I think it is time for a trial separation. I don’t think it is anyone’s fault, but I think we’ve got stuck in a bit of a rut. We hardly talk anymore and when we do, it is forced conversation. I find myself having to dig really deep to find things to talk about. And this makes me feel bad. We’ve been through so much together, through good times and bad.
Maybe it is me. Maybe I have too much on my plate to focus on the relationship. I know that no relationship will survive without love and attention, but right now I have so many other things that need my attention. I feel stretched and torn.
And yet, even saying this out loud makes me feel terrible! I feel an enormous sense of obligation towards you. I also worry about what will happen if we do separate for a while. Will you forget about me? Will you still care? I also don’t want you leave you hanging, hoping. I hate letting you down. This is hard, but it is better than stringing you along.
Part of me wants to end it forever; I fantasize about how freeing it will be. No one to please, no one to report to. But a bigger part of me still needs you. The thought of never speaking again is depressing.
I know you must be wondering if there is something else, something that is taking me away from you, and I would be lying if I said it wasn’t so.
The others were supposed to be lighthearted distractions, nothing serious. Fun flings, flights of fancy. And yet I find myself spending more and more time there and there, and less time here. I thought I could have it all, that there was a place for all, but maybe I was just fooling myself.
And so I think it is time for a trial separation. Let’s see if this works. I can’t say how long it will be, I am hoping it is not too long. And I hope you will be here when I come back.
Dear blog readers, I do love you, very much but for now we will have to bond on Facebook or on Twitter. I’ll be back, as soon as I find something interesting to say and five minutes to say it in! Love you, mean it. Chat soon xxx
PS Eeek! I see a few of you have taken me up on my offer to connect on FB. If you do, please add a 'personal message' to say that you aren't a random pervert or stalker, but that you are a blog reading pervert/stalker. I like to classify my perverts accordingly.