So Close

My very own book shower

I am sure you all know her by now, but in case you didn't, Melissa is THE Queen of all Infertiles - she is one of the most knowledgeable people in the land of infertility and runs a blog that aggregates lots and lots of other infertility bloggers. A really switched on girl who has v v kindly offered to host a book shower for my book, YAY!

On Monday morning, American time (which I think converts to Christmas 2008 in South Africa), she will post a list of names of the wonderful, kind and exceptionally good looking folk who bought a copy of my book with their own hard earned $$$ and kindly offered to review my book on their blogs. EEEEKK!!  Some potentially critical feedback on my book - my sphincter is clenching.  It's never easy to hear critique on something so personal.  I could never be an artist or something like that, I would cry if someone didn't like my painting. Not that it means you shouldn't be honest in your feedback about my book! 

Please pop over to Mel's blog and click on each of the names of the reviews to read what they thought about my book.

Oh, and while you are at it - Mel has written her own book, a fantastic guide on navigating the land of infertility.  Why not buy both our books together, they go so nicely together ;-)

Thanks Mel, for the book shower and for always flying the flag high for us IF gals. xxxx

JK Rowling vs Ordinary Joe (aka Tertia)

There is a big misconception out there that if you write a book, you are going to get rich.  If you ever want to get rich, please do yourself a favour – DO NOT WRITE A BOOK. Or, write a book, but do it for love, not for money, because honey, there is no money in writing a book.

Sure, there are some who make money. There are some who make a HUGE amount of money, but they are the tiny, tiny few.  I would estimate that less than 1% of people who write a book (and have it published) earn enough money from their sales alone to support themselves.  Most authors do freelance work, and other writing in order to make enough money to live.

Here in South Africa, that is especially true. Here you definitely do NOT write a book for money.  (SA has a low literacy rate, plus books are expensive here, so v few people buy books)  You write a book for many reasons – to tell your story, to express your creativity, to connect, to build your brand, or just for love, which is what I did.  I wrote my book to tell my tale.  To share with those I loved what I went through. To document the story for my children. To honour the children I had lost, and to let others know what it was like to live in my world.

During my first discussions with the publisher, they nervously broached the subject around expectations of earnings, and I said ‘relax, I have no expectations’. Which is just as well because in the three years I have had my book out, and taking into account that it has done fairly well according to South African standards, I have earned less in total for all the sales than I do in ONE MONTH’S SALARY.  That’s right, I earn more in one month at work than I do for all the money I have made out of my book over three years.  Oh, and as for that ‘advance’ thing that most people think you get – happens mostly only in movies and for well known authors.  Not for lowly folk like myself.

People are always shocked when I tell them the facts.  I think most people think that if you have a book published, you make boatloads of money, but it isn’t true for most. Most authors get $1 or $2 a book.  When you self-publish, like I did for the overseas market, you have to invest a whole lot of money upfront. So after your first few hundred copies are sold, you haven’t even paid off the expenses incurred to date.  In fact, in my last tax return, the tax man felt so sorry for me, HE gave me money back, hahaha!

But none of that matters, or at least not to me. I didn’t write the book for money.  Any money I might or might not make out of it is just the cherry on top, and to be quite honest, I am going to have to sell a shit load of books to come close to covering the money I’ve spent in IVFs etc!! But as I said, it really doesn’t matter to me. 

Writing the book, and having people read it, is more payment than I could ever have wished for. I feel immensely proud of myself for having stuck it through, as I am a notorious slacker who would rather take the easy way out than do hard work with things like this.  ‘Ah fuck that, sounds too much like hard work’ is a common approach. So the fact that I wrote in the first place, then had the gumption to follow it all the way through to the end (getting it on Amazon etc) is a big feather in my cap. 

So darling hearts, please rest assured that I am not about to leave you for the lifestyles of the rich and famous, I am going to have to stick it out with the day job and the egg donor business (www.nurture.co.za) for a little while longer. BUT!  That doesn’t mean you mustn’t buy the book!!!  I want you all to read it and tell me what you think!  But please, be very gentle.  If I am not going to get rich, I at least want a bit of gratuitous flattery ;-)

Oi!  Get the book!  Immediately!  We shall be BFF if you do.

For an excellent and very humorous view on making money from writing, check out this brilliant blog post by Brian Keene.

A book on infertility, and more

And now I can tell you my ‘secret’.  Well, it’s not a secret, it’s my good news!  FINALLY!!!  My book is FINALLY available on Amazon!  I am so so so bloody excited. I decided to self publish through THE most amazing self-publishing company in South Africa called Mousehand. Publishing houses are notoriously SLACK in interacting with authors, but Mousehand are amazing.  I have never worked with a more efficient, more on the ball company before. Regular updates, time lines that are ALWAYS met, project driven methodology etc etc.  Amazing. 

Anyway, enough about them, lets talk about my book!!  It is available here (<----- click that link), and then click the link that says ‘buy 10 copies for me and all my friends’. 

I am so chuffed that I have done this. It has been hanging over my head as unfinished business for two years. There were many times when I wanted to give up on getting it published overseas as it can be a pretty soul destroying process (the rejections! Oh the rejections!) but that felt like giving up. And even though I had achieved really great things in South Africa with the book, I knew that ‘seeing it through’ meant making it available for all my overseas blog readers.  So I am v v pleased with myself on a personal level because I stuck with it, I didn’t give up (Sister Mel would be so proud of me!)

I know I wont make much money out of this (all I want to do is recoup my expenses to date) but I never wrote the book to make money, I wrote it to tell my story.  For others who are going through it, for those who love them, for my children and most especially, to honour Ben, Luke and all the babies I’ve lost.  Now it is done. All it needs is for you to buy it :-)

Go buy the book!  And please help me do some viral marketing (with no budget) – tell all your friends to tell their friends, blog about it, twitter about it, FB about it.  This is a great book for infertiles, for fertiles and for anyone in between.  I need to pay off the cost of publishing the damn thing myself!

(Oh, and please put your review up on Amazon once you’ve read it, or rate one of the other reviews, I think that helps.  If you’ve read the local version, which is exactly the same as the international version, please add your reviews to this post or even better, to Amazon!)

The very, very connected Mel from Stirrup Queens will be doing a cyber book tour on it soon and you will get to read various reviews from her readers there. 

 

MEDIA RELEASE:

So Close: Infertile and Addicted to Hope, Tertia Albertyn's Blooker-nominated journal about her battle with infertility is now available to international readers on Amazon, Powell's Books, and practically every e-retailer on the planet.

So Close, a heart-breaking, yet deliciously funny account of Tertia's journey from infertility to motherhood, was first published by Oshun in 2006, and has received rave reviews in the South African media.

Says Sam Wilson of women24.com: "Tertia is warm and irreverent, foul-mouthed and appropriately self-obsessed, full of insecurity and, most importantly for our purposes, the kind of person who can draw you into her tale."

With glowing descriptions from the media -- "The writing is deeply moving, often infused with wacky and off-centre humour. Her 'can do' attitude is inspiring ... Albertyn is gutsy and not afraid to bare her soul ... This book is a terrific read." (Cape Times) -- and fans of her blog www.tertia.org "I finished Tertia's book in less than 24 hours. It was so compelling, I had to force myself to go to sleep and not just continue reading through the night ... Just like her blog, Tertia's book addresses the issue [of infertility] with incredible candidness." (Janine Dunlop, tertia.org contributor), it's no surprise that sales for So Close are still going strong, three years after publication.

And now, you too can purchase a copy, from any e-retailer worldwide or any bookstore in the US and UK.  Buy it on Amazon here

AMAZON REVIEWS:

An Amazing, Poignant Book

This is an amazing, poignant book that will make you laugh and cry as you go with Tertia on her sometimes heartbreaking journey through infertility. The book, adapted from her very popular and wonderful blog, "So Close," is not just for people who have suffered infertility, stillbirth, miscarriage, or the death of an infant. It's for every parent who has had or is thinking of having a baby. It's so important for people who have never grappled with infertility to know what others are going through, and for those of us who have been there know we are not alone. The best thing about it? Tertia's story ends triumphantly.

 

Terrific read--definitely not just for infertile folks!

This is a beautifully written, hilarious and heartbreaking memoir. Sure, it's about infertility and would be a great choice if you or someone you love is grappling with that. You'll definitely be cheered, inspired, and you'll learn a lot. But I haven't had fertility problems and neither has anyone I am close to. I was nevertheless delighted to discover the acerbically funny Tertia and to go through her long, agonizing journey to motherhood with her. You'd think a memoir like this would be all warm and fuzzy mixed with earnest longing and sadness. You know, important, good for you, but ultimately kind of deadly. Not with Tertia as narrator, all prickly bad attitude with Chardonnay in hand and wisecrack at the ready. Somehow she manages to be snarky and sincere at the same time--how perfect is that? "So Close" is just a terrific book, funny and tragic, full of hope and, ultimately, joy. You'll wish, like I do and like her thousands of blog fans do, that she didn't live so far away (South Africa) so she could be your BFF.

 

A great book

Simply put, this is a great read even for those without fertility issues and a must read for those that do.

 

A special book for new Dads

My dear friend Jennifer and her husband have put together a really sweet book that makes the perfect gift for first time fathers, just in time for Father's Day!

While some men are absolute ‘naturals’ when it comes to tiny babies, there are many, like my husband, who were complete novices when their first little baby arrives. So much of the ‘fuss’ pre and post birth is around the mom (as it should be!) that the poor dads often get totally forgotten about and their introduction to babies is a baptism by fire.

This beautiful little book is a the perfect ‘baby shower’ gift for all new dads and besides the stunning photos it contains, it also has some pretty insightful tips and advice from the author (James, Jennifer’s husband) who is a father of three himself. Newborn bonding, carrying, skin-to-skin contact, diapering, going places, napping, playing, exercising, reading to baby etc is all covered in a lighthearted and informative way.

You can read more about the book here and buy it here.

   

Calling all bookish bloggers

My NBF Louise is doing a DIY book tour for her latest book and I told her I would get all my friends in the computer to support her because you guys are divine like that and any friend of mine is a friend of yours etc. So, please spread the word!

Are you single, feeling that biological clock ticking and getting a little nervous?

Or perhaps you are married with child, but you know of plenty of women who fit the description above?

Or do you just want to know what the HELL is going on in the minds of the growing number of single women who are becoming moms by using sperm donors?

Louise Sloan, author of the controversial new book Knock Yourself Up--which has been featured in Newsweek, London Times, salon.com and elsewhere--is looking for bloggers interested in reviewing her book (rather than just reporting on the controversy).

Knock Yourself Up is a combo of memoir and reporting, featuring the voices of nearly 50 sperm-donor single moms from across the U.S. and Canada. More info at www.knockyourselfup.com.

Upcoming news hooks include the April 25 U.S. release of the single-mother-by-choice-themed Hollywood comedy Baby Mama (www.babymamamovie.net), and U.S. Mother's Day, May 11th.

If you'd like a review copy, please contact Louise at knockyourselfup@gmail.com. Include your name, blog URL & average traffic, and mailing address.

(Story of how Louise and I became BFF - She sent me her book, which I loved. I then sent her my book, which she loved.  We started emailing back and forth and then I discovered Louise liked wine which made me like her even more. We then we started making videos of our kids for each other. And then we rode off into the sunset together. The End.)

 

‘So Close’ THIS Close

Gah. I have bad news. I haven’t been able to tell you all because I actually can’t bear to admit to myself what absolutely revolting bad luck this is.

One month before the UK release of my book, the publisher has gone into liquidation. ONE MONTH. The deal is off. After being THIS close to eventually getting it released overseas, we are back to square one.

I took the news really badly. So so disappointed. My book is about my incredible bad luck when it came to trying to have a child, and so it seems inordinately unfair that the book should suffer the same fate too.

Oh well, back to square one: cap in hand, looking for another publisher. My agent is going to try again but if any of you have contacts with someone Influential and Important in the publishing world, tell them to PLEASE have a look at my book. Offer to give them a blow job in return. You know I’d do it for you!

Naptime is the New Happy Hour

MotherTalk Book Review:  "Naptime is the new Happy Hour" by Stephanie Wilder-Taylor

I haven't done one of these MotherTalk book reviews for a while. I just haven't had the time recently to read anything for pleasure, all the books I choose are for the 'educational value'.  If it isn't going to teach me something, I don't have time to read it.  Terrible, I know!  What happened to pleasure?  Not quite sure. I think I penciled it in between 13:00 and 14:00.  Co-incidentally when my toddlers have their naptime too!

I started off not liking this book too much, I felt like Stephanie was trying too hard to be funny and irreverent.  But by the end of the book I really liked Stephanie and thought I could quite easily share a glass or two of Chardonnay with her. 

"Picking up where her last book (Sippy Cups are Not for Chardonnay) left off, Wilder-Taylor takes the reader through life after that hazy first year into a land where parents wonder: “Will refined sugar make my toddler’s head explode? Is it wrong to have a cocktail at two in the afternoon? And what exactly is a Backyardigan?”

From errands and haircuts with toddlers to surviving playdates, Wilder-Taylor will have readers laughing hysterically and nodding empathetically through the second year and beyond."

I must admit I did chuckle to myself along the way and nod my head in recognition at a lot of the book.  It is a light-hearted read that pokes a stick at the Perfect Parents (who are probably also part of the Parenting Police) and who quite often takes themselves far too seriously. 

Going back to my intro, I'm not sure the book 'taught' me anything as such, but it was an entertaining read nonetheless. An unintentional 'for pleasure' book. Absolutely nothing wrong with that.  Now if you'll excuse me, I think the Boeing just flew over*. Time for mommy's Chardonnay.

More info on the book here.  Buy the book here

*Do you use that expression there? I think it is a South African thing actually. No idea where it comes from, but if we use it here to to determine what time of the day it is appropriate to start drinking.  "Oh, I think the Boeing just flew over, time for a drink everyone". 

I love those Aussies plus my book on Amazon

I love the Aussies. Well, actually, I HATE it when we play sport against them, because those bloody Aussies always beat us.  Annoys the shit out of me.  South Africa and Australia are very competitive on the sports field.  Bloody Warne. And Lee.  That Lee bloke is far too cocky.

Anyway, I love Australians.  They have the best sense of humour.  Australians can take a joke and they love taking the piss at themselves.  So considering my fondness for those Aussies, imagine how delighted I was when one of their top bloggers Karen Cheng asked whether she could interview me on her blog!!!  Really, really cool. Check out the interview here.

And even cooler, you will notice that my book is available for pre-order on Amazon - EVENTUALLY!! Unfortunately my US agent wont give up the US rights for the book, so the book is only available on Amazon UK, but I am sure you Americans can get it from there to?  At least it is one step closer. V v exciting!!! (Don' t you just love the new cover??  Love it)

My book is also available from Tesco, Play.com, Waterstones, Blackwell and WHSmith

To end off, I thought I would do a little quiz. A competition of sorts. The winner will get a weekend away with Marko and the kids.  I'll be at home reading books and drinking wine.

How much money do you think you think I've earned from my book to date.  Total amount including any advances, royalties, commission etc, excluding any expenses.  Answer revealed tomorrow.

Knock Yourself Up

I’ve just read the most marvelous book entitled “Knock Yourself Up: A Tell-All Guide to Becoming a Single Mom” by Louise Sloan. It is a fabulous book and an absolute Must Read for anyone who is thinking about becoming a single mom.

“Knock Yourself Up features Louise’s own hilarious and heart-warming story, plus the experiences of other women from all over the U.S. who decided they wouldn’t let being single stand in the way of creating a family. This entertaining and informative book is required reading for any single woman over 30 who thinks she might want kids someday.”

Many single moms by choice (SMC) have to do some type of assisted reproductive procedure, so I could relate to some of that. I loved this book so much, and by the end of it I loved Louise too. She is really funny. I’ve been emailing back and forth with her*.  V G&D.  Such a fabulous insight into this world.

A friend of mine has three children, the first one she raised as a single mom for 6 years until she met her current husband. She says that while there are definite pluses to raising children when in a committed relationship, the six years she spent as a single mom to her son were some of the best times of her life. Even though she battled financially, and had some tough times, there were so many golden moments when it was just the two of them. Louise speaks about that too, and in a way, I am a little envious of that. I wouldn’t give up my husband for the world (ok, so maybe I would consider offers between 500k-1m USD), but sometimes I do fantasize about what it would be like. To be on my own with the kids. Sounds terribly disloyal doesn’t it. I only really have these thoughts when he is being an absolute asshole and it is either leave him or kill him. The thought of never having to share or compromise on the parenting thing does sound rather delicious. Plus as Louise and my friend say, if there is no partner, there is no opportunity for that age old resentment about who does more or whose turn it is; it is always your turn. Which is exactly why being a single mom is both wonderful and exhausting at the same time.

I would love to hear some thoughts from my SMC friends out there.  Especially those who have done both, been in a relationship and done the single mother thing. What has your experience been like? What advice would you give to others? What about those who are choosing to wait for “Mr or Ms Right” before having children? Why aren’t you pursuing single motherhood? V interested to hear your thoughts on this. (BTW, I have two SMC friends who have twins! Now THAT is a tough job.)

                                  ---------------------------------------

*Louise told me that she received a stack of hate mail from some people, so I asked her why:

"Oh, because I'm a selfish, man-hating, fatherhood-bashing monstrosity who didn't give a moment's thought to how my choice might affect my child, I was too busy thinking about me, me, me; in fact I had him as a lifestyle accessory, like an expensive purse or an espresso maker. "

Can you actually believe there are people like that out there!  Stupid assholes. I couldn't believe it.  But she says that 99% of the feedback has been amazingly positive and I can understand why. Really divine book. For SMC or for anyone else.

Read more here. Buy the book here

Sticking to my knitting

As you know, I am part of the Mother Talk group of bloggers who participate in their cyber books tours. How it works is that the organizers will send out an email with a list of books up for review that month and invite bloggers to choose or book or two to review. 

The books up for review cover a vast range of topics, from fiction to non-fiction – food / babies / health / fashion – you name it. All that they have in common is that they are written by women, for women.

Because the last time I read a book purely for pleasure was 17 million years ago, before I had kids, I usually pick books that have something to do with children. Sleep books / discipline books / child care ‘expert’ books. Which doesn’t really say too much for the books seeing as my kids don’t eat or sleep properly, nor do they listen to me. But that could just be me. I am clearly a slow learner.

So this time, when the list went around, I decided to stray completely out of my current reality and choose a book that had absolutely nothing to do with children. What could be further from poopy diapers and toddler tantrums than Fashion and Style? This month I choose Nina García’s “Little Black Book of Style”

Nina García is apparently the fashion director at Elle magazine and a formidable judge on Bravo’s Project Runway. I say ‘apparently’ because the world of fashion is so totally removed from mine that she could be the next President of the Fashion Empire and I wouldn’t know.

The blurb for Nina’s book went as follows:

“The Little Black Book of Style provides the essential rules for fashion that every woman should know. From pointers on how to create your own sense of style, to uncovering what makes you look and feel good, García offers readers the ultimate guide to dressing their best.”

Sounds fabulous, doesn’t it? And it is. It is a fabulous little book. Beautifully illustrated, appealingly put together in a little black book full of tips and hints and inner secrets from the world of fashion. And all completely useless to me. That world is just too far removed from my own.

But that doesn’t mean it isn’t a great book and for someone who lives in that kind of world, it would be a really great gift. If you have a girlfriend whose world is made up of dinner parties, little black dresses and matching shoes and bags, then this is a fabulous ‘stocking filler’. But for someone whose bra doesn’t even match her panties, never mind her shoes matching her bag, it was all a bit of a waste of time.

Next time I’ll stick to the stuff that really interests me: the little black book of mommyhood.

(BTW, it really is a lovely book. Rose thoroughly enjoyed it. She is way more stylish than I am)

Read more about the book here    Buy the book here