Wow. What a weekend, I am exhausted. I can't believe that it is only Monday. And that my father's setback only happened on Friday. It has been the most harrowing time of my life.
You know, I owe so many people an apology. Whenever I used to hear of (grown up) people losing a parent, I used to feel sorry for them, but never appreciating the depth of their despair. I consoled myself with the platitudes like "oh well, they were getting on a bit", or "it must have been sad, but it is part of the natural order of things". Thinking that although they must have loved their parents, there is no way they could have had a relationship with their parents like I have with mine. We have an incredibly close family. My parents are more than just my parents, they are my everything. They are my world, my life, my rock, my hope, my strength, my role models, my friends, my muse. I need my parents as much now as I ever did, and life without them is untenable. In fact, it is so impossible to contemplate that is it improbable. It just couldn't be. Other people's parents, but not ours.
Even with my mom's cancer 6 months ago, I was scared, but still hopeful. My mom was very lucky to caught the cancer so early. And my mom and I have always said we are going to share a room in the retirement home together. There is only 20 years difference between us (19 years between my father and I) and she is a lot stronger in body and mind than most of us.
And then my father's two heart attacks last week, plus his open heart surgery. Scary, terrifying actually, but still ok. Until Friday. Friday shook me to the very core. All of us. My brother flew in from London on Saturday. Thank goodness my little sister was already here from Korea. This is the first time in while that we have all been in the same place at the same time.
It has been the longest, scariest weekend of my life. As my sister says so beautifully on her blog, it has been a weekend where my mother, the four of us children and our spouses have come together with each other and for each other in a way that has given each of us incredible strength and fortitude.
And there is light at the end of tunnel. After a harrowing weekend, my dad is looking a lot better today. He has been through hell, and I know we still have a long way to go, but it was so wonderful to see that great, naughty sense of humour of my dad's peeping through again. We are hoping with everything we have that he will be allowed to go home tomorrow. I know it will make him feel a million times better to be home in his own bed, with his beloved wife and his beloved dog.
What an unbelievable few months we've had as a family. We've been through so much, but we have also been so incredibly lucky. These incidents have made me realize that nothing, absolutely nothing, is more important than your health and your family. I am so incredibly thankful that we still have both.