My parents (aka the Fokkers) depart on their maiden voyage in Roxanne, their RV camper van thing tomorrow morning. My mom got her all clear on her cancer check up this morning (wooohooo!) and my dad got the thumbs up from his stroke doctor a few days ago.
They are going away for 2.5 looooong weeks and although I will miss them terribly (extremely selfish of them), I am so happy and excited for them. This is something my dad has always wanted to do.
Enjoy yourselves dear Mother and Father, have fun and look after yourselves. Lock yourself in at night, don't talk to strangers, don't lift anything heavy, drive carefully and remember to call home. I will miss you!
Love from your favourite child. (Sshh, don't tell the others, it will be our little secret, as always xx)
This is a Public Service Announcement: Do not take sleeping pills, ever. Especially if you have an addictive / dependent personality. Because you will never be able to go off them again.
About 4 or 5 years ago when I started a new AD, the doctor offered to give me a prescription for some sleeping pills. The ADs could cause a spike in anxiety in the beginning and might make it difficult for me to sleep at first. "If you like, I could give you a prescription for some sleeping pills to tide you over for the first two weeks?"
As he asked, the voice inside my head was saying "NO TERTIA, DON'T DO IT! You know yourself, this is not a good idea, do NOT take the sleeping pills". But of course, I never listen to the sensible voice in my head and out came "yes please, that sounds like a good idea". That was 4 or 5 years ago and I can't sleep without a sleeping pill. Can't/Wont. Not sure which it is, but all I know is that I take half or quarter sleeping pill every night. If Rose does a night for me, I take a half. If I have Max at night, I take a quarter.
It sounds like a little. If I am only taking a quarter, why not just take nothing? Because I've become so conditioned (mentally and physically) to use the sleeping pill as the way I fall asleep, that I don't know how to fall asleep on my own. I have completely forgotten how to.
I've tried falling asleep without my crutch, but the insomnia becomes a self-fulfilling prophesy. I lie there getting more and more anxious that I am not sleeping until I eventually get up and take a half/quarter pill. I know that my problem is that I have extremely bad bedtime habits. I work on my email right up until bedtime. Which is usually when I am too tired to see the screen anymore. Then I pop a half/quarter pill, brush my teeth etc, get into bed and go straight on to my Blackberry and catch up with Facebook / Twitter etc. I wait until the screen goes blurry which is when I know the sleeping pill is kicking in. I then close my eyes and wait for sleep to take over. Sooo bad. But I just can't see that hot milk toddy and a lavender bath doing it for me. Unless I could use my laptop in the bath.
Unlike my ADs (which I am not sure I ever intend going off as I MUCH
prefer myself on them), the sleeping pill thing I am not mad about. I
miss being able to drift off to sleep by myself and a sleeping pill sleep
is not as refreshing as a natural sleep.
What is interesting to me, is how many people do take sleeping pills. I thought it was only me, but I've since discovered that many people do. For those who do, how do you feel about it? Are you able to do it only occasionally? And for those of you who have successfully managed to come off them - how??
While I am not exactly a gym bunny (bit old to be a bunny, more like a gym rabbit), I am still doing the gym thing. I am not skipping off to each session (more like a limp, dragging my terribly unenthusiastic limbs behind me), but I do go. Mostly because I've paid for the sessions and if there is something I hate more than gym it is wasting money.
Actually, I don't hate gym. Gym is ok'ish. It is just that I would far rather be sitting at my desk doing some work (and perhaps enjoy a small, calorie-laden snack) than strengthening my inner thighs. I can think of far more enjoyable ways of doing that.
But go I must as I clearly enjoyed far too many of those calorie-laden snacks while I was pregnant.
The good thing is that I am seeing results. The weight is not magically dropping off me and I am comfortably faaaar away from being anorexic, but I am losing centimeters. Plus the odd kilo or two. I am going to post my 'stats' when I get them back from the personal trainer on Wednesday (remember her? the one who is 'used to working with the elderly'? I am still with her, she's nice. And good with elderly)
I know I would lose weight faster if I cut back on the wine but to be honest, going to gym is punishment enough, I would rather hack at my wrists with a blunt butter knife than give up my Chardonnay.
In summary, my Gym and Chardonnay Diet Program is going well, if a little slowly. Will post evidence of said results soon
My kids love those fake tattoos, they are always sporting a few of them on their arms and hands. And while most of the other girls have Barbie and Tinkerbell, Kate's tattoos are always dragons or snakes or something scary like that.
On Monday she skipped into school to show her one girlfriend her new snake/dragon (or dragon snake? It was a snake that looked like a dragon) tattoo that her father had bought for her at the airport (there was GREAT excitement about that) and the little girly-girl scrunched her up nose and said "Why do you like boy things and why do you always play with the boys? Are you a boy or a girl?"
*crack* My heart nearly broke. I felt so sorry for her. Peer pressure already! My poor little girl is getting ostracized for not fitting in the mold.
Fortunately while I was having 17 breakdowns (<- slight exaggeration for effect) about the exchange, Kate merely shrugged her shoulders and with a slightly bemused expression skipped off to play with the other (boys and girls) kids.
Not sure if it's a boy/girl twin thing, or because I am not a girly-girl, or perhaps it is just a Kate thing. Not that it matters at all. I am perfectly happy with whatever flavour my kids come in - girly-girl, boy-girl or anything in between.
There were two plants, each growing magnificently in beautifully manicured side-by-side beds. Recently irrigated. However, Shelly decided that she wasn't really THAT keen on having those plants there and decided to remove them for us. How very kind. The partner of this plant was removed several weeks ago. This unlucky fellow met his demise last night. A leaf must have stirred in the wind. BIIIIIG mistake plant, big mistake.
I do not like going away from home. It is not the travelling so much (although I am not particularly fond of airports or hotel), but the being away from home that I don't like. I LOVE being at home. I would far rather be at home than anywhere else in the world. I am so bad that I don't even like going out for dinner because I would far rather be at home. Home makes me feel safe and grounded. Now add to that the fact that I detest being away from my kids and you will understand how freaked out I am that I will be away from home FOR SEVEN WHOLE SLEEPS! I am a nervous wreck already. I can't believe I am going to be apart from my children for so long.
It's a business trip, I can't not go. And I want to go, in a way. But the thought of leaving my children for so long fills me with dread.
I know they will be absolutely fine. Max wont even notice I am gone because he will be with his beloved Rose 24/7. He will sleep in her room with her. Adam and Kate will probably miss me a little, but they have their father plus I have asked the teaching assistant at their school to spend the afternoons with them. I have a schedule drawn up, I have back ups and standbys. Unfortunately I do not have the one thing that would make me feel a whole lot better about going and that is having my mother around. My mom and dad (aka 'The Fockers') are off on their inaugural voyage in their RV / camper van thingy. Exceptionally selfish of them to have a life outside of my needs, but there you go.
I can't tell you where I am going as it is a state secret and if I tell you, I will have to kill you, but it is far away. As in seven sleeps away.
In fact, October is a bit a big month for me. I went to Joburg on a business trip (one sleep away), I did a TV interview, I got my period for the first time in about a year and a half (sorry dad), I am going to the 27 dinner (I NEVER go out), I got a new car, I went on a date night with the husband (last done about 14 months ago and look how that turned out! Hello Max) and I am probably going to go out for dinner AGAIN this month (business). Plus the long trip away. I think the Moon must be in Uranus or something, but there are big things going on in my chart.
In other news, my sister got her first tattoo. Sister Mel. Yes, apparently even happy clappers can get tattoos - the Lord loves the inked and the un-inked. It has kind of made me feel like getting another tattoo. I have two already. I thought about getting my children's names tattooed on my wrist but then I thought I would need to have Ben's name tattooed as well. And then what about Luke? And then if I was doing Ben and Luke, what about the other babies and then I realized I would run out of space on my wrist and decided to abandon that idea.
I will leave you with this joke from Adam, his first one ever. (I was so proud! Telling your first joke is a big milestone)
What is green and sticky? A frog diving in jelly. Haha!
It got less cute when I had to guess what was yellow and sticky (a giraffe diving in jelly), pink and sticky (a pig diving in jelly) etc etc.
PS I promise, cross my heart, I am going to post pics of my not-so-new house soon, but I first need someone to take the photos for me. I am a terrible photographer and I want to do the house justice. Any volunteers?
PPS Loving my new car. It was definitely the right decision to choose practical over sexy
PPPS Gym is not being attended as diligently as before due to work commitments, but I plan on rectifying that next week. I am already down two notches of my belt.
PPPPS My baby was five months old yesterday. FIVE MONTHS OLD! I can't believe how fast the time goes.
(sent by a kind blog reader. contents already eaten)
PS I think I am over the Botox thing now. I might just decide to be wrinkly instead. I am too busy to have a smooth forehead. Know any Botox doctors who do house visits? Now that might a business opportunity! What a good idea! "Botox on the fly- we deliver direct to your forehead"
So, how have you been! It's been ages since we last spoke.
I know things might be a little awkward in the beginning after our recent (very brief) separation, so why don't I start by telling how I have been. Ok?
Well, things have been really great on this side. Very busy, but busy is good. I would far rather be a little too busy than a little too quiet. I have been a really nice wife lately, even if I must say so myself. I am making a concerted effort to be much more loving to my husband and it really is working. Why do I so often forget how rewarding it is if I just try a tiny bit harder to show my husband how much I love him? A quick hug, a nice word. A little undivided attention (and the odd shag or two) and my husband is a happy man. Which means the rest of the family is FAR more relaxed and happy. All because I put in some effort. You would think I would know this by now!
Let's speak about the kids individually. Actually, before I do - remember how when I first started blogging, we had a big debate about whether it was ok to blog about the kids and some of you said it wasn't ok because they might get embarrassed or angry or whatever when they were a little older? At the time I was like "typical conservative paranoid Americans" but I kind of see what you mean. In a way. I still think my kids will be completely ok with whatever I have written so far, but it does get harder to blog about them as they get older. When they are adults, they will be able to read things with a lot more objectivity and they will be able to read and feel the love, but as teenagers they might be full of the normal teen angst. Plus I don't want to label my children, I don't want to create a self-fulfilling prophecy for them.
So, dear Adam, Kate and Max when you read this one day, remember mommy loves you very much. Even if you are gigantic pains in the butt sometimes.
Let's start with the newest one - Oh My Word, how I love that baby. He is quite possibly THE sweetest, happiest, nicest, cutest, most divine baby in the world. Max is the kind of baby that makes mothers say "oh, this motherhood thing is a breeze! I'll have ten of the little critters". Everyone should have a Max.
Max has just cut his first tooth. Before his 5 month birthday! That child is very advanced.
Adam and Kate are fine. I think they are still struggling a little with the fact that mommy has a new baby, but they will be fine. They both want 'uppy' all the time, and they want to sit on my lap and be held etc. Kate's thumb sucking has got worse. I think it has gone beyond an attention thing and now become a habit. Damn. I tried the buckteeth thing, we even looked up pictures of buckteeth on the internet, but it wasn't enough to put her off. Not quite sure what I am going to do about that.
As for Adam, well Adam is my special boy. Adam cries way, way more than Max. There is not a day that goes by, not even a few hours that Adam does not cry. Apparently it is a boy thing. I am hoping he grows out of it by the time he is 26.
REMEMBER - MOMMY LOVES YOU VERY MUCH, EVEN IF YOU ARE A BIT OF A CRIER.
This is the last term that the kids are with Aunty B at their play school. Next year they go to Big School. The mere thought of it is enough to make me want to mainline some Xan@x. BIG SCHOOL! With lots of kids and rules and no 'special treatment'. Horrors.
What makes it worse is that they are the only kids from their play school that are going to the private school. So they will be at Big School ON THEIR OWN. Where is that medication??
The new school is quite a bit further than the old one and a lot stricter about starting time. Apparently their 8:30am means 8:30 and not 9am. Fark. How am I going to get them there on time? I am hating Big School already.
Right. The baby has woken up. How do I know he is awake? Because I hear laughing from the room! Yes my friends, the child wakes up LAUGHING! What a totally different experience from previously. If you know what I mean (not mentioning names, but follow my eyes...)
Ok, better go. Gorgeous day and Max and I are going to take a walk up to Mimi's house and fetch Adam and Kate.
Is it normal to think about you ALL THE TIME? Ever since our trial separation, you are all I think about. I keep thinking "I wonder what you would think of THIS!" or "I must tell you about THAT!" And then I remember that we are supposed to be having a break from each other.
I am worried I might have been too hasty in our break up. I think I might need you around more than I thought I would. You mean more to me than I realized.
I don't want it to be one of those relationships where I keep going "I'm leaving". "I'm staying". "I'm leaving". I don't want to mess you around.
Bottom line is I don't think I am ready to leave. But I am also not ready to for things to go back to what they were before. I can't be the same person I was. Which isn't necessarily a bad thing.
Could we start over? Will you have me back? Will be ok if we start slowly in the beginning?