The tale of the olive pants

Enough of trivial issues like the new leader of the world’s most powerful country, lets focus on things more important – me.

 

Let me share with a story with you that will highlight once again just what an asshole I am, in case you had forgotten.

 

There are few things I love more than a bargain. That two-for-the-price-of-one marketing ploy is aimed squarely at me. Stock clearance – music to my ears. 50% off? Sold! My cupboards are filled with things that I saved huge amounts of money on, yet that I never needed in the first place. But never you mind, it was a BARGAIN!!

 

Last year, my home-away-from-home Woollies, obviously realizing the folly of an earlier purchasing decision, decided that the olive and forest green sweatpants weren’t going to the best sellers they predicted, and promptly marked them down by 50%.

 

Sweatpants!! Less 50%!!! SOLD! I bought three pairs in various shades of olive green. 

 

The problem is of course, that I am a Winter person. Or a Summer person (are any of you old enough to remember that Color Season thing? You were either a ‘winter’ or a fall or something like that.) Anyway, whichever season I was supposed to be, it didn’t include olive. Not that that put me off of course, a bargain is more important than the clothes actually suiting you.

 

So now I had my three pairs of olive sweatpants and nothing to wear with them. So I bought a few non-bargain long sleeve comfy shirts to go with the pants. All in colours that aren’t really my thing – beige, cream etc. Doesn’t matter thought, goes with the olive. Got the top, got the pants. Even bought some cute (?) olive and beige socks! Full price. No shoes though. Fear not, I bought a pair of orthopedic olive shoes. Cost a bit of money, but at least they match the pants, and they are orthopedic! That has to be good, right? Except that they hurt my feet so much, I ended up having to go to the podiatrist (cost a fortune) for treatment who told me not to wear the shoes ever again. Then it got colder and I had to add some warmer tops, all in varying stages of beige and olive.

 

So now I have shoes I can’t wear, a podiatrist bill and an entire winter wardrobe of beige and olive, colours that do absolutely nothing for me except make me look wan and sallow, but never mind, IT WAS A BARGAIN!!!

 

I am afraid there really is very little hope for me.

Comments

[victoria]

Oh, that's hilarious. I've decided to follow the advice of some books that came out a few years ago about how to be French. ("Almost French," "Why French Women Don't Get Fat," "Discovering Your Inner French Girl [sic]" -- yes, some idiot tells ADULT women to discover their inner "girl" -- gack). Anyway, one of the themes running through these books is, (1) Parisian apartments are tiny; (2) a closet the size of a teacup is considered a luxury; (3) Frenchwomen cannot accumulate clothing for lack of storage space (4) so they make up in quality what their wardrobes lack in quantity and (5) are happier for it. (This "a few perfect things" theme sort of goes along with the food theme: "Frenchwomen don't get fat while still savoring every delicious, perfect meal because they're all about portion control and self-restraint.")

I've decided to go with this. I've thrown out/given away all my cheap, ill-fitting, unflattering clothing. I've also figured out what works best on my body, and I taught myself how to sew and how to fit my garments to my body. I now have a much smaller but much more pleasing wardrobe, a much tidier closet, and I get pleasure from my clothing in a new way. Also, the fact that I have to sew my garments REALLY slows down my consumption and makes me think about what I'm doing with color and texture and drape and I just sort of savor life more.

[Kristin]

Bwahahahahahaha...thanks for starting my day with a laugh. You know...since the colors are all coordinated, you could have someone cut the clothes into little squares and make a lovely patchwork quilt.

[Jenty]

PMSL!! I enjoyed that, sounds like my wardrobe at the moment!

[Melanie]

Okay, Tertia....its only fair that you give us a photo of said olive pants!

[Jessica]

What is the world coming too? Olive sweat pants and crocs... haha! Quick! Someone call the fashion police!

[Deids]

I agree, a photo would be delightful!

I do the same thing. Buy one bargain item then end up spending a fortune getting things to match. Or the opposite, my most recent faux pas was buying a beautiful pair of linen cargo pants (from Woolies of course, where else) which are now sitting in my cupboard because I don't have a single shirt or pair of shoes to go with them. I need a personal shopper.

[Stefanie]

My dh is just like you - I have to remind him "it's not a deal if you don't need it." Thankfully, I control the checkbook!

Way off topic, T but I did have to tell you my darling stepdd is expecting a boy in March! I'm gonna be a grandma (LOL) at 37! Yes, I married an old man.

[Kim]

Do you have an ebay over there? Perhaps you could get rid of them that way and have some money to buy some new bargains with. Maybe you should write a note to yourself somewhere handy, leave it in your car or something - that says: do not buy clothes bargains in the colour ... olive, or tracksuit pants etc. just so that in your euphoric rush you don't have regrets later.

[Rachel]

Haha I love you!!!!!

[Lena]

Luckily Woolies pants don't fit around my thighs, can't make that mistake even if I wanted to.

[Tripsmom]

I've finally (at the age of 41) realized that it is only a bargain if it makes you look & feel good!

[Aadila]

Noooooo!u stop that this minute.. U bought Three?no,rather buy 1flattering item for th same price-that u will actually Wear.im going to break this to u very gently:THERE.... Is... Such... A.. Thing... As... Comfort... With ... Style.plz oh plz hire me as ur personal stylist-with ur boobs and botox-we can do Wonders :)

[Mel]

I gave that ugly olive jersey you gave me to the Hospice shop in Grabouw. At Mom's tomorrow, bring me a pair to try on.

[Ingrid]

I am exactly like you, always for a BARGAIN! Doesn't matter if I don't need it, it was cheap! I think by living in the jungle, I've learnt a lot, specifically to downscale big time, and to live a more simple life, and get rid of clutter. I also hate throwing out clothes, and keep things forever, now I promised to wear all my old things, and throw it out when and if I ever leave this place, living in the DRC, has helped, ( by the way, you could wear your olive shoes, olive pants with anything, and it doesn't actually matter).

[Heather]

You crack me up! BTW, I just had my first glass of wine from South Africa and it was really good. It was Graham Beck Gamekeepers Reserve - not sure if you've ever had it. It was right up my alley. Very dry and lots of flavor for a red wine. It was my last glass of wine before my embryo transfer tomorrow. I thoroughly enjoyed it!

[maren]

I think my favorite part is easily all the effort you went to to match *sweatpants*. I don't own any, but if I did, I would wear them with my one sweatshirt (that I've had since I was 13 years old and that is BRIGHTLY patterned with a rainforest design, plus the word "rainforest" in case you didn't get the idea) and my trainers and have done with it.

[bec (and Charlotte)]

A few years ago I decided to save money and make my own cards. By the time I had bought paper in every shade and colour, matching envelopes, pretty stickers, various crafty things and all the paraphernalia that you could possibly buy to make your own cards I had spent so much money that I worked out it would take me 23 years to be ahead.

I have a very large L on my forehead.

[Meg]

You could shop w/ my mother-in-law!!! (not the evil one, the good one)

[Flicka]

And that, my dear, is why we love you!

xx

[Emily]

Years ago I had coworker with one of those perfect bodies on which even the cheapest, most poorly made clothes looked great. She came in one day bragging that she was wearing a $9 dress (which looked fabulous.) The next day she came in with a head-to-toe rash from the cheap clothing dye and spent about $100 in medical bills and ointments.

The Shopping Fates are not kind.

[D]

Olive pants for the olive on a stick

[Maritza]

O deary, deary me...I imagine you look a little like a bird watcher...should I send you some binoculars & guidebook to compliment your outfit?

[Jane Dorayme]

You wore the olive long sleeved top last time I saw you. It looked fine! I love Olive, pity I am not your size! The legs would be too long I would have to cut them off and the tops too tight would have to slit them up the sides. What a bummer or I would have taken them off you!

[lydia]

That's hilarious! I am fair with an olive undertone, and i look great in those colors lol. But i wouldn't have bought bargain tops OR pants in, say, pale pink, yellow, or mint green. They make me look like shit,and no matter how cheap a piece of clothing is, I refuse to wear it if it looks awful, full stop. What I wear has a huge effect on my demeanor and attitude, i find. Get some bright colors, woman, your mood and complexion tinge will thank you ;).