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Oooh Tertia. I am in that place right now. I went off my anxiety meds because ... I was doing so well!!! Silly silly silly. I had to go back on a week ago, and it's still waiting to kick in properly. Utter nightmare, I will never put myself through this again. But my perspective is in tatters right now :-) I really needed to read this, your experience has helped me a bit, today! Glad you're getting out of the valley!! xx

I hear you. For some reason, the Oscar Pistorious situation sent me over the edge as well. I was literally lying awake at 2 am shaking with distress about something that involved people I've never met, in a country half-way around the world from me. It makes no sense, logically, but I've had a very hard time keeping that reality in mind. I'm glad that there will be a bit of a media break so I can work on perspective for a while. I'm not on medication, but am thinking that I may need to reconsider that situation.

I'm so sorry for the loss of your friend, and hope that your newly-diagnosed friend can find an effective treatment. Cancer sucks.

I had a very similar reaction to the Sandy Hook shootings over here; especially since my son is the same age, in kindergarten, and it didn't help that my father had just been diagnosed with cancer (even though it is likely very treatable, you know. It's still scary). But I think I would have been close to equally upset regardless. For several weeks I felt as if I was barely able to keep a grip.

In my case I found a great deal of relief in activism (fighting for gun control). I am a little person in a big country but at least I feel like there is something I am doing to try to keep this nightmare from ever occurring again. But I did also have to reestablish boundaries because the grief was eating me up and I had to acknowledge that my life, and the kids I know, are mostly OK, and it was doing us no favors to let this horror seep into me all the time. It still fills me with grief and horror but I am better able to hold it at arm's length now.

I had been curious about your opinion to the Pistorius case. I feel like your blog has made me better aware of some of the South African context. I am sorry it has been so upsetting to you. It is a grievous situation no matter what you think happened.

Porous. What a fantastic way to describe it to someone who might not understand. Yes I do feel that way when my anxiety is bad. I have been on meds for it but am not now. I do have something to take as needed, though, which hasn't been too often.

You're so right about the perspective, too. And that feeling that on the outside you seem normal and fine but not at all on the inside. On a bad day I fight for perspective but then feel really bad about it, like maybe that means I'm calloused or uncaring or that my perspective is "wrong" or selfish.

Thanks for writing about this, Tertia. I'm glad you're feeling better and I hope the Shingles leaves you alone!

You know I describe mine as inside out. As being in the blistering sun with no block on. Sandy Hook almost killed me, Maddie McCann, Hansie, September 11th and now Oscar and the 2 sets of broken parents and broken families.
Its exhausting. And yet I still do things that bring on more anxiety because the upside is the rush, the energy, the edge.
Must be our genetics. Which Fogle shall we blame?

I hear you! I am feeling much the same way lately and I find it so irritating.

Been reading your blog forever. Hang in there Tertia, having 3 kids is enough to drive any sane person overboard!!! (I know, believe me)
It's a hard job being a mom, a wife, a friend, a daughter, a sister...wow, and these are only some of your jobs. At least you have a great sense of humour, that will get you through anything.

You sound like you've really been struggling , hope it helped you more writing it all down . Im also feeling overwhelmed by all that is going on . Perspective I think is the perfect word for it all . Keep strong , this too will pass .

Yoh. I had a migraine for four days after the Oscar Pistorius case. Except I don't feel worried, I'm livid about EVERYTHING at the moment (it does still give me anxiety attacks though). It's going to sound hippy and flowery, but I have actually had some serious relief from meditation, I'm aiming to do five minutes a day (started this week) and it's making such a difference. Look up Meditate in Cape Town, they have classes in Durbanville.

Oh Tertia, can I relate!! I struggled with anxiety on & off for a couple of years after my final failed IUI... and it still rears its ugly head now & then. I also got shingles... I had to go to a baby shower on the weekend of my 40th birthday, while I was between fertility treatments. Shortly afterward, I got this funny rash on my neck. Good thing I had it checked out right away -- like you, it was caught early & I was given some drugs to help clear it up & keep it from spreading. The dr told me that stress can bring them on, and I was STRESSED!! I found that I had to make a real effort to be very good to myself -- get lots of rest. Yoga and massages helped a lot, too. Hope you are feeling beter soon.

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