So Close

Karen from the Naked Ovary

In case you were wondering where she is, she is here

(Busy sorting out my To Do list. Posting the link was one of those things on my To Do list. CHECK.)

The 2010 Bloggies

Cool!  Haven't done one of these for AGES! Didn't think anyone read my blog anymore ;-)  I've been nominated for a 2010 bloggies award - Best African Blog.  Go vote for me now or else I will cast a spell on you and turn you into a hyena.  People will laugh and point at you.  (Good thing is, you can laugh your hyena laugh back at them). Vote here

Top 50 Mommy Bloggers

A few years ago, in the throws of my infertility, never in a million years would I have guessed that I would be listed as one of the "Top Mommy Bloggers".  Cool huh.  Not too shabby for a South African gal. Check out the list here

I know some people don't like the label "mommy blogger", but I frankly don't care. I am a mother and I blog. If it makes people feel better to categorize me as a mommy blogger, then so be it. And let's be honest, it's a damn site better than being listed as one of the Top 50 Asshole Bloggers.

This is the point where I stick my fingers in ears and say I CAN'T HEAR YOU! <-- For those of you who are saying "Well, if there was a list of Top Asshole Bloggers, YOU'D BE NUMBER ONE ON THE LIST!

Can't stop thinking about you

Is it normal to think about you ALL THE TIME?  Ever since our trial separation, you are all I think about. I keep thinking "I wonder what you would think of THIS!" or "I must tell you about THAT!"  And then I remember that we are supposed to be having a break from each other.

I am worried I might have been too hasty in our break up. I think I might need you around more than I thought I would. You mean more to me than I realized.

I don't want it to be one of those relationships where I keep going "I'm leaving". "I'm staying". "I'm leaving".  I don't want to mess you around.

Bottom line is I don't think I am ready to leave.  But I am also not ready to for things to go back to what they were before.  I can't be the same person I was. Which isn't necessarily a bad thing.

Could we start over?  Will you have me back?  Will be ok if we start slowly in the beginning? 

Trial separation

I think it is time for a trial separation.  I don’t think it is anyone’s fault, but I think we’ve got stuck in a bit of a rut.  We hardly talk anymore and when we do, it is forced conversation.  I find myself having to dig really deep to find things to talk about.  And this makes me feel bad. We’ve been through so much together, through good times and bad.

Maybe it is me. Maybe I have too much on my plate to focus on the relationship.  I know that no relationship will survive without love and attention, but right now I have so many other things that need my attention.  I feel stretched and torn. 

And yet, even saying this out loud makes me feel terrible!  I feel an enormous sense of obligation towards you.  I also worry about what will happen if we do separate for a while.  Will you forget about me?  Will you still care?  I also don’t want you leave you hanging, hoping. I hate letting you down.  This is hard, but it is better than stringing you along.

Part of me wants to end it forever; I fantasize about how freeing it will be. No one to please, no one to report to.  But a bigger part of me still needs you.  The thought of never speaking again is depressing. 

I know you must be wondering if there is something else, something that is taking me away from you, and I would be lying if I said it wasn’t so.

The others were supposed to be lighthearted distractions, nothing serious.  Fun flings, flights of fancy. And yet I find myself spending more and more time there and there, and less time here.  I thought I could have it all, that there was a place for all, but maybe I was just fooling myself. 

And so I think it is time for a trial separation.  Let’s see if this works.  I can’t say how long it will be, I am hoping it is not too long.  And I hope you will be here when I come back. 

Dear blog readers, I do love you, very much but for now we will have to bond on Facebook or on Twitter. I’ll be back, as soon as I find something interesting to say and five minutes to say it in! Love you, mean it.  Chat soon xxx

PS Eeek!  I see a few of you have taken me up on my offer to connect on FB.  If you do, please add a 'personal message' to say that you aren't a random pervert or stalker, but that you are a blog reading pervert/stalker.  I like to classify my perverts accordingly. 

 

If your name is Jennifer & you are a 36 year old Cancerian, you too can be my FB friend

Out of Tertia's 1,901 Facebook friends:

Most common name:Jennifer (27 friends)

Most common zodiac sign:Cancer (152 friends)

Female/Male:80% / 20%

Single/Taken:10% / 90%

Average age:36 years old

PS As always, you are welcome to be my Facebook friend - but if you do send a friend request, please put something like 'I read your blog' in the message field so that I can differentiate you from 'I am a pervert and I would like to stalk you online'. Thanks.

My BFF Zsusie's husband hates the gays more than the infertiles!

Remember Zsuzsanna, the mail order bride married to that epitome of godliness, the very tolerant Pastor Steve?  She who wrote about me with so much love (and I dare say a dash of lust), pretending to hate me, calling me names like 'freak', 'monster' and 'vulgar' when it was BLATANTLY clear she secretly wanted me? Well it looks like her and her hubby Stevie hate gay people more than they hate those of us who do IVF!  There is a pecking order folk, and I've just been moved up a rung. 

Hey, I just noticed Zsusie is on Facebook, I wonder if she would want to be my Facebook friend? 

Enough

I've just come online (looooong day) and seen all the back and forth.  Firstly, thank you for your wonderful show of support.  Thank you for 'getting' why I reacted the way I did.

The blogger has emailed me again, apologizing again. I'm fine. I was very upset by it, but I am fine now and as much as I appreciate the fact that you are being loyal and looking out for me, it's enough now.  The point has been made and I don't want any one to persecute her. You are welcome to comment on my blog about issues of copyright and plagiarism or whatever, but please dont email her or leave negative comments on her blog. Yes she did wrong, but two wrongs don't make a right (one of my father's favourite expressions) so lets leave it now. Ok? I want to move on.  Happy thoughts!

PS thank you for caring about me. I am very fond of you xxx

Why I am am angry

Firstly, people asked me how I find these things out - my readers email me with a 'heads up'.  It's the only way I know people are plagiarizing my stuff.  I suppose I wouldn't know otherwise.

Then, to the people who get up in arms because my readers react the way they do - I have two things to say:  firstly, I can't and don't control what my readers do or do not do. Just like I can't control who plagiarizes my work.  Secondly, believe it or not, I actually SLEEP sometimes and can't be monitoring the Internet 24/7.  And here's a little heads up - there is this thing called a TIME DIFFERENCE between our countries, so while you are getting all riled up, I am sleeping which is why I am not responding to your email or comment RIGHT THIS VERY SECOND.

As you can tell, I am still cross.  Not very very cross or very very upset, I am not weeping into my handkerchief or gnawing at my wrists (or plotting revenge), but I am cross.  I lay awake this morning and wondered why. Why did I respond so strongly?* (usually I am too scared to 'upset' other people by calling them out, even those who do me wrong - how pathetic) 

The woman who copied my life with pics of my kids, I felt sorry for her. She was lonely.  The woman who copied my personality (by using my blog posts about my personality) - well, she didn't mean harm I suppose.  See, they copied the happy parts of my life, and somehow I don't mind sharing those. 

But what got me about this one is that this woman copied the sad parts of my life, pretending they were her emotions.  And the sad parts of my life were very, very sad.  I was raw, broken, finished.  I ended up in a psychiatric ward one afternoon because the pain of my sadness was almost too much to bear, I thought I was going to go mad.  And for someone to copy that, to pass it off as their own and have people feel sorry for her feels like it is trivializing what I went through.  Trivializing my son's death.  And even worse, deceiving people in the process. You've taken 5 years of the most painful part of my life and trivialized it by cutting and pasting and pretending it's yours.

(And yes, I saw the apology this morning.  She apologizes for not using quotation marks and attributing the work.  I don't care about that. I care about the fact that she is trivializing my pain by faking it as hers.  And that is why I am cross.  But I am moving on, promise. I will stop being cross in about 20 minutes or so. I've wasted enough time on this already.  Off to work I go.)

*Yesterday was a bad day. Firstly I had a good friend fail her 7th donor cycle. That is beyond unfair. Secondly, one of my best friends found out she miscarried a perfectly healthy fetus on her 11th IVF. Total mindfuck. Thirdly I met with a couple who sold their car to finance their fifth donor IVF. And then I had some asshole try and pull a nasty trick on me (not related to this).  And then this.  I guess that is why I reacted so strongly.

Edited to add:  The blogger in question has just emailed me to say sorry. Let's just leave it. As I said, I've wasted enough time on this already. Yuck. Just when you think you've recovered from all the pain you went through in the past, you get a lovely little reminder.

I've had enough of the plagiarizers

I've been plagiarized a few times, sometimes really scarily (one person recreated an entire life based on mine, using photos of my kids pretending it was her kids), and each time, instead of being angry, I've felt kind of sorry for the person. But this time I am pissed off.  This time I've had enough.

This person has ripped off many of my blog posts and many parts of my book, pretending they are her words and thoughts. And even worse, has got people feeling sorry for her and empathizing with 'her' feelings and emotions.  That is just wrong.

And I know this is wrong and judgey of me, but the fact that she is claiming to be a Christian makes it even worse for me.  Doesn't the bible say something about 'thou shalt not steal other people's blog posts and pass it off as your own'?

Fuck. I am really cross about this.

(Click on the images to enlarge them - spot the difference)