These questions about South Africa were posted on a South African Tourism Website and were answered by the website owner. (not sure if this is really true, got it off another blog, I thought it was flipping hilarious)
it ever get rainy in South Africa ? I have never seen it rain on TV, so
how do the plants grow? ( UK )
A: We import all plants fully grown and then just sit around watching them die.
Q: Will I be able to see
elephants in the street? ( USA )
A: Depends how much you've been drinking.
Q: I want to walk from Durban to Cape Town - can I follow the railroad tracks? (Sweden) A: Sure, it's only two thousand kilometres. Take lots of water...
Q: Is it safe to run around in
the bushes in South Africa ? ( Sweden )
A: So it's true what they say about Swedes.
Q: Are there any ATMs (cash machines) in South
Africa ? Can you send me a List of them in JHB, Cape Town , Knysna and Jeffrey's
Bay? ( UK )
A: What did your last slave die of?
Can you give me some information about Koala Bear racing in South Africa ? ( USA
A: Aus-tra-lia is that big island in the middle of the pacific. A-Fri-ca is the big triangle shaped continent south of Europe which does not.... Oh forget it. Sure, the Koala Bear racing is every Tuesday night in Hillbrow. Come naked.
Q: Which direction is north in South Africa ? ( USA
A: Face south and then turn 90 degrees. Contact us when you get here and we'll send the rest of the directions.
Q: Can I bring
cutlery into South Africa ? ( UK )
A: Why? Just use your fingers like we do.
Q: Do you have perfume in South Africa ? ( France
A: No, WE don't stink.
Q: Can you tell me the
regions in South Africa where the female population is smaller than the male
population? ( Italy )
A: Yes, gay nightclubs.
you celebrate Christmas in South Africa ? ( France )
A: Only at Christmas.
Q: Are there killer bees in South Africa ? (
A: Not yet, but for you, we'll import them.
Q: Are there supermarkets in Cape Town and is milk
available all year round? ( Germany )
A: No, we are a peaceful civilisation of vegetarian hunter- gatherers.. Milk Is illegal.
Q: Please send a list of all doctors in South Africa who
can dispense rattlesnake serum. ( USA )
A: Rattlesnakes live in A-meri-ca, which is where YOU come from. All South African snakes are perfectly harmless, can be safely handled and make good pets.
Q: I was in
South Africa in 1969, and I want to contact the girl I dated while I was staying
in Hillbrow. Can you help? ( USA )
A: Yes, and you will still have to pay her by the hour.
And just to remind you, what a typical (i.e. mine) looks like in South Africa
(Designed by my brilliant friend, the American Asshole)