So, at 10:00am Friday the 23rd January 2009, I dispatched the dogs off to the doggie parlour to be dipped and deflead. The flea people arrived at 10:30, as promised. Well, actually they promised to arrive at 10am, but what’s 30 minutes between friends. They arrived and I left. And even though they said it was safe for us to return after two hours, I decided to keep the kids and myself away from the house for a few hours. The only problem was that I had a meeting at 2:30. I called Marko and asked whether he could come home early to pick up the kids from the coffee shop where my meeting would be taking place.
I then had two hours to kill while the fleas were being killed, so I asked the kids where they would like to go. “Old Macdonald” they said (meaning McDonalds) I hate that place. With a passion. I don’t eat burgers and chips and that stuff, so I inevitably end up settling for something that distantly resembles a healthy meal which always tastes like shit. And the kids don’t even eat burgers either! My kids are such crap eaters, they don’t even eat junk food. How depressing is that. But alas, the lure of the happy meal toy and the play area are strong. So off we went to eat our crappy meals and climb in the tubes. 60 bucks*, two burgers wrapped in a serviette for the dogs, and two cheap plastic toys later, we went to the coffee shop to order two milkshakes and wait for Marko. Who was running late! The kids were getting increasingly bored and loud and I was getting increasingly anxious that my meeting would arrive before Marko did. Very professional to have two clambering four year olds covered in strawberry milkshake.
* Apologies, I should have mentioned that I meant R60, not $60! R10 = $1, so it cost me $6!
Side note: On the walls of the coffee shop, they have these huge photos / wall paper thingies. The one picture was of a horse drawn cart and a chap who looked like Charlie Chaplin. Adam says in his very loud voice, across the very quiet coffee shop, “OH LOOK MOM, THERE’S JESUS!” Perfect. My kids think Charlie Chaplin is Jesus. Maybe they should be spending more time with their happy clapping Aunt, Sister Mel. Hey, at least they have heard about Jesus before (must be from watching TV).
Eventually Marko arrives at 2:29pm and takes the kids off to the play place. I quickly ask the waitress to clear the strawberry milkshakes, compose myself and mentally shift 475 gears to get ready for meeting. Meeting arrives, all goes well.
Until I get this text message on my phone from Marko:
“Kate just made a poo in her pants. All over her bum and panties. No wipes, scrubbing with toilet paper. All over my hands. Now have her shitty panties in my pocket smelling like shit. I have been floeking* you. Just my luck. Hurry up”.
* Vloeking means ‘cursing’
I nearly peed in my pants. HAHAHA!!! Hilarious! I can just picture Marko in his smart work clothes, cursing me as he wipes up messy poop. I told him afterwards to throw the damn panties away, but he said I am just wasting money, as usual. So I told him that he could clean them then. He threw the panties away.
Anyway, I went to go rescue him and we all went home. The carpet people came the next day to steam clean the carpets. Poor Rose has worked like a demon, washing and cleaning every last thing in the house, even though I told her it would be fine. She was paranoid about the flea poison.
Between the wasted Happy Meals and the cheap plastic toys, the wasted strawberry milkshakes (even though I actually did finish them off myself – oink), the VERY VERY expensive play place (R26 for two appletizers, are they on drugs!!!), the discarded panties, the doggie parlour, the extermination, the carpet steam clean and the effect on Marko’s nerves, it has been a bloody expensive exercise. And yes, our lesson has been learnt, we will NEVER EVER not deflea our animals again for such a long time. (in our defence, in the 10 years we’ve been together and had pets, this is the first time this has ever happened).
But in a small way, it was almost worth it just to picture Marko with the poo emergency, because I can just imagine how he must have been cursing me. Because as you know, stuff that like is obviously all my fault.
Oh, and just to top it all? There are still some fleas hopping about. I want to scream. The exterminators are coming back on Monday.
I HATE THESE FARKING FLEAS!!! Just hurry up and die already. Asshole fleas.