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Your point is SO SO true. For one year, I did my current office job from home because my family moved away from the city where my office is located. Over the course of that year, I was rather more productive than I was in the office, in part because I didn't count social breaks as work time the way I would in the office, in part because I was more judicious about scheduling meetings. Over the course of the year, though, I saw my husband's respect for my time and level of effort I put into my work diminish until I was the only one caring for the children or taking care of the home. It was very discouraging. Thankfully, my employers were still appreciative of my work and I'm now in the office 4 days a week, working from home 1 day.

Working from home and being self-employed is NOT for the faint of heart. I know...I do it too! Marko is clueless. I say help him get a clue. Challenge him to do all his work at home whilst juggling all the other things you juggle. He will be begging for mercy after 1 day.

I work at the office and my husband is a stay-at-home dad (no income-earning at all) to ONE child who spends 6 hours/day at school, and he STILL thinks he works harder than me. His jobs are to drop her off at school (I am there too, since we use one car and it is on the way to my work), drop me off at work, go home and do fuck all, pick her up six hours later, and pick me up three hours after that. OK he does the grocery shopping and usually (but not always) cooks dinner. I work more than full time, do all of our family administration (bills, legal stuff, taxes, etc.), and do half of the non-cooking housework, but he STILL thinks he works harder. I has nothing to do with reality, or who works where. I think men just need to think that whatever they are doing is somehow more intense. Ugh.

I think men do have to work harder at housework because most men are inept and clueless. I cringe when I see my husband doing housework (which is rarely). He's inefficient and he doesn't think things out before he starts. Then, after taking 45 minutes to do a job that I can do better in 15 minutes, he'll swagger around drawing attention to it. So he thinks it's much harder than it is, and he really believes he works harder to do, well, everything. I just get it done, and I never congratulate myself when I complete a job. That would be like praising myself for breathing! As to working at home, I hated it. I felt like nothing was ever complete. I'd come out of my home office and notice the laundry pile or the dishes on the counter, and whenever I was doing household chores, I felt the pull of some project or assignment I hadn't finished. I'm better off now that I'm back in the office 100%.

Ladies, we are our own worst enemies! Its because we are so damned good at working full time (whether that be at the office / home) AND managing homes (whether it be the staff in them or doing it ourselves) AND managing the kids and their myriad of activities and parties and making it look so easy, that it simply doesn't occur to the men in our lives to question how it all gets done. Which means they can't quite figure out why we are so stressed or tired. They have no clue what's going on around them because it doesn't occur to them to wonder about that stuff. We need to just 'be worse at it' or find it within ourselves to tell the men that we 'can't right now', without feeling the crushing guilt that we always feel when we're not being superwoman.

I totally get what you're saying Tertia! My frustration is that my hubby (who is also home based although not self-employed) is NEVER off of his phone or ipad. He is constantly clicking away answering mails or messages from early morning until late at night - he is often called on to work weekends and once a month he goes away on business for 4 - 5 days. When he does work weekends or can't attend family functions because of work - his company never compensates for this time and that is what upsets me. I keep telling him that our children are growing up and he is missing out on their childhood. I think that he needs to set boundaries (within reason) and stick to them. It's all about give & take (and balance). The result is that I'm the one that has an office job, runs the household, meets the needs of our children, etc., and it is exhausting. However, just let me call him or message him - apparently, his WAY to busy to answer any communication from "home". OK. My rant is over. Thank you for not judging and letting me get that off my chest :)

So, so true. Both my husband and I work at office jobs (in fields where being in the office is a requirement), but we've had many struggles in the past over who was going to take off when one of the kids got sick or the daycare/school was closed for the day. When our firstborn was an infant, my job was a lot more flexible, and so I tended to take time off more than he did. However, I then got a new job that was not so flexible, and thus pushed harder to have a "50-50" arrangement with childcare (eg, if the kid was sick for two days, we would each take off one day). My husband HATED this. He also would rarely if ever take a slightly sick kid to work with him, saying that it didn't seem "legitimate." I parried with, "Mothers have to do this frequently--are you saying when we do this our work is not legitimate?" He didn't have an answer to that one...

In all fairness, however, I do think (at least here in the US) there is still a hangover in that managers and coworkers are often more willing to give working mothers slack when it comes to having to rush out of a meeting because a kid is throwing up at school than they are for working fathers. I'm hoping this hangover is in its last gasps and will be more or less done with in the next ten years...

And as a P.S.--I concur with Shannon (above): I do nearly all of the household management-type stuff for our family, and it drives me absolutely bonkers when I am still working at night (paying bills, laundry, etc.) and my husband sits down to play video games. WTF??? As I have said to him many times: you don't get to play when there's still housework to be done, and that you see me doing right in front of you!! Argh!

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