When I first had children, there were some people who were horrified that I (a) had to work and (b) had a nanny to help me with the twins. They said that they just couldn't imagine having "other people raise their children". Which is such a holier-than-thou, shitty thing to say. Luckily I am ok with the fact that I am unable to clone myself and therefore do need help to 'raise' my children.
As you know, the twins started Grade 1 this year. Which has been quite an adjustment, for all of us. Grade 1 is a lot more work for the children and also for the parents! Suddenly we have (conflicting) extra murals and stuff like Homework. Lots of homework! I was finding it increasingly difficult to fit in a full days work into a full day of Grade 1 'admin' (fetching, taking, lifting, sport, extra murals, homework) and so after flirting with the idea for several months, I decided to take the plunge and employ an Au Pair.
It is/was a huge decision, because unlike with Rose (who is still very much around, she looks after Max most of the time and the twins some of the time and still lives with us, but unfortunately doesn't drive), having an Au Pair feels like a bit of luxury, like I am shirking my responsibilities. But my work is suffering and if I don't work I can't save money for my children's education, send my children to private school and stay in our house in the security complex. It was Marko who eventually persuaded me to go for it. His approach was simple: You need the help so get the help. What's the problem?
I did lots of research, I looked at hundreds of CVs, did a few interviews and then with the help of my BFF, made a choice. As of last week, we have a new member of the village raising my children - Jayde. Jayde will help out with the twins a few hours each afternoon. She will take them to their extra murals and help with the homework.
(Plus Jayde will look after Adam and Kate's BFF K 2-3 afternoons a week, so my BFF and I are sharing the costs, which helps)
Jayde started with us last week and it is almost too good to be true, which makes me nervous. (She is probably going to read my blog and will think I am crazy, oh well). She doesn't have Au Pair experience but that wasn't important to me. What was important to me was to have someone with integrity, someone who I can trust with my children. Someone who was decent, fair and caring. Someone who is responsible, realiable and trustworthy. Someone who doesn't smoke, who isn't lazy and who is never late. Jayde is all that and more. Plus she is pretty, clever and funny too. There is so much I like her about her. .
Which makes me so anxious!! Because there must be something wrong! (And because 'anxious' is my default setting, so tiring) No one is perfect and I keep waiting for the imperfection to happen. For her to do something that is going to make me feel all disappointed and make it all fall apart. I keep watching and looking. And the longer it takes to appear, the more anxious I get. Where is the imperfection?? When will it appear? She can't be that 'perfect'??
To make matters worse, I asked her to send me her hours for last week and she sent me a spreadsheet. With formulas in it. A SPREADSHEET!!! WITH FORMULAS!! It doesn't get better than that. I *heart* spreadsheets. I do spreadsheets for fun! The way to my heart is through spreadsheets!
I jest, but I am actually quite anxious about having someone help out. Even though my children are 7, I still baby them quite a lot and it feels weird to hand them over to someone else, even if it is for a few hours in the afternoon. Plus of course, the guilt I feel at not being the one to sit at the side of the netball court even thought I was the only one who was sitting at the side of the netball court because I baby my children so much.
But, so far so good. The children like Jayde very much and she seems to like them. She hasn't resigned yet. Let's hope that it all works out well for everyone.
PS Jayde, if you are reading this please could you let me know what your imperfection is so that I can move on from worrying what it could be. Thanks.