I desperately want to have the type of relationship with my children where they feel they can talk to me about anything, without fear of judgement, admonishment or embarrassment. I don't want to be best friends with my children, I don't want to hang out with them, dress like them, be their peer - I want to be their mother, but I want to be the type of mother they trust - someone they feel safe enough to tell their secrets to, to talk about anything - good stuff and bad.
At the same time, I never want to keep secrets from my husband (besides how much I spend on buying stuff for the kids, how much I spend at Woollies and other budget related issues - some things are not meant to be shared). He is my partner in this parenting thing.
So what do I do when my daughter tells me a secret and asks me not to tell her father?
In this case, the secret was fairly innocent - she got into trouble at school for talking in class. (Third warning for talking in class, so has to stay in during break time. Fairly serious punishment*). She was quite embarrassed by it and so asked me not to tell Marko in case he got cross.
This 'secret' is fairly innocent but it made me think long and hard about what I should do if the situation was more serious, when both she and her secrets get bigger. And I am not sure what to do. I don't want to betray her trust, I feel quite strongly about that, but I don't want to keep secrets from Marko.
I don't believe in lying to my children - about almost anything. I understand that some lies are necessary to protect them, but I really do try to stick to the truth as much as possible. When they ask me if something is going to hurt or if it will taste yucky, I always tell them the truth. I want them to be able to trust me, it is important to me.
What should one do when your child tells you a secret and asks you not to tell their other parent?
* Note that on the same day as Kate got her Serious Punishment, Adam came home with a certificate for good behaviour. Which just about perfectly sums up the twins at the moment.