For the handful
of nasty troll-like comments and emails I occasionally get, I get many, many
more wonderful comments and notes from people from all walks of life. It is so
affirming, and it makes me feel so connected to the people who read my blog. I
love them all, but there are some people with whom I feel a very strong
connection.
I got one of
those emails recently from a woman who said that she had been through a really
tough time lately, having been through in her words “what is loosely and
incorrectly called a 'breakdown'. She writes (so beautifully) “Your trials and
travails, joys and disappointments, have been a solace, a source of empathy and
have offered a 'connection', no matter how remote. Thank you for walking
(unknowingly) beside me.”
What a gorgeous
email! Aren’t those just the most
wonderful words?
And you know, I
totally get what she was saying. I
emailed her back to say that isn’t it strange how we feel such a strong
connection to others who seem to have walked a similar road to ours, who seem
to have the same type of ‘mental issues’ we have.
Like with my
stalker / impostor. So many people
berated her, calling her ‘mentally disturbed’, which perhaps she is/was, but I
couldn’t help but feel sorry for her. As I only half-jokingly said to my sister,
as a “mentally disturbed” person myself, I can’t help feel sorry for her. I don’t agree with what she did and I
certainly don’t ever want to hear from her again, but I don’t hate her, I just feel
sorry for her.
Not that I am ‘mentally
disturbed’ of course! Look how sane I am! *evil grin*
I think that
unless you have been close to that place, whether it be depression, anxiety, having
a breakdown, being ‘mentally disturbed’ or whatever, it might be difficult to
understand what it feels like. No one
chooses to be ‘mentally disturbed’, or depressed etc. It is a horrible place to be. It doesn’t excuse your actions or exonerate
you from your wrong-doings, but I understand.
And like it was
with infertility, there seems to be a kinship with those who have or are
suffering from mental maladies. There
seems to be a special place of understanding, a connection. Oh look, there is someone who also doesn’t
always have their shit together either. Perhaps
being ‘abnormal’ in a ‘normal’ world (what is ‘normal’ anyway) creates a bond,
a sense of shared understanding.
And isn’t it
funny how, like with my infertility, I have chosen to be totally public about my
(depression / anxiety / anal tendencies / paranoia / therapy / antidepressants
/ SID / general craziness) when so many chose to be private about it. I wonder why I am like that. I suppose, like with infertility, I am not
ashamed or embarrassed of who I am, how I am made up. You either like me as I
am, or you don’t. No apologies, no shame. This is me, warts and all. I quite
like me, useless ovaries and crazy mind aside ;-)
To all the manic
depressives, bipolars, OCD’s and anal, control-freak mentally disturbed infertiles
out there, I love you!
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