faith.
29. And this is all in the first week.

Shit, this is exhausting.

Comments

[OliviaDrab]

Ah, such a true post. Although there is a 3rd version. What happens when a Recurrent Miscarrier decides to have children:

Same as "Infertile" version except it begins this way:

1. have sex
2. don’t get pg
3. have sex
4. get pg
5. get period
6. become incapacitated by the sorrow, anger, fear and frustration that your body sucks
7. repeat points 1-6 for a year or so (in the meantime all your friends and family will have babies)

...and somewhere around step 13:
decide to take a holistic approach and begin seeing a Chinese dr/acupuncturist for a glimmer of Eastern hope.

I am keeping my body crossed for you Tertia. Hopeful that you get to feel the exhaustion of many more months of pregnant worrying. You know what I mean...

[Janine]

Hated that time. You obsess about the fact that you don't have sore boobs. Then you get the sore boobs and you spend all your time wondering whether they're sore enough. Can't wait for you to get to the happily ever after part.

[Kristine]

It IS exhausting, isn't it?
Then you wonder if the exhaustion is from being pregnant, or from worrying about not being pregnant....
and the viscious cycle continues!

[Lisa]

I'm sorry Tertia--wish there was a way to make this easier.

[JulieB]

You sure hit the nail on the head with that one. I know it's not an easy feat, but I hope that soon you get some reassurance that all is well with this pg so you can have some peace of mind.

[Julie]

And one of the things that sucks the most during that first crazy week is that all of the normal comforts (booze, sex, hot baths, prescription drugs, cigarettes) are completely off limits during one of the most stressful times of your life. How fucked up is that?!

[Moxie]

Is there a third category? For people who get pregnant uneventfully and end up with healthy babies, but who have a shitty, traumatic ride along the way? 'Cause that happens sometimes, too.

Julie's right about how fucked up it is that you can't have any of your normal comforts. Too bad you can't just be put into an artificial coma for the next 30 weeks and be woken up just in time for the delivery.

[Twizzle]

Tertia,
Truer words have never been written! I loved your post and want to copy and send it to all of my friends who need to understand what it's like to be an infertile who got lucky and is now pregnant.

A cautious congrats on your recent pos. betas, Dear! I am sooooooo hoping that this is the one that sticks!

Twizzle