Eyelash pulling?

Hello darling hearts, I am so terribly sorry I've been MIA.  Been feeling completely revolting, blah blah.  All very tiresome.

While I am busy feeling sorry for myself, please could you put your Mommy Assvice hats on and help a dear reader:

"Over the years of reading your wonderful, completely addictive blog, I'm often struck by how fantastic your readers are, especially when it comes to giving such great advice, and I need some! Would it be at all possible to pose a question to them?"

My (very spirited) little girl, 1 year 10 months, had an eye infection about 3 weeks ago. One morning I gently cleaned her eyelashes using my fingers and I suppose she liked the sensation. Since then she has been pulling on her eyelashes, especially when she is tired or before falling asleep. I took her to the eye dr who said that she can see crusts on her eyelids (not visible without a magnifier) and my daughter is probably trying to get them off. However it seems to me to be a calming behaviour that is turning into a habit. She's not pulling her eyelashes out on purpose (ie it's not trichotillomania), but she pulls so hard at them that they are coming out. I really want to break this habit before it becomes ingrained but I am at a loss. It's usually when she is in bed trying to fall asleep.  What I've found on the internet says to gently distract her, try to get her to do something else, or say "would you like me to clean your eyes with a cloth?". I've tried to give her a stuffed toy or doll to stroke but she chucks it out of the bed. So far none of this seem to be working. Any concrete advice from you or your readers would be really appreciated!

Comments

[AmyM]

What about a piece of plush or silky cloth which feels really good to the touch that she can hold near her eye but rub instead of her eye? Or even use it to gently rub her eye instead of picking at it with her hands?

Eventually, it could be like a favorite blanket that will eventually go away.

[Darla]

My daughter still at age 10 likes to have a warm washcloth on her eyes. It helps soften the crusties plus feels good on her face and eyes. We started it when she was just about a year old to help with the allergy crusty eyes.

[cbms]

Is it just one eye that gets the attention? If so, what about making her an eye patch out of something nice to touch. Ask the eye doctor for an appropriate sized patch and then add the nice fabric to the part that faces away from her eye.

[Rachel]

Maybe you could look for a small eye mask for children. you know, one of those things you wear to block out the light? Maybe she could wear that at night, she couldn't get to her eyes through it and she might like the sensation of total darkness.

[Woody's Girl]

I had forgotten that my daughter used to do this when she was little! (she's now 7.5 yrs old) She would "stroke" her eyelashes between her thumb and her ring finger, though I don't recall her actually pulling hard enough to pull OUT any of her eyelashes.

My recommendation to you would be to put a small amount of baby oil (or something similar) on her eyelashes in the evening. That will not only help to remove the crusties that have built up, but will also make them very slippery and harder for her to yank out.

I do this to myself from time to time, to "rejuvenate" my eyelashes from being over-mascara'd. LOL

Good luck!

P.S. In my daughter's case, she went from twirling a lock of her hair as an infant, to stroking her eyelashes as a toddler, to BITING HER FINGERNAILS by preschool age (which she still does to this day). I'm wondering if this progressive chain of habits are anxiety-related?

[Susan]

No advice but my daughter did the same thing from early on when tired and before bed. It was never a problem as she didn't cause any damage that I could see and she stopped doing it eventually.

[colicmommy]

If she has crusts on her eyelids, a warm cloth will do the trick. Get one of those bags filled with buckwheat husks or rice or beans or such, and heat it in the micro. Show her how to hold it on her eyes.

I've suffered from blepharitis (inflamation of the eyelid oil glands) for years, and the warm compresses are the only thing that makes it feel better. She may have a dry, irritated feeling she can't tell you about on her eyes, thus the pulling. I suspect that's the case, esp. if the doc told you he can actually see the crusts.

It's suggested that one do warm compresses 1-4 times per day for eyelid troubles.

Good luck!

[Rachel]

When we were little and my mother was concerned that my sibs or I would mess with scabs, or bites, or whatever in our sleep, she would have us sleep with socks over our hands. It can't hurt to try it and the little one may find it funny. Silly Mom, socks are for feet!

[CariP]

My daughter did the same thing but she was a little older - I think around 3? At one point she had no eyelashes and almost no eyebrows. She did it at night when she was falling asleep as a soothing mechanism. Luckily she was old enough to talk to about the behavior and we were able to gradually get her to stroke a soft blanket rather than her eyebrows/lashes. It will probably be harder with a little one, but maybe a small really silky peice of something that is specifically for rubbing, or a favorite shirt of yours that she can hold and rub when she is tired? I would say just keep reinforcing the other thing and gently redirect her when you see her doing it. Good luck.

[blackbird]

Okay - I'm ready for the backlash (no lash pun intended) but how about giving her a dose of Panadol before bedtime so she's too sleepy to pick?

[Ruth]

no back lash intended, as i was a definite goer for panadol induced sleepiness in little people when nothing else worked . . .

BUT

. . . recent research links it with asthma in big kids - i.e. there is a direct correlation with panadol(more specifically paracetomol, as there are generic brands aplenty) use in infants and asthma in kids 4 and up. and if you haven't got an asthmatic kid, seriously, you don't want one. no eyelashes vs struggling to breathe is a no brainer.

sucks doesn't it? just when you find a legal drug, turns out you might damage your ankle biters by using it.

next they'll tell us we shouldn't fill the little darlings bottles with chardonnay at parties. or that hash brownies are not a birthday party appropriate food for teeny weeny people.

[HeatherG]

My son did this at that age and he grew out of it. I found gently rubbing his back or running my hands in his hair stopped him and sent him to sleep. 3 years later we still put him to sleep that way most nights.

[Martie]

I do not have better advice than that already given, but I want to tell you about my one younger brother's way of falling asleep when he was a boy: He used to "flip up" his eyelids - EEK!! It looked TERRIBLE - the pink fleshy inside part sitting on the outside in front of his eyes. People who didn't know about his habit would get a big fright when they would see it by accident. But I must add that he was a really weird kid. He's perfectly fine now. I used to "paint" my face with a lock of my hair to help me fall asleep when I was small. I think your daughter's habit is also a way of soothing herself to sleep. I like the advice about using baby oil to clean it before she goes to sleep. Good luck!

[anon]

As someone who had/has trichotillomania (but never eyelashes) it is not always deliberate/conscious, but it is actually a soothing activity (I know it doesn't sound like it, but it is). She is using it to help soothe herself to sleep. Advice tends to be displacement, I liked the idea of baby oil (which would prevent her getting a grip of them) and the socks, but she will need a replacement soothing mechanism.

It is a sensory thing, so perhaps try light massage to soothe her (even if it means you staying with her and stroking her arm/back/hair) to settle her, and if she is amenable maybe try teaching her a repetitive soothing massage she can do herself - how about rubbing her thumb or thumb and finger over the back of her other hand (she can't throw her own hands away like a toy, and then it's always there to calm her should she need it). You do it first, then take her hand and guide her over her hand, and if you keep doing it then hopefully she can learn to do it herself. Not an expert's advice, but she will need something she can do herself.

Good luck and keep an eye on her anxiety levels generally.

[Kirsten]

My daughter pulled her hair between ages 12 mos and 2 years while sucking her thumb at night just as she was falling asleep. We tried soft fabrics, stuffed animals, dolls with hair, etc. She pulled several bald spots before we hit on what worked! We sewed mittens onto all of her pajamas - she could still touch her hair, but she couldn't get a grasp on it to pull it. We cut a thumb hole so she could still suck her thumb, and we made it a fun game at bed time (e.g., "let's put on your mittens!" "where's that thumb?"). She never seemed to mind the mittens, and her hair grew back. It seems like something similar could help you with the eyelashes. She is now 4 - she still twirls her hair, but now it is long enough for us to put it in a ponytail at night - she just twirls the ponytail instead of pulling.

[Katherine]

Here's a third vote for give the blankey but also coat the lashes. I might use petroleum jelly rather than oil though. It will stay and cut down on the sensation that is currently soothing. Good luck!

[Sarah]

Some friends of mine had a daughter with a similar habit and they solved it by giving her a cotton ball every nap and bed time. She would stroke it with her hand or against her eye and it was also TOTALLY REPLACEABLE if lost (Bonus!).

[kristylynne]

These are great ideas. When I was small, I slept with a teddy bear and used to go to sleep rubbing his leg with one of my fingers. Always the same finger in the same spot. His fur wore off in that spot. So I especially like the idea of substituting an appropriate object for her to toy with at bedtime, as I found it very soothing as child.

We have something similar going on here. My husband is a nail biter and I'm a skin picker, so it was only a matter of time before our son (age 3) developed some weird habit. He recently got chapped lips and now he pulls on them all day, pulls his skin off until his lips bleed. I am at a loss as to what to do. I've realized that asking him to stop is counterproductive, as he now turns away so I won't see him doing it. I just chase him around with chapstick. :-)

[Lisa]

I'm the reader who asked for advice.
Thank you all so much for responding. I am wiping her eyes with a warm cloth then putting on a tiny bit of petroleum jelly, and am trying to get her to stroke her face or her hand instead. I like the idea of a soft piece of cloth - I will give that a shot as well.
Again, thank you so much.
Tertia your readers rock like you do - like a rockstar :-)

[Beth]

I was curious with all this good advice going around about weird childhood habits....would anyone be able to tell me what i should do with my 2 yr old daughter who, in order to go to sleep, sucks her thumb and picks at her bellybutton. She cant wear any pajamas that cover it, or she freaks out. But she keeps picking at it until it bleeds. I know its a comfort thing, but oil/creams/lotions havent done the trick. Any help here?

[zarqa]

My daughter did the eyelash thing around 12 months. No allergy or cold or anything, just increased dexterity and the discovery that it felt kind of good. She has had a lovey that she has slept with for months now - a little blanket thing with an elephant head, hands and tail. I guess she just needed help making the connection that the the lovey could be stroked instead of her eye. We would gently move her hand away from her eye and put the lovey back to her neck where she could stroke it. Finally she got it, and hasn't touched her eyes in that way ever since.

[Jigsaw]

Beth, I would suggest that you substitute the oils/lotion with a generous dab of petroleum jelly on both fingers and belly button. As long as you make sure her fingernails are short with no jagged edges, the thicker (and longer lasting) petroleum jelly should keep her from harming herself. It might make for some greasy sheets, but wash with warm water to take care of that.

[Julia]

I have tricht... whatever. I pull out my eyebrows until there are very attractive bald patches. I wish I had thought of baby oil because that is brilliant. As for Kristylynne's lip puller my son did that for a while and it was awful. It occurs to me that baby oil (or vaseline) might help there as well but we had great success with Neosporin Lip Care. It does get better.

Tertia, sorry you are feeling crummy.

[Bethany]

Tertia,

It made me sad to hear you've been feeling completely revolting.

I hope you are feeling gorgeous and divine very soon!!

[Dawn]

I would like to share my story, my daughter has been picking her eyelashes now for about 3 1/2 years and she started when she was about 3 to 4 years. I have tried everything and it doesn't seem to work. She has been doing this for so long now sometimes I don't think she knows she is doing it. Now I think we need to take her to a specialist to see if they can help us figure out what to do with her to overcome this matter. If you have found something that truly does work please let me know. Thank you!! Good luck with to you to.

[Debbie]

I am 38 and have had trichotillomania since I was 6 (eyelashes and eyebrows). I have none -pull the regrowth every day. This has been my cross to carry in this lifetime and I pray that your daughter does not have this. What I can tell you is that regardless of what happens, please do not obsess over this with her. I was abused physically and mentally as a child (no one knew this was a disorder), and while I've gone on to be a successful person, I feel awful about myself. I lived a life of shame and it will take a lifetime to get over.

Don't make a huge deal out of it -trust me -if I would have had more support growing up, I would not feel so awful about myself. If it helps though, I am considered very pretty by most people -and have lived a normal life despite having some issues. I would just maybe put little gloves on her hands at night and do the baby oil -nip this in the bud while you can.

God Bless you.....

Please remember that if this does continue on, your little one is still so special and beautiful -do not make them feel any different as they will have enough struggles. Your child needs your unconditional love.