So Close

Masende update

Remember Masende?  Harrison’s son who you so kindly helped out with his university admission fees?  Well, he passed his first year of his engineering degree!  His parents are SO proud of him.  Both of them are very low earning unskilled workers who grew up during apartheid where there was very limited access to decent basic education for black people, and obtaining a university education was just about impossible for many, so this is a very big achievement for them, as it would be for any parent actually.  Thank you to all of you who made this possible xxxxx

South African Satire

If you are looking for a good laugh, go read Hayibo today, the articles on the home page are absolutely brilliant!  Might not be as funny if you aren't South African, but damn, I laughed my ass off.

Too posh to push

Someone asked me why I was so sure I was having a C section – my answer is because I have had two C sections before and in my last pregnancy, my uterus starting rupturing during labour at the C section scar. So I am pretty sure I will have a C section, and I am totally ok with that, no regrets what so ever (that shit just does not bother me), but I thought I would share something that will alarm some of you ‘push out the vagina’ types – C section rates for the wealthy in South Africa. 

Please note, I have nothing against people who choose to do C sections - even if I didn't have to have my first two, I might have chosen to do them anyway. Natural child birth terrifies me.

In South Africa there are two health systems. One is for the masses – it is free, sponsored by government, and while the doctors are excellent, the facilities are appalling. Run down, grotty, horrible. Long queues, no appointment system. You take what you can get.

The other is the private system – the ‘medical aid’ system. If you are wealthy in South Africa, you have medical aid. Like your medical insurance, but different. Here in South Africa, if you have medical aid, you can get to see the best doctors. No waiting, you call the shots. You want an appointment? You can have an appointment whenever it suits you. I can have weekly scans, because I want to and because I can – I am on medical aid. I can choose my doctor, I can choose my care. Our hospitals are like hotels, really luxurious and top class. My monthly medical aid payment is more than most South African earn as their full salary. It isn’t fair, and it isn’t just, but that is how it is here. The government is talking about making the health care system more equitable, but there is such huge disparity between the haves and the have nots, that there is a long way to go. Public health care is one of the biggest issues on Government’s agenda, and there is still so much to do.

Anyway, I wanted to share with you these statistics about how high the C section rate is for the private medical aid patients. Taken from this website here which is a natural birthing lobby group thingy, so take this with a bit of a pinch of salt, but they are probably not too far off the truth

South African rates for c-section as provided by various organisations:

Free health care service:

Government Department of Health in the Western Cape: 19.6% (Reason why it is so ‘high’ is because of the problem with HIV positive mothers passing on the virus to their babies during natural birth)

Private medical services:

Board of Health Care Funders in South Africa: 65%
Largest Medical Aid Scheme in South Africa: 70%
Council of Medical Aid Scheme’s in South Africa: 82%

There is currently no protocol in South Africa which governs the use of C/S surgery. This means that women must base their decisions on how their baby is born purely on what their doctor advises (or what they request themselves!).

Why is the C/S rate in SA rising?

• Defensive medicine
• Medical aids pay out for C/S       without requiring a medical necessity
• Art of normal delivery is       being lost
• Casual attitudes about       surgery
• Fear of natural birth: “Baby       is too big”
• Growing belief that C/S is       "safe"
• Side effects of other common       procedures
• Failure to support normal       physiologic labor 
• C/S chosen before less       interventive methods
• Women are having c-sections       for HIV+ status; National HIV rates = 30% KZN = 39.1% WC = 15.5%.
• Convenience
• Increased use of epidural       anaesthesia
• No VBAC policy

I’ll be there just now, now now.

I am not sure if you do this over there, but here in South Africa we have a few unique expressions we use to indicate timing – ‘now now’ and ‘just now’. Now now and just now can mean anything from 5 minutes to 5 hours. Confusing, yet as South Africans, we know exactly how long each means.

 

“So, I’ll see you there just now?” “Ja, cool”

“I’ve got a client coming in now now, please arrange parking!”

 

Now now is usually sooner than just now, but not always.

 

Unfortunately, Adam has yet to learn what ‘now now’, ‘just now’ or even what ‘today’ means. Our daily conversation goes something like this:

 

Adam: When is daddy coming home? 

Me: Tonight 

Adam: This night? 

Me: Yes, this night. 

Adam: Now now? 

Me: Not now now, but just now. Today. 

Adam: This day?

 

We can go on like this for hours. I cringe the days where he asks the question the minute he opens his eyes. We go through several versions of ‘this day’, ‘now now’, ‘this five minutes’ and ‘today’ until he is satisfied that his father is actually coming in the acceptable time frame, which is any combination of the above. Nownowthisdayfiveminutessixoclock. That time.

 

Want to share any unique language / dialect thing you guys do?  Now now please, not just now.

Hayibo - South African satire at its finest

I am sure most of you know the American satire site, The Onion? Well, I recently discovered the South African version of The Onion, Hayibo. It is absolutely brilliant, I actually chuckle out loud when I read it. For non-South Africans, it is a great insight into the humorous side of the psyche of South Africa, and for South Africans dit is forking snaaks.  Even just writing this post, I am grinning like mad. So, so funny. I do love this country of mine.

 

Do yourself a favour and check Hayibo out, good stuff. Particularly relevant at time like this when a cartoon has ignited the nation.

And the moral of the story is…

I was chatting to Sister Mel the other day and we were talking about how we are teaching our children about values and our approach to life. My sister says that she looks for opportunities to teach her children about compassion, about tenacity and not giving up. She said that her motto is “if you start something, you finish it”. I told her that I tell my children that they don’t have to do anything they don’t want to do. “If it feels horrible inside, you don’t have to do it”. Which just goes to show that you can raise your children the same, but there is no telling how they might turn out.

Seriously though, I am trying to teach my children about caring and compassion towards their fellow humans and also reaching out and helping those less fortunate than ourselves. Not just in our words but in our actions as well. This morning we gave loads and loads of our toys and stuff to a safe house for abandoned children. If there is one thing my siblings and I have all learnt from my parents, it is that we have a duty to give to those less fortunate than ourselves. My parents have always had great compassion for others. Sister Mel runs her charity and my other two siblings are also always helping others.

My children are so enormously privileged, and not only because they have an incredibly good looking and extremely witty mother, but because they have so much in comparison to so many. Using the opportunity of the daily drive to and from school, I have been trying to teach them that there are people who are less fortunate than they are. I am introducing them to the concept of poor and unprivileged. They are getting it, slowly.

Me: “See, that poor man is walking in the rain, he has no car”.

Adam: “And he doesn’t even have an umbrella”

Me: “yes”

Adam: “Why doesn’t he have an umbrella?”

Me: “Because he has no money to buy an umbrella”

Adam: “Why doesn’t he have any money?”

Me: “Because he doesn’t have a job”

Adam: “Why doesn’t he have any job?”

Me: “Because of an evil system called apartheid that subjected many people to terrible conditions of forced separation and poverty, the results of which can be seen by the massive amounts of poverty and unemployment that are keeping the poor downtrodden even today”

Ok, not the last part.

But I think I’ve been trying too hard at the Life Lessons, because they are taking this poor thing a bit too far.

Adam: “Look at that poor man, he doesn’t have an umbrella”

Kate: “Yes, and some people don’t even have legs or arms”

Adam: “Or a nose”

Kate: “Or a face”

Another thing we’ve been discussing is family, and how different families are made up. Some people have a mommy, a daddy, a boy and a girl. Some people have two mommies, some have no mommies etc etc.

Now, I live in a predominantly wealthy, white area. In South Africa, those two things – white and wealthy – go together more often than not. The hangover of apartheid. There are black people who live in the predominantly white and wealthy areas, but they are wealthy. There aren’t too many wealthy black areas. It is changing, but it would be dishonest to say that it isn’t so.

We are at a coffee shop / park the other day and there were a whole lot of (>90% white) families there. Kids playing, parents drinking coffee etc and there was one black guy standing there, watching while his daughter played on the climbing frame.

Adam in his booming voice pipes up: “OH DEAR, SEE – LOOK AT THAT POOR GIRL OVER THERE”

(Now, remember the “Black Work” post from last week? Remember I told you that we are a little sensitive to the race thing?)

Well, I nearly shat in my pants. I have obviously been over-zealous in my Life’s Lessons and now he thinks all black people are poor. Instant sweaty armpits.

I laugh with false cheer and whisper “no Adam, she is not poor, she is fine” Haha, nervous laugh. Grabbing his arm and trying to steer him away from the situation

He booms back “BUT SHE HAS GOT NO BROTHER”

Gawds truth, this child is going to be the death of me. I had to explain that yes, some people have no brother, but that is ok. They don’t even mind and it doesn’t make them poor. (Some sisters would even argue they are LUCKY to have no brother to irritate them!)

Phew. This parenting thing is damn hard work. I am thinking “You don’t have to do anything you don’t want to” is a damn site easier than this other life lesson stuff.

(Now, don't get your granny knickers in a knot! I know this sounds like I am too sensitive to race issues and that blah blah I am going to teach my children to be over sensitive to race etc etc, but it just so happened that the two incidents happened a few days apart. Relax! I am actually very chilled about race issues.  Some of my best friends are white.)

Autism South Africa and Jail4Bail

**Public Service Announcement**

Imagine being imprisoned, trapped inside your own world. Watching the world go by, unable to reach out, unable to connect. Trying to tune into the frequency of the rest of the world, but all you hear is a distorted cacophony of sound. Faces, objects and sounds make up a nightmare world and leave you with fear and confusion. Your outside world becomes chaotic and frightening.

Now try and imagine spending every waking hour of your life in this world. It is too much, so you withdraw into a safer world inside your own self.

Autism a developmental disorder that affects one in every 158 children under the age of 6. Autism is a Spectrum Disorder, therefore a person may be severely affected or mildly affected. No child with Autism is the same as the other. It therefore requires specialised and individualised education for the person to progress and reach their full potential.

But the reality is that for many underprivileged South Africans children, their Autism goes undetected and untreated. South African Society still regards children with disabilities as incapable, ill and a burden on society. More than 80% of African children with disabilities live in extreme poverty in inhospitable environments. They have very poor access to appropriate health care facilities and early childhood development opportunities. Such children are less likely than their siblings to attend school, to go on outings, to experience situations where they have to solve problems or contribute to household chores. As a result they grow to be disempowered adults, unable to make decisions, solve problems and take initiatives. Children with disabilities fear and experience exclusion from a very young age. Although the parents of children with disabilities have a special and specific role to play in the development of their children, mothers (especially) of children with disabilities often face ostracism from their partners, their families and their communities. The exclusion badly affects other non-disabled siblings, the survival of the family as a unit and the meaningful development of the disabled child.

A human rights and development approach to disability has significant implications for the way in which we provide education for the nation. It is estimated that almost 70% of children with disabilities of school-going age are presently out of school. This naturally results in illiteracy and low skills amongst adults with disabilities, contributing significantly to high levels of unemployment.

One father has made it his mission to raise awareness and funding for this cause. Gerhard Pieterse is a father of three children, one of whom has Autism . Instead of just standing by, he decided to do something that would highlight the plight so many children with Autism face.

Dubbed "Jail4Bail", the concept involves the ‘imprisonment’ of Gerhard in a single cell, placed in the middle of a shopping mall. “We would like to break down the barriers that people with Autism face on a daily basis.  Autism is a part of our world, not a world apart.”

With a "bail" set at R1 million ($130,000) to raise funds for the development of children and adults with Autism, Gerhard is has so far raised R500 000 in 65 days ($60,000) and a phenomenal amount of awareness to the general public.

If you want to contribute to this amazing cause (and help Gerhard get out of his jail cell to be reunited with his family!!), click on the Autism Western Cape site – there is an option to make a credit card donation there.

For more info on Gerhard and his amazing campaign, check out the Autism Western Cape website.

Black Work

Race is still a very sensitive in this country, for obvious reasons. I wish we could say that race is not an issue and we are all colour blind, but like a deep wound that is only now starting to heal, the area is still very bruised and quite sensitive. I have lots of hope for future generations, but this generation still proceeds with caution.

(And much to my dismay and deep despair, there are still some racist assholes in this country who keep perpetuating the pain. I have very strong feelings about this, but I will contain myself)

Anyway, so back to my story. Both Adam and Kate have only ever known a life with Rose in it. When we speak about families, and how our family is made up, they always include Rose. Our family has a mommy, a daddy, an Adam, a Kate and a Rose. Not a nanny, a Rose.

Rose and I have tried to find out from them what they think a Rose is. What is a ‘Rose’? But they don’t understand the question, all they know is Rose and Rose is Rose.

So the four of us were chatting at the kitchen counter the other day, and we were talking about families. About one day when they were bigger and would have their own children. Adam said he was going to be a daddy one day, and have onetwothreefourfivesixseveneightnineten children and a mommy and a Rose. So Rose said to him, “but what is a Rose? What work does a Rose do?” And Adam answers ‘black work’.

Well, I nearly bloody died!! Black work!!! OMG, the child is saying black people must do black work!! Where does he get that from! I have never said that to him, we have never even spoken about black and white. I was so embarrassed.

And then he carries on talking, “and I am going to do green work, and Kate will do pink work”.

Rose and I just burst out laughing.

(BTW, Marko doesn’t do a specific colour work, his work is to “smack lions”. Where the child gets that from, I have no idea. Must have been all that dope I smoked in my pregnancy)

I wonder whether the answer ‘black work’ would have sparked the same kind of anxious reaction in another country. Would it have? The scars run so deep here that we are so sensitive to it. So overly careful not to cause offence, so quick to look for it. 

PS Apparently I do black work as well.

No one is entirely sure what exactly is involved in 'black work', but it obviously doesn't include smacking lions

A lawless society

I was listening the radio the other day (as one does) and the chap on the radio was talking about South Africa and what a lawless society we are. I thought to myself, ‘yes it is true, THEY (the unnamed masses) really are a lawless bunch’ but then he carried on talking about how pervasive it is in our society. It is not just the (many) rapists, murderers and petty criminals we have, it is all of us. And much to my shame, I have to admit he is right. South Africans, in general, have little respect for the law. We all blatantly ignore the speed limits, with absolutely no compunction. We talk on our cell phones while we are driving, even though we all know it is illegal. Someone called into the radio yesterday to participate in a debate and mid sentence he stops and says “oops, hold a second, cop coming, ok gone, as I was saying…” and carries on as if nothing is wrong. No one bats an eye.

Now I know these things are not necessarily hugely criminal acts, but they are against the law.  What does that say about the psyche of our society if we unashamedly break the laws in our every day lives all the time?

People don’t pay their TV licenses, they use illegal software, they buy pirated DVDs from the side of the road, all while complaining about THE CRIME IN THIS COUNTRY, and yet are we any better?

Look, I am as bad as the next person. While I don’t use illegal software or buy pirated DVDs, I do drive over the speed limit and I talk on my cell phone while driving all the time. How does that make me any better than the other people who break the law?

Is it a South African thing? Are we especially bad here, or is it like that in your country too? My sense is that in most of the traditional developed nations people seem to have a healthier regard for the law? What is it about South Africa that we do our own thing regardless of whether it is illegal or not?

Calling all fairy godmothers

Hello dear hearts. My sister, the happy clapper, is putting together a fundraising ball for her charity, Bosom Buddies. As you know, her charity provides destitute new mothers the basic necessities like sanitary towels, baby blankets and a few other items which they otherwise would not have. These mothers are so poor that they sometimes have to take their babies home wrapped in old newspaper as they have nothing else.

Anyway, she is putting together a ball to raise funds and has come up with a great idea to rewards and acknowledge the many volunteers who help her in the charity. Some of the volunteers are themselves not very well off financially and would ordinarily never be able to afford a ticket to the ball.

She is inviting all of you to attend, but considering that some of you stay a little far away, you could attend by proxy.  If you are able and willing to play fairy godmother, you could sponsor one of the volunteers to attend the ball on your behalf. Tickets are R300 / $38 per person and she has all the details on her blog. Please go check it out and if you can help, please do.

Thanks and smooches xxx