So Close

Pick n Pay Campaign

My friend Boulder said I had to share this with you :-)

I was a nominee in Pick n Pay's "Inspirational Women" campaign. Cool huh.

Tertia Albertyn became almost-famous whilst struggling along the journey to motherhood. After nine In Vitro Fertilisations (IVFs), various miscarriages and two children who were born, but didn't survive, Tertia successfully gave birth to twins, Adam and Kate. She later had another boy, Max. Tertia is South Africa's favourite blogger, a published author and is now the proud owner of Nurture, an egg donation program which dedicates its time and effort to helping other couples become families through the medium of surrogacy, egg donation and fertility support.
Through the medium of writing, Tertia has touched many a lives and become an inspirational woman to people from all walks of life, especially with her candid sense of humour. She believes in loyalty to her followers.

Look out for her on magazine covers, on TV talk shows and for her inspirational writing in columns for various publications. You can also read her blog here.

Why did the chicken cross the road?

Answer: Because we took it for a walk.

Sometimes I look at my life and think that if my former glamorous, oh-so-with-it self (pre marriage and kids) could see my life now, she would shake her head in horror.  Three kids, two dogs, two bunnies, a few fish, a bowl of tadpoles, a chicken, one husband, a large mortgage, comfortable pants and what looks suspiciously like (and probably is) dried snot on my shoulder.  

Of course, if my former infertile self had to see my life now, her heart would explode with happiness because my life is exactly how I wished it would be.  Except perhaps for a few kilos more and a few bucks less.  But every bit as crazy / busy / full / wonderful as I hoped it would be.

Still, I have to laugh. I hear myself do and say things that I never thought I would say. Like for example "make sure the chicken doesn't run across the road".  

We have a chick. A baby chicken.  My father bought two baby chicks for the kids, but one unfortunately didn't survive the love and enthusiasm dished out by the twins.  The surviving chick (who just happens to be Kate's chick 'Fluffy', according to Kate that is) stays in a special hutch thing with special warming lights and special straw and special food etc.  

Cost of chick (bought by my father) = 10 bucks

Cost of special hut, special warming lights, special everything else (bought by Marko) = Much, MUCH more than 10 bucks

As soon as it is big enough and able to keep itself warm, it will go outside in the area where the bunnies romp around.  But for now it stays in its special hutch.  Unless we take it out for a walk.  Yes, we take our chicken for a walk. It is the funniest thing.  We take it across the road to the lawns and the kids play while the chicken pecks and scratches and follows us around.  

I don't know - there is just something about me sipping on my glass of wine at 5pm while the twins ride their bikes, Max rolls around on the grass and the little chicken follows everyone around that makes me smile.  My life is wonderful. Crazy, but wonderful.

PS Big moment, Max had his first hair cut today.  It was like night and day compared to Adam's first haircut (and every hair cut since then).  I could say more, but I wont.  In essence, YAY for easy babies!!

PPS A special hello to the lovely blog reader I met today in the park - you made me feel like a celeb when you came up and said hi, thank you :-) 

 
 
   

PPPS That wine glass looks terrible like that on its side (empty), but I had to put it somewhere while I ran after Max, prying his chubby little fingers off the chicken's neck. I don't normally leave empty wine glasses strewn around the communal parks. 

Honesty is the scariest policy

I think I might be having a mid-life crisis or something.  I am having strange urges.  Not for fancy sports cars, young lovers or trips to Europe - instead I have urges to tell people how I really feel.  

This is huge for me!  I am about as anti-confrontational as a __________ (<--insert very extremely anti-confrontational thing here). I would FAR rather keep the peace and count to 10 / accept the situation / give in / suck it up than confront the person or situation.  Why? Because I am so scared I will hurt the other person's feelings.  Yes, I am that much of a wuss.  Even with people I don't really like or who dislike me, I would far rather keep my thoughts to myself than say it as it is and potentially hurt their feelings.

I have a million excuses:  it is not that bad / they don't really mean to do it / maybe my expectations are too high / it is not intentional blah blah blah.  This wussy, non-confrontational approach has served me well for that last 41 years.  If it ain't broke (much), then why fix it? They are happy, I am only mildly and occasionally unhappy - what's the big deal!

Well, it isn't a big deal. Not really. Mostly. Except that lately I have the urge to tidy things up.  To sort out the nagging lose ends that exist in my life.  To say 'maybe he/she didn't really mean it that way, but actually.... that's not good enough'.  That thing you always say / do / don't do, that isn't good enough for me - this is how I really feel.....

Eeeekkk! Anxious feeling - pass the wine!

I had lunch with a friend recently, a man - and I was amazed at how logical he was about having to confront someone he liked about something they had done wrong. I was dying all sorts of deaths thinking about how hurt this person would feel when confronted but my friend simply said 'what the person is doing is wrong, and I need to tell them that'. 

I need to be more like that.  I think I need to man-up a bit and tell it like it is.

Tuesday.  I will start on Tuesday.  Tuesday the 01st. Tuesday the 01st of December. Tuesday the 01st of December 2022.

Or maybe a bit sooner, depending on how brave I feel. I might just have a glass of wine instead and wait for the feeling to pass.

PS it isn't you, its me!

PPS can we still be friends?

PPPS pass the wine anyway.

PPPPS To distract you from this outpouring of confrontational mid-life crisis stuff, here is a pic Adam took of Kate and I yesterday.  

 

Anxious is my default setting

On Monday I start work at my regular job after EIGHT months maternity leave.  To say I am feeling a bit anxious about it would be a gross understatement.  I am not even sure I remember what to do, never mind remembering all my passwords and log ons.  It is going to be hectic balancing all the parts of my life and trying to fit in three full-time roles in one day.  We will see what happens.

On Wednesday the kids start at their new school.  The start of a new chapter in our lives. They have spent the last two years at Aunty B's playschool which has been absolutely wonderful.  I couldn't have asked for a better introduction to school than what they had at Aunty B.  It was a small, protected environment and each child was allowed to be what they needed to be.  They could have their dummies in their mouths if they needed, they could have their lovies in their hands all day if they needed. 

But now big(ish) school starts.  No school uniforms yet, but a lot more structured and a lot more rules. No more flitting in at 8:55 (ok, sometimes 9:05).  School starts at 8:30 sharp and the kids are expected to be there by 8:15 at least.  Plus the school is a good 20 mins further away than the last one.  Which means we (and by 'we' I mean 'I') will have to become a lot more organized in the morning. And by 'organized' I mean 'do not spend 45 mins on your computer in the morning catching up on emails while the kids run around playing'. 

I am obviously feeling a bit anxious about the new school. Because anxious is what I do.  But don't be alarmed, I am going to do my very best not to let the kids see or feel my anxiety.  All of their little friends except for one are going to another school, the public school near the old school.  But those selfish fuckers didn't have place for my twins because their mother didn't know you had to apply while the children were still in embryonic phase. Not that I am bitter of course. (Note to self:  Enroll Max in ass-wipey school TOMORROW)

I have made a big deal about our new school, the kids are very excited and keep asking me how many sleeps they have to go.  Lets hope that excitement lasts!

Our new school is a very good school. It is a private one, top education, small classes, cost a fucking fortune etc, but if I could have chosen, I would have sent the kids to the local school that the rest of their mates are going to.

Anyway, I keep remembering how anxious I was when the kids went to school the first time, and how quickly I LOVED that school and how much more I LOVED having a break in the mornings.  So it will all be good I am sure. 

Aarggh!  I can't help but feel anxious about this.  I wish I didn't, but I do.  And no, telling me to just not be anxious doesn't work.  Telling a person who is naturally anxious not to be anxious is like telling a person who stutters to just not stutter.  You either are or aren't, or you do or don't.  There are things you can do to help, and I will do those things, but anxious is my default setting. 

PS I've taken to updating my Flickr photos a little more often, so if you like go there and have a look at a few pics of the kids

2009 / 2010

Wow, 2009 has been a huge year for me.  Just having a think about it now and realized what this year has meant for me. I have grown in so many areas of my life:

On a personal level, I have made some huge strides forward. Massive. I still see my shrink regularly (the one I have total transference with/for - LOVE that woman, she is amazing!) and this has been a big year for me on an emotional/psychological level.

I have also grown in family size with the birth of baby Max.  Before Max arrived, I was secretly really worried about how he would fit into the family. And to be honest, whether I would be able to love him as much as the twins. The twins were so special - my first (living) children, the babies I had fought so long and hard for.  How could I possibly love this freebie baby as much?  Well, oh my word! I am so completely, totally, ridiculous in love with Max.  I can't even begin to describe to you how in love with him I am and how special he is me.  Or maybe I can - if you are at the stage where you have had your last baby and you knew he was your last.  I am savouring every single moment.  I feel giddy with love.

I have grown in terms of exercise - 2009 saw me inside a gym for the first time in years.  Can't believe I eventually took that step.

I have grown in a material sense as well - new bigger house, bigger car.  Bigger debt, but we wont talk about that now.

My business has grown and has become even more fulfilling.  We had our first Nurture babies born early this year and since then have had so many babies born through our egg donor and our surrogacy program.  What a magnificent, special, humbling process to be part of.  

2009 has been a great year for me. It has had its difficulties, but life wouldn't be what it is without some hardship. How else would we appreciate the good if we didn't have some hardship to compare it to?  We nearly lost my father, but he made it through two heart attacks, open heart surgery and a stroke - and it has made us even more appreciative of how precious family is.  My mother is doing well. 

It has been a great year. And I think 2010 is going to be even better! I can feel it in my waters, 2010 is going to be a big year for me.  Looking very forward to it! Hope it is an excellent year for all of you too. 

The new house

We hosted Christmas at our house yesterday, which meant it was the perfect opportunity to take some loooooong awaited pics of the new house as promised.  Eventually!  Only took about 7 months to do.  (Yesterday was a good day as the house was neat and tidy in preparation for the guests). 

The house is U shaped, with the kids bedrooms down the one side and the main bedroom, Marko's TV room and my study on the other side.  At the top of the U is the lounge/dining room and kitchen.  In the middle of the U is the patio and pool.

I've put the photos up on my Flickr acount here.  Now, a word or two of warning before you look at the pics:

1. I am a VERY amateur photographer. Please forgive my terrible photo skills. There are no artistic shots that show off a certain nook or corner of the house. I tried to do a walk around, taking pics as I go along.  I am quite sure if someone with a certain level of skill had to take the photos, everything would look a lot fancier.

2. If my photography skills are somewhat lacking, I am even worse when it comes to decorating / being creative. Some people have natural flair for interior decorating, I am as good at it as I am at cooking. So please view with a kind eye.

3. Please don't worry about me being stalked now that I am posting pics of my house. There are 24 hour guards that patrol the estate, I have armed response, two dogs, burglar alarms, electric fence and motion sensors in the house. I think I will be ok.

4. I am quite sure something about this post will offend / upset / annoy at least some / most / all of you.  I suggest you deal with it internally and remember that age old piece of advice? Don't like? Don't read.  

PS I really am quite proud of the house and what Marko and I have achieved together. Please don't be an asshole and say horrible things. 

PPS I hate that a few people have made me feel all self-conscious about posting the pics. Gah. Irritating.

The One and Only Tertia

As if there was not enough hate-fodder out there, guess what I will be doing in January? 

Clue:

 

The FABULOUS people at the very swanky One and Only Spa have invited me to have a  beauty treatment, on the house!  You have no idea how excited I am.  This is what they suggested I have (how did they know!!)

One&Only Body Wrap – Unwind Envelopment (60 mins)

Ideal for dry, dehydrated skin requiring nourishment and hydration. This envelopment uses ESPA Marine Mud, blended with skin softening essential oils which have moisturising and conditioning properties. Perfect for women who have had 3 weeks of non-stop intense quality time with their offspring, even though they should be just shut up and be grateful.

Re-hydrator Facial (60mins)

Ideal for dry, dehydrated and tired skin, this rehydrating facial is an excellent regenerating boost. Gentle deep-cleansing and exfoliation helps the skin to improve the absorption of nourishing facial oils and botanical rescue balm. The result is smooth, nourished skin. Ideal for women whose blog readers think she is a spoilt, ungrateful brat who should be taken outside and shot at dawn.

I am beyond excited.  At first I thought I would miss out.  The lovely Adele emailed me last week offering me a free treatment, to happen anytime within the next week.  O.M.F!!  Had she not read my blog??  Did she not know I am unable to leave the house even for two minutes sans the kids, never mind two hours. I nearly wept.  I wrote back explaining that sadly I would have to miss out, but thank you very much and dear god how could you be so cruel as to tease me like this. And then she said I could delay until January, woohooo!

Apparently the hotel is VERY smart, it's where all the rich, famous people hang out. So on the day of my treatment, I shall disguise myself as a palm frond and go leopard crawling around the corridors with my point-n-click and take some photos of the celebs.  I will report back in detail.

I am a lucky fish.

Hey!  I have an idea! I am going to ask Adele whether they would sponsor another treatment for free and then someone can come with me!!  That's a brilliant idea! A blog reader could come with me. Hold on, wouldn't that be awkward..... I'd have to share a spa treatment with someone I don't know and who might secretly hate me....hmmm...I'd have to make idle conversation....Oh what the hell, it might be fun and it would be great for someone else to experience a bit of luxury me-time.

Ok, hold on, before I get ahead of myself, let me check with Adele that this is possible.  (Do you think it would be rude to ask for two extra spots?  That way if the prize winner is a murderous stalker, there will be a witness to my fatal demise)

Very excited now, VERY! 

Jeez Louise, hold on to your broeks!*

* broeks is Afrikaans slang for panties

Wow, I go away for two days and all hell breaks loose! I haven't had time to read your recent comments properly, but a quick glance at my BlackBerry tells me that things have got a little heated around here.

I've been away for two days, did you miss me?  Or did you not even notice I was gone, you fair-weather fickle friends of mine!

I had a little trip planned for Monday and Tuesday, but due to Rose's early leave, I had to do some fancy footwork to arrange care of the offspring while I was away.  Marko is at work during the day, schools are closed, Rose is away so I was pretty stuck.  Luckily my lovely mother helped out with the twins, but I had no one to look after old Maxie boy so I took him with me!  He was SUCH a superstar on the trip.  Very good on the flight up to Joburg and mostly quite good on the flight back (he was quite tired so cried a little, but was mostly really good). I met Rose in Joburg at the airport (she was delighted to see her charge) and then we all went back to the hotel. Rose and Max went off to do their thing and I had a few appointments.  I booked a hotel room for Rose and Max, and another one for myself.  The prospect of a full night's sleep was VERY alluring.  Unfortunately I worked until 11 and then was WIDE AWAKE at 5am.  But it's the thought that counts, so they say.

It seems strange to take Max aalllll the way to Joburg with me but it worked out really well.  It was so fun to see Rose, Max had a great time and I felt much better knowing that he was close by and well looked after. 

I must say, I felt quite proud of me.  I am normally SUPER anal about routine and about staying home etc, but there I was, baby and all, winging my way across the country!  Go me!  Getting quite adventurous in my old age. Next stop - BINGO! 

PS Max really is THE most friendly, sweet, easy baby in the world. I am so damn lucky! 
I am very fond of that chap.

Revolting little fuckers

On Monday Rose got some bad news, which meant that she had to leave for home as soon as possible.  She left for Joburg the next morning at 6.  Which means that I have suddenly been thrust into full time mom, which means, to put it delicately, I am fucking terrified.  Well, not really terrified, but terribly bloody busy.

If my only 'job' was to look after three kids all day, everyday, 24/7, day and night (omg, help!) then with some help from booze and pills, I could do it.  (Note: the booze and pills are for me, not them. I don't share my booze and pills with anyone).  But working AND being a full time mom?  Bloody difficult.

I have had to cancel my pedicure, plus all my gym sessions (OMG, I have SUCH a hard life, can you hear the violins playing?)  Who is going to look after them while I work/go to gym/have my feet done/drink?  No one.  I will be a full time mom with shabby feet and flabby thighs.  Just beautiful.

Anywayyyyy, moving on swiftly.....

I saw another flea on my foot yesterday morning.  That was one flea too many. I called pest control immediately and got the chap in to spray the whole house.  Sent dogs off to be dipped.  Dashed off to the vet to get advantage/frontline/capstar/AK47 to blast those motherfucking fleas to hell and gone.  Revolting little fuckers.  

BTW, if you are ever looking to get rid of any revolting little fuckers of your own (fleas / cockroaches / kids / other scary small things), get hold of Angelo from Libra Pest Control - what an efficient, professional chap.  He was outstanding.  And extremely reasonable. librapest at mweb dot co dot za

PS I have 17,000 chairs in my house, but my daughter insists on sharing the kitchen stool with me. 

PPS Funny story - Yesterday while we were in the car, I saw someone I knew who had put on quite a bit of weight, and before I could stop myself, I mumbled under my breath 'oh my word lady, you've become quite chunky'.  Not my finest moment, sorry.  Kate asked me what chunky meant and I said (for lack of a better explanation) "it means you've got a bit of a big bum".  Kate then says "Oh ok.  Mom, you are quite chunky too".  I laughed out loud and said "oh really?  Am I a bit chunky as well?"  Well yes, she says, you've also got a bit of a big bum.  So there you go.  That will teach me to call people chunky.  Bit of a case of the big bummed pot calling the kettle chunky!

PPPS School broke up today.  We are now together ALL DAY LONG.  I am unbelievably excited about that.  

PPPPS  Max still the favourite.  Such a sweet boy that.  Almost 7 months old.  Not at the top of his class though as still not sitting etc.  (Rose hates it when I say that!  That will teach her for leaving me)

PPPPPS Adam is now sitting on the chair as well.  Annndddd he has just headbutted me by accident. I better go.  Send reinforcements!

Sleeping pill dependence

This is a Public Service Announcement:  Do not take sleeping pills, ever.  Especially if you have an addictive / dependent personality.  Because you will never be able to go off them again.

About 4 or 5 years ago when I started a new AD, the doctor offered to give me a prescription for some sleeping pills.  The ADs could cause a spike in anxiety in the beginning and might make it difficult for me to sleep at first.  "If you like, I could give you a prescription for some sleeping pills to tide you over for the first two weeks?"

As he asked, the voice inside my head was saying "NO TERTIA, DON'T DO IT! You know yourself, this is not a good idea, do NOT take the sleeping pills".  But of course, I never listen to the sensible voice in my head and out came "yes please, that sounds like a good idea".  That was 4 or 5 years ago and I can't sleep without a sleeping pill.  Can't/Wont.  Not sure which it is, but all I know is that I take half or quarter sleeping pill every night.  If Rose does a night for me, I take a half.  If I have Max at night, I take a quarter.

It sounds like a little.  If I am only taking a quarter, why not just take nothing?  Because I've become so conditioned (mentally and physically) to use the sleeping pill as the way I fall asleep, that I don't know how to fall asleep on my own. I have completely forgotten how to.

I've tried falling asleep without my crutch, but the insomnia becomes a self-fulfilling prophesy.  I lie there getting more and more anxious that I am not sleeping until I eventually get up and take a half/quarter pill. I know that my problem is that I have extremely bad bedtime habits.  I work on my email right up until bedtime.  Which is usually when I am too tired to see the screen anymore.  Then I pop a half/quarter pill, brush my teeth etc, get into bed and go straight on to my Blackberry and catch up with Facebook / Twitter etc. I wait until the screen goes blurry which is when I know the sleeping pill is kicking in.  I then close my eyes and wait for sleep to take over.  Sooo bad.  But I just can't see that hot milk toddy and a lavender bath doing it for me. Unless I could use my laptop in the bath. 

Unlike my ADs (which I am not sure I ever intend going off as I MUCH prefer myself on them), the sleeping pill thing I am not mad about.  I miss being able to drift off to sleep by myself and a sleeping pill sleep is not as refreshing as a natural sleep.

What is interesting to me, is how many people do take sleeping pills.  I thought it was only me, but I've since discovered that many people do.   For those who do, how do you feel about it?  Are you able to do it only occasionally?  And for those of you who have successfully managed to come off them - how??