So, the useless French boobies are out and the new European fancy jobs are in. The surgeon said the one implant had ruptured quite badly and was covered in gunk. Lovely. Exactly what you want to have floating around in you body - gunk.
When I found out I would need surgery to have the implants removed, I was not terribly excited as you can well imagine. Although I was dreading the money wasted and the anticipated pain, more than anything I was worried about being out of action for my kids. My day is filled with fetching, carrying, doing, lifting etc. Lots of physical stuff. Not being able to do the physical stuff really worried me, but I consoled myself with making lists and rosters. My kind friends and mother in law were rostered into covering for me for the five days I had scheduled to be out of action. Everyone got a colour coded roster of when they would be on duty.
Once I had made the roster, I began to feel a bit better and decided that while I was out of action, I might was well make lemonade with my lemons and asked the doctor to do what is called a 'micro-abdominoplasty' - which is basically to neaten the C section scar to remove the lovely fold of twin skin that I had there. I was HUGE when I was pregnant with the twins (and I must confess, with Max too. What can I say - I eat when I am pregnant) and as result I had a lot of loose skin hanging about over the scar tissue which no matter how hard I worked out, or how much I dieted, I would never lose. I didn't need to have it done but my thinking was 'if I am going to be out of action for a while, I might as well give myself a little gift for the effort'. The boobs were not the gift. You do not regift a previous gift. I already paid for that gift five years ago, literally and figuratively.
And so off I went, with my colour coded roster to have the usless French fuckers replaced and to get a fancy new C section scar.
I woke up from the operation feeling like I had been through the wars. I felt terrible. Weak, dizzy and SO nauseous. I know many people get sick from anesthetic but I don't usually. It was terrible. I was standing up, puking and bleeding everywhere. Horrible. The procedure is a day procedure so off I went home again a few hours later.
It is now 6 days later and I still feel like shit. My body totally refused to cooperate with my colour coded roster and has been languishing around, being all pathetic and useless. I had planned for the pain (manageable - boobs are by FAR the sorest, the cut on my C section scar is a non-issue), what I hadn't planned for is how weak and out of it I would feel. I went to the doctor yesterday and asked him why I am feeling so bad and he said that I was in surgery for over four hours with lots of cutting and cleaning and pushing and pulling. It will take a while to recover. I (obviously) googled "why am I feeling so shit after surgery" and saw that breast operations are known to make one feel shit for longer.
I feel dizzy, nauseous and I get these hot flushes that make me drenched with sweat. It's like the worst kind of hangover you have ever had. And like the worst kind of hangover you have ever had, I feel as if I can't complain because it is self-induced. While I didn't choose to have the implant rupture, I did choose to have the original procedure done and I did choose to add another procedure to the operation. I know that feeling down and depressed is common after plastic surgery and that women / older women / breast surgery does take slightly longer to recover. I know this, but I still feel blech.
And so in answer to 'how I am' that many people have asked (thank you) - I am ok, alive, but feeling like shit. But I am sure in a few days time (please god!) I will be back to my usual perky self.
PS luckily I had scheduled some contingency time into my colour coded roster and so while my body has not cooperated as it should, I am not behind schedule. Ha. Clever me.
PPS The hardest part - having to rely on others for help. Not that they don't want to, but because I feel so bad making my problems their hassle. HATE that. Thanks to my friends and MIL for helping out, I owe you and I will repay you.
PPPS This must make the haters even happier! Look, she is suffering BECAUSE SHE DESERVES IT, the narcissistic bitch. Heh. Enjoy every minute my little darlings, it is my pleasure to brighten your day with a little schadenfreude.