Almost 40!

I can’t believe I am going to be 40 next month. I am not feeling sad about it, more incredulous than anything else. FORTY! How on earth did that happen? What happened to the last 20 years? I am sure I was 20 years old just last week or the week before.

 

It feels weird to be turning 40. It feels like a watershed year, but in a good way. It is actually quite liberating to let go of some of the angst of conformity of my twenties, and even my thirties.

 

In fact, as I get older, I find myself getting more and more comfortable with my inner oddness, which is not necessarily a good thing.  Last weekend I went to the shop in my stripey PJ pants, a stripey sweater and sneakers with stripes. I looked like an escaped convict, and I didn’t care. Who says you have to dress up or even coordinate your stripes? You are going to get milk and bread, not give a presentation on world peace.

 

My mother was horrified. She said she thinks it is time for her to intervene. The previous weekend I arrived at her house in navy blue shorts, an old T shirt, olive green sandals and socks, looking remarkably like a German tourist.

 

I know I should care more about what people think, but I just don’t. What I wear or how I look shouldn’t matter, it is what is on the inside that matters. What matters is that I am the best mother I can be for my kids, that I run a successful business, that I am in a good marriage, that I help others. That I am good and kind and caring. That I wash my bits and don’t smell. Wearing fancy clothes or make up is so meaningless, so unimportant in the grander scheme of things.

 

I just don’t get the whole ‘dressing up’ thing. I think I am bordering on eccentric, really. Oh well, can’t be perfect in EVERYTHING.

 

(My sister is seriously concerned for my daughter, who seems to be following in her mother’s footsteps)

 

My mom and I are having a combined 40^th and 60^th party next month, how cool is that. Can you believe my mom is only 20 years older than I am. When my mom was my age, she had a twenty year old child, the mind boggles. I can not imagine having a child at 20. And again at 22. And 26. And 32. My mom is Super Woman!

 

On that note, best I be off. Sorry I’ve been MIA this week, I have a lot going on right now. But I do love you and miss you terribly. Smooches xxxxxxxx

  My mom and I

Comments

[Isabel]

You know what - being 40 is FINE!!! I do suggest that you lose the pj pants for excursions out of the house - that is definately a teen thing! :-)

XOXOXO

[Lila]

I promise you, the day after your 40th birthday nobody will spot the difference ;-) It's a mind thing.

I found 41 more difficult. 40, okay, it's a big number and you celebrate it. But then hey, these 4s go on just like that...

Yay for striped pjs and self confidence!

[Beth]

Your mom looks like you in that picture and you look like Adam!

[Kim]

Next you'll be off to the shop in your dressing gown and fluffy slippers, looking remarkably similar to an escaped mental patient - haha. Had to laugh at the .. looking like a German tourist comment. Being in Germany, but not a German, I cannot understand the desire to wear socks with sandals but so many do it. I tell my husband (who is not German either but has been here too long) that he is definitely not allowed to wear socks with sandals, it is not a cool look - who cares if it is comfortable. I think you'll notice you're 40 when all the guys turn past you to look at the attractive 20 something behind you and don't give you a second glance.

[tess]

well said, tee. i'll be turning 40 in a year or so and every year that takes me away from the insecurities of my 20's, the early 30's infertility angst/trauma is a happy time.

YAY for you, and tell all darling (except the bits marco doesn't let you post about), how are you celebrating??

[Kristin]

Happy Almost Birthday. I love the pic of you and your mom.

[Dani]

You still have birthdays? I put a stop to that shit years ago. I figure if I don't acknowledge it I'll be frozen in time. ;)

[Tine]

I just turned 40 this week. And you know what? It's awesome! I've never been angst-y about age...can't see why I should start now.

I had to laugh at the German tourist comment. Because I am neither German (American, actually) nor a tourist (too poor!) but I wear socks with sandals all. the. time.

I say if you feel comfortable and are happy with your appearance, to hell with the fashion police. They can take their pointy-toed torture devices and stick them you-know-where for all I care!

Happy birthday in advance. :)

[Sister Mel Flanders]

Scarier and scarier folks, the girl has no shame!

[Caustic Cupcake]

I don't know if you've posted it or not, but I would love to hear the story of now your family wound up in South Africa. Which generation was the first- your grandparents? great-grandparents? great-great-grandparents? Even further back?

And I totally agree with the commenter who said your mom looks like you and you look like Adam.

[bec (and Charlotte)]

You cannot come and stay here with me if you were socks with your sandles. It's illegal here.

Had a brilliant Pinot Gris last night from South Australia, shame you weren't here to share. (Though not a shame if you were going to wear socks with your sandles)!!

[Becki]

The lovely thing about turning forty is that you get to start on a sh*t-free diet: you don't have to eat any of the sh*t people are always shoving at you. Most liberating.

[Sara]

I applaud your lack of concern about fashion, largely because I share it, and am somewhat evangelical about the sanctity of comfort. Can I tell you a secret? My baby was born 11 months ago this Friday, and I still wear maternity stuff all of the time. I don't need to. I'm below my pre-pregnancy weight now. They just feel fabulous.

[Geohde]

Isn't 40 the new 20 anyway?

Or is it the new black? Or am I mixing my age related expressions with clothing ones?

Ah, more coffee needed here.

J

[Amy7]

I turned 40 2 years ago and you know what? I have never felt more like my true self. And yes, quite willing to shlep to the corner store wearing whatever I please! With age comes confidence and a greater appreciation of who we are. Really are. Happiest of Birthdays to you and your Wonder Mom!

[Lisa]

I know I should care more about what people think, but I just don’t. What I wear or how I look shouldn’t matter, it is what is on the inside that matters. What matters is that I am the best mother I can be for my kids, that I run a successful business, that I am in a good marriage, that I help others. That I am good and kind and caring. That I wash my bits and don’t smell. Wearing fancy clothes or make up is so meaningless, so unimportant in the grander scheme of things.

I agree with this wholeheartedly, which is why I don't understand the fake boobs and botox. How has your attitude changed so much from a few weeks ago when you were defending your right to plastic surgery?

[summer]

I think you are amazing !!!!
Keep it up !!!

[Hanlie]

I experienced some anxiety when I turned 39 a few months ago! My last year before turning 40 and I have no children yet!

You're fabulous the way your are, stripes and all!

[Summer]

Oh, Tertia. Doesn't South African cable TV show "What Not To Wear"? British version, American version... doesn't really matter which, it's all about how you deserve to have nice clothes and look fabulous. With your underlying gorgeousness it doesn't take much, just a good pair of jeans instead of the pajamas, a sweater with some cling (you'll make someone's day by sharing your breasts!) instead of the convict one.

You're right, what you wear doesn't make you a better or worse person... but knowing you look good might just make you feel better.

[Shaun]

You look much younger than that:)

[Becky]

I have ALWAYS had a hard time getting dressed up, and often run errands on the weekends in pj pants and flip flops. I used to be able to use the excuse that I was a college student who just didn't care, but now that I am 28 I think that reason is getting old.
:) Becky

[victoria]

"[H]ow I look shouldn’t matter, it is what is on the inside that matters." True -- but then, there's also the part of you that decided to get new boobs and Botox. Speaking of which, I'm in the midst of hatching a plan to come to SA & have your surgeon do a tummy tuck on me. Because while I agree, it's what's on the inside that counts, I would love, love, love to have a flat, firm belly, and diet & exercise alone just ain't gonna do it. And even with the dollar as weak as it is, it would still be cheaper to have it done in SA.

[Jerri Ann]

I got a tattoo for my 40th birthday....Mickey Mouse on my shoulder...Happy Birthday Girl!

[Karin]

Congratulations! Be glad you are turning 40. I am certainly so grateful for every age I reach. I recently lost, and am still reeling from the tragic loss of a dear friend who only made it to 37. She only got to spend 9 years with her daughter and 6 years with her son. When people die (before 80) we always say they were so young. But when we are alive we worry about being old. Strange irony.

[Heather]

My mom and I are going to have a combo 30th/60th next year! I am so in agreement with you on the dressing thing- I have long said that I only wear clothes while my Mom wears outfits. I just don't see why clothes should make you feel all proper and constricted when you can function better in comfy pants and a hoodie sweater!

[Pamela]

Sounds like you are one step away from a purple hat???

Have a great birthday!

[Dana]

Tertia, how can you work in communications and not value image for what it is worth? It is not related to being insecure AT ALL; it is your projection to the world. I am sure your mother or maybe, your husband, only care about your insides but what about the rest of the world that does not know your inner G&D soul? Why do you want them to even think you need to be secluded in a mental institution?
If you were single, would you date someone who looks homeless? Why not?
Image is power, woman, and your sister is right being concerned about her niece and nephew!!

And, in any case, as another reader suggested above, how come you are so inclined to plastic surgery if you only care about what is inside?? (and by the way, covering your fabulous boobs with ugly stripes should be a crime)

[Debbie]

I am 38 and just had my first child.....so I'm a bit of a late bloomer but love it.

One thing I heard recently is to think of birthdays as a true CELEBRATION of life -we are blessed to be able to grow older each year (regardless of the number -it is a wonderful thing to be alive). So I'm going to try to take that attitude as I approach the big 4 0. It isn't a number that should be feared, but one to be celebrated -look how lucky I am to have been on this earth for 40 years....

I also have a grandmother who is 99 and still lives in her 3 story home (she just stopped driving last year). She gardens, bakes, cooks and cleans. This woman does not feel old and she is 99....something to think of!

Go on and enjoy -it is a celebration after all.