I hate sulking. I've tried it once or twice in my life, but I have never been very good at it. I either forget I am supposed to be sulking or it seems like way too much of an effort. I hate sulking (and people who sulk). I hate it with a hatred that borders on irrational.
Unfortunately my husband is a bit of a sulker. I can't tell you how much it upsets me. I've told him before that if, heaven forbid, we ever had to break up it wouldn't be because of the big things like money, infidelity etc, it would be because of the small things like sulking. That is how strongly I feel about it. My husband says he isn't sulking, he is just being quiet. I say that is nonsense. I know him, I know how he normally is. I know when is he just 'being quiet' and when he is having a full on sulk.
Why do I hate it so? Not sure. I think it might have something to do with the fact that my 'love language' is words. Words (and communication) is how I feel loved, how I love. It is my passion (writing), my hobby, my craft and my creative outlet. Words are important to me. And so when someone withhold words, or when they punish me with words, it feels like they are being especially cruel and unloving.
I am trying to understand it better. So some people sulk when they get cross, other people like me might get vocal, or stamp their feet. Sulking is just another way people react to negative things, right? Ok. But why does it have to last so long? Why do you need to sulk for hours? And why don't you take your sulking self out of the situation then? Go for a drive, go watch TV, go lie in your bed. Don't be in other people's company and let your negative, oppressive silence scream volumes at everyone else. Why don't you just say what is upsetting you? If you don't come out and say what is making your cross, how is anyone ever going to fix it or not do it again? God, I really, really hate sulking. It is so insidious, so mean. So bloody unnecessary.
Ok, so help me understand it better. Why do you sulk? Actually, let's define what I mean by sulking. I mean not talking. Being quiet. Responding to questions with the bare minimum. Not initiating conversation. And god forbid you should actually crack a smile.
So, why do you sulk? Am I being unfair by asking people not to be cross in the way they want to be cross? Should we just leave them alone to get over it? (Do they understand how unpleasant it is to be out with someone who sits there with a blank expression on their face, not saying a word?) As a sulker, do you enjoy sulking? Do you notice yourself doing it? If you don't enjoy it, why don't you stop yourself? Can you stop yourself? I can't stop myself from being cross, but I can stop myself from shouting or getting upset. I understand you are upset about something (that is clearly evident from the stony silence), but surely it is easier to talk about it and resolve it? Why don't you talk instead of brewing in stony silence? Do you understand that your sulking punishes others? Is that part of why you do it?
Are you a sulker? Tell me how to handle you.