A slow learner (PG ment)

So, about 4 weeks ago, on CD29 on my cycle, I got odd twitching in my nether regions and knowing how absolutely (ir)regular my cycle is, I immediately knew that this meant that I was either (a) about to get my period, (b) about to ovulate, (c) pregnant or (d) had once again indulged in too much dried fruit.

 

When nothing much happened the next day (except for the dried fruit bit), I forgot about it.

 

Fast forward to about two weeks later and I start getting more odd sensations, this time in the digestive system. Having learnt my lesson last time, I knew it couldn’t be the dried fruit, so I chalked it up to a bug. The bug made me feel extremely tired, a little pukey and a bit of an upset tummy. Eventually, after a rather delicious lunch of chardonnay and a gorgonzola, winter rocket, roast butternut and pancetta salad, I suddenly found myself feeling extraordinarily ‘unwell’.

 

That night I went to bed at 8pm and I lay there, mentally counting on my fingers and toes and worked out that I was on CD47. Nothing too alarming as my previous cycle had been 50 days and I tend towards anything between a 35 day cycle and a 110 day cycle.

 

And then I thought ‘what if’. What if I could be pregnant? The thought made me instantly more nauseous. THAT’S IT! I said to myself, I am going to pee on a stick tomorrow and then I am going to have that mirena fitted IMMEDIATELY. I really don’t want more children, I am perfectly happy with what I have, thankyouverymuch.

 

So, next morning, I climb over 2 little bodies and pee on the stick. Look down – farking stick is broken as the pee is not climbing up the window. Put stick down, wipe, flush, wash hands and pick stick up. Two BRIGHT lines. Oh my fucking fuck. 

 

I tell Marko and his loving response is “you fucking asshole”. I said “it is YOUR fault, you are the one who wanted to have sex”, to which he replied with unnecessary emphasis, “EVERYONE HAS SEX!!” 

 

So, I went for a beta that day. 7781. Which means absolutely nothing (besides me being pregnant) as I have no idea when I conceived. Next beta 11871. So, it is going up. I appear to be around 6 weeks. First scan last Thursday, one sac (praise the lord) and 1x beating heart (115bpm). Both sac and fetal pole measuring at 6w. 

 

Well. I am pregnant. I am in shock. I am also an extremely fucking slow learner because it is the THIRD time I have been pregnant in the last year and a half and do you think maybe I can actually get pregnant by having sex?? DUH.

 

But because I thought I was further and because this is my SEVENTH pregnancy with only ONE successful outcome, you’ll have forgiven me if I was a little gun shy. So I waited for a second scan (today) before sharing the news with anyone. 

 

Scan today showed 1x appropriately growing thingy. The embryo thingy that might maybe just could actually result in a baby.

 

The news has been met with varying reactions from “you are SUCH as asshole” (my sister, yes folks, the lordy one actually used the word ‘asshole’,) to “how did that happen” (I have no idea myself) to “oh, well, um. Ok. Well, good luck” (the most common reaction). Once bitten, 7 times shy, the lack of jubilation is understandable. 

 

Unfortunately, there isn’t much celebrating on this side either as I have been so, so, SO sick with all day nausea, headaches etc. It is RELENTLESS. Honestly, I’ve been pregnant with quads and with twins, and this is far worse than that. I have been feeling completely depressed about it. Which is why I haven’t been posting as well. I have been too sick to do anything. The doctor first prescribed one medication which did nothing, and I am going to try another one today. I hope it helps because I am absolutely useless. My poor kids keep asking me what is wrong and why I am so sick. 

 

So, that is my news. I feel very strange. Not at all excited, and quite detached. It is probably a defence mechanism, and it is also probably due to that fact that I feel so sick. It is really just such a shock. I know that sounds stupid, but I had expected to get pregnant, maybe. I hadn’t ever considered the possibility that being pregnant could end up in having another child.

 

It is still a loooong way to go, and my track record isn’t exactly stellar, but for now, I appear to be knocked up, once again. Who would have guessed.

 

PS if any former or current infertiles hate me for this, I understand. I hate myself for it too. It is pathetic and childish and frankly, quite embarrassing. 

Comments

[Moxie]

!!!!!!!

Holy shit, T! And I thought my announcement today was big. Now it just looks puny, compared to this. Congratulations!

!!!!!!!!

[Em]

Wow! I can understand your gun shyness and I can understand how you would want to keep this news at arms length until you can be sure (can we ever be sure?) but if you don't mind, I will be jubilant for you. In fact, I am very very excited but I will hold it inside until we see that sweet little Analtyn in all of his or her pixelated cuteness. So as not to draw attention from any fates. But just so you know, and I will whisper it if you want, I am over the moon happy for you ;-)

[Fi]

Only one thing to say: Congrats!
And I mean that in the least sarcastic way!
~~~sticky vibes to that baby~~~

[21stCenturyMom]

Squeal!!!

I hope you feel better soon - very soon.

[Patty]

TERTIA!!!!!!!!! I am thrilled for you!!!!!

Sticky, sticky, healthy vibes and much, much love.

[Miss W]

It is what it is -- a potential to be something really wonderful. Here's hoping!

[weerwolfie]

Cool!!!! Good luck & all that... this baby better sit still for the next couple of months!!!!

[cassey]

:( for the sickness, but :) for the news

[Yellowgirl]

Wow!!! I wondered where you'd gone off to with the lack of posts! Here's to NBHHY and all that!

Yellowgirl

[Danielle]

I'll add myself to the "well, um, OK. Good luck." crowd. :) Hope everything goes well. Thinking of you.

[Sarah Blake]

Wow, that is big news Tertia! And I hope you start feeling better!

[Gina]

Oh wow oh wow! Mazel Tov!!!!
Crossing all bits that everything stays where its supposed to!

[Isabel]

Congratulations.

XOXOX

[Joni]

Oh wow Tertia, what incredible news!! Here's to a happy, healthy and safe pregnancy!!!! Congrats to you & Marko!!

[Nixgrim]

Hey Tert - Congrats! I pity you for the yukkyness, but I'm thrilled for you that you've got another one on the way - conceived completely naturally. LOTS of sticky vibes to this little ones!! But really - you are a bit of a slow learner, eh?! ;-Q Hee hee! Hold thumbs for us - tonight is our night TTC! Maybe your preggie thoughts will influence us.

[Nix]

Holy SHIT dude!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Um, I'll hold the rest in reserve until we know fa sure, k!!!!

[Lisa S.]

Congrats! I know it's weird to hear that. I am in a similar boat - knocked up from SEX after years of infertility and one success (IVF). In fact our kids are only a week or two apart (Charlie was born Jan 11, 2005).

So yes, ambivalence. Not exactly the same as yours - I didn't lose any pregnancies so I don't have that fear so much as the fact that we had gotten truly happy in our current state. Two adults, one almost 4-year old, life was good and no diapers in the picture. Suddenly, boom. Back to square one - which would have been heaven a few years ago but now seems like a giant inconvenience.

AND - being sick to boot - sucks bad. Nothing like not being sure you are happy about a baby, and being constantly reminded by your belly pains and low energy level.

Yeah. I feel it too. Congrats, or whatever!

[Lisa S.]

Oh yeah, P.S. Also had to stop (depression) meds, did you? Which totally sucks b/c now I feel like I need them (and wine) more than ever.

[V]

OMF! Made me swear in the office! Congrats and I will be holding all my fingers/thumbs/toes that he/she hangs in there.

[Jody]

Oh My GOD, Tertia!

I don't know what shocks me more -- that you're pregnant, or that you kept is a secret this damn long!

Congratulations. I am beyond thrilled that things are looking so good at this stage.

I hope the nausea is better soon. But only because you're in the second trimester.

!!!!

[Robin from Israel]

Holy crap! Warmest congratulations and my very best wishes for much better feeling and completely uneventful sailing from here on out.

[DaniGirl]

Well maple my leaf, isn't that a lovely surprise for you? Congratulations!! Here's hoping for a pukey but happy nine months for you. FWIW, it took me about eight and a half months to fully engage in my latest (and last!) pregnancy. Thinking happy thoughts for you...

[Summer]

Ah, now I understand why you're going to the grocery store in pajama pants! You totally get a pass if you're pregnant and feeling pukey. All that nausea sounds very encouraging, too....

I'll also say that as a former fertile/current infertile I am nothing but happy and excited and hopeful for you, and very encouraged for my own sake. You've got my best wishes, and I've made a mental note to keep having sex.

[Stacey]

Hooray!!! I am SO excited to hear of your happy news!! Stick, baby, stick!!

[Molly Chase]

OMG!!! Congrats, Tertia, and as my late grandmother always said, who knows how the wind blows? I am cautiously excited for you. It's tough to stand on the rug when you've grown accustomed to having it pulled out from under you.

[Kristin]

Holy shit! After the initial OMFG reaction, I'm joining the “oh, well, um. Ok. Well, good luck” group. I know you are very ambivalent about this now but I'm praying hard that this one sticks around.

[Lindsay]

Oh YAY! Congratulations! Clearly the debate about having another child wasn't up to you!! Isn't it amazing, when you decide you don't want something, it comes back to test you!!
Strength for the morning sickness- there goes a drunken birthday party!!

[Kay]

Tertia, I understand your reaction completely. However I will be excited and hopeful enough for the both of us. Good luck sweetie! Much love, Kay

[Leah]

Holy Crap! Happy 40th Birthday! If it were anyone else I might be a little peeved. But since it's you, I'm so excited!! Let's hope this one sticks around as long as it's supposed to!! I've got everything crossed!!!

[Cory]

Congrats, congrats, congrats on the news! :)

I undestand the ambivalence, I had it too on my second pregnancy (although I didn't have the track record you do, nor suffered the losses you have). But just talking to other people (through the internets of course, why is it that no one in your real life understands this stuff...wierd) I found that it's a pretty normal feeling.

I'm sorry to hear about the sickness...I had it the entire nine months of both my pregnancies. The meds my doc prescribed didn't help with the sick feeling, it just kept me from vomiting non-stop. Although, I still wound up in the hospital from dehydration both pregnancies as well. So I guess nothing is fool proof. All I can say is what people always told me...that the sickness is a good sign of a healthy pregnancy.

I will say lots of prayers for you and Lucky Number Seven. Best wishes to you!!! xoxoxoxox

[Samantha V]

Congrats! I Pray It Will Be An Uneventful Fulterm Pregnancy. Lotsa love from Vancouver

[Orange]

Say what? You weirdo. What did you think would happen if you kept having sex and didn't use any contraception? You're right, you are a slow learner!

Con...gra...tu...lations?

Dude. A full-time job, a side job with the egg donor business, two kids, dogs, and a baby on the way? And poor Tertia can't have wine (well, only a teeny bit) to muddle through it all. Hah!

[Laura B]

Just wanted to send provisional congrats. Not long ago you asked us whether we thought you wanted more babies. I think your own inaction shows you what your heart desires even if it doesn't match the "common sense" coming from your head. Let your heart lead now, and believe that this could work out for you. I understand the pain and frustration only too well, having lost at least 6 babies of my own, but I also know the hope and excitement that comes with knowing that maybe this time it will work out. Aside from the 6 we know didn't make it, there are 5 beautiful humans that did make it. Embrace and enjoy every moment of the side effects, as I have heard several times that the more severe they are, the more likely the pregnancy will be healthy. Therefore, please accept my heartfelt prayers for frequent and unrelenting morning sickness, heartburn, exhaustion and of course, a healthy, happy baby to make it all worth it. God bless you.

[~ bridgette ~]

Congratulations!!

[Anna]

Oh, dear Tertia! Congratulations! I'm keeping everything crossed for you for a happy & healthy baby ( & mom). :)

[Chris]

Will just keep chanting NBHHY for you....

[Binkytown]

Fucking FABULOUS news! YAY!

[Bethany]

OMG, OMG, OMG!!! Congratulations!! And, I'm not going to wish that you feel better because morning sickness hopefully equals good pregnancy-sustaining hormone levels! Bring on the sickness! (I mean this in the most loving way, you know ;) And, you MUST KEEP US UPDATED!! No more disappearing - WE WANT UPDATES! Yay!! I say: Live in the moment and be happy about this. Sending sticky vibes...

[Amanda]

Holy shit!!!!

Okay I am one of the those "currently infertiles" that you talk about, but trust me when I tell you, we are ALL happy for you. (and if anyone disagrees, piss off) : )

CONGRATS on this new journey!!!!!!!!!

[Charlise]

Holy fucking fuck. Amazing. Really. I love it. Right before you turn 40 - kind of perfect no?

[Mel]

Wow! A congratulations, an empathetic hug, a biting of the bottom lip (my own--not yours). Just know I'm sending love, good thoughts, and virtual antinausea medication.

[beck]

TERTIA!!!!!! OMG I am so thrilled and shocked. Stick baby stick!

[VHMPrincess]

OMG! That is wonderful news so far! My fingers are crossed for you and I hope you start feeling better soon!!

[Tiah]

Stick little bean, stick!!!

Being sicker than sin is a good sign. It's hell, but a good sign.

[kris]

Wow... thinking happy thoughts.

[Wobs]

Flipping amazing!!! Congratulations and here's to a safe, problem-free preggie experience. Holding thumbs! PS: the article in Woman & Home is great!

[charne]

O wow and wow again! A big congrats to you and marko!!!

Pray all goes well over the next 8months

You sure know how to surprise us all! Hehe

[Amanda]

delurking here...

Well butter my butt and call me a bisquit!!

Congratulations!! And from a former IF to another I wish you the stickiest of beans and the best of nether regions!!

[Aurelia]

Holy Shit! I'm stammering with amazement! and ifyour doc has nothing for the nausea then keep trying. Diclectin is awesome, but if they don't have it in SA, then try taking some vitB and some unisom.

cheering you on over here!

[maddy]

Congrats! I am so happy for you. Sending positive baby vibes your way!

[Sarah]

I don't hate and you and I'm a current infertile. I really hope this one sticks!

[Tessy]

Holy guacamole!

Congrats and best wishes!

Being detached is normal. So, so, so normal. Just remember that feeling like a horse's ass is a good sign. I've got my fingers crossed for you!

[wyliekat]

Happy thoughts towards small child!

[Lissa]

Congrats Tertia! Crossing everything that this one sticks around!! :)

[Lori]

I know exactly what you mean about being detached. I'm still worried at 37 weeks. As for the sickness, sometimes peppermint helped me, sometimes a bit of soda, sometimes crackers (although that was the least helpful), sometimes licking a tablespoon of peanut butter, sometimes a combination of a protein and a carb, and then of course, phenergan-which is the medicine I ended up taking when all else failed.
Hope the sickness means a good thing!

[kerry]

I'm almost speechless. Almost....but also so happy for you and your family.

I hope your doctor gets resourceful with the meds and you feel better soon- on all levels.

You're in my prayers- (too bad!)
and much love!

[Stephanie]

congrats!! how awesome that you are sooo ill...in my pg's that "made it" I was very ill, and not so much at all in the ones I lost...so the sickies could be a "good" thing...anyhoo-YAY and congrats!!!!

[L.]

Oh my goodness! I really just thought you were very busy with work. As they say--you could knock me over with a feather.

I can't help it, I'm thrilled for you, and hoping for the best. I am terribly sorry about the morning sickness, though. I am in the thick of it myself, not telling anyone because am waiting for the scans, and it's like having the flu go on, and on, and on. The only tip I have is that acupuncture can help. Sometimes.

[wendyd]

omg! cautiously excited for you, nausea and all.

[Stefanie]

Congratulations! Sick is good (isn't that a stupid saying??) I was sick with my dd until 12 weeks, so I'm going to be an asshole and assume Ms Kate will have to share her crown in your house. LOL

[Amy]

Congratulations!!! I'm jubilant on your behalf.

[SheBee]

Well good lawd, look at that!

Good to hear this pregnancy at least allowed you to eat something different for lunch than your usual.

[Lala]

How ironic that the Blogher ad that shows up with this post is for Prego pasta sauce. I didn't realize it was based on keywords. Good luck, may it work out however you want it to.

[Beth]

Wowsers. Congrats, slow learner! Isn't severe morning sickness supposed to be good sign? Or is that something I learned on a Babycenter bulletin board? ;-)

[Christine]

I have one word for you: ZOFRAN. Does wonders for the nausea.

And a big congratulations. I think your reaction is totally normal given your history. I will keep all my bits crossed that you have a long, boring, uneventful pregnancy.

[Becki]

Oh, I hope everything goes well and that you're feeling better soon so you can enjoy it. If it's any comfort, my mother got pregnant with me when my youngest sibling was nine and was spitting mad, but she was very pleased in the end. Or so she said.

[Mar]

CONGRATS & GOODLUCKS!!

[zimmom]

congratulations! We are so similar it is scary.. I have b/g twins and when they turned four, I was very happy as they were going to start kindergarten and I would have "me time". Found out I was pregnant four months BEFORE I turned 40.. totally not expecting to be pregnant on my 40th birthday..

had a baby girl, who is now almost 15 months and has stolen all of our hearts!

[Rachel]

Best of luck with everything Tertia! I am very excited for you, so you don't have to be.

[shari]

Well, congrats from someone who has been in similar shoes. Took me 5 yrs, 4 IVF's and a m/c to get my twins, and after they were born I had two more m/c (when twins were 5 months old - can you IMAGINE being pg again w/5 month twins to care for???) before my son was born almost exactly 2 yrs later. Never was trying to get pg the old fashioned way, and never thought it would "stick" after two more m/c..... you just never know.

Wishing you all the best!

[Lila]

Keeping everything that can possibly be crossed crossed for you.

Let's say no more, melach maim, melach maim (salt and water against evil eye)....

[Lena]

WHAT!!!??? Congratulations! No one hates you for this wonderful news. I am praying for you and your little baby. We have to stay positive. Ag sweet, a little brother or sister for A&K. The morning sickness will pass, and be worth it in the end. xxx

[Deblet]

Wow congrats!Only discovered your site recently and what can I say I'm hooked!!!Being preggies is wow and age is only a number I know had my 3rd at 40 after 18yrs of "legal sex".Practice makes perfect,hope you feel better soon,nausea,etc sucks big time as my 13 yr old would say.

[Sarah in Ottawa]

Squee! Congratulations and I hope that the nausea passes soon!

[Jen]

I am delighted that you are furthering the stereotype that sex can make people pregnant! I shall keep everything crossed that this results in a lovely baby.

[Boliath]

Congratulations, delighted for you!

[Dominique]

Congrats Tertia. Hope all goes well.

Take care
Dominique x

[hez]

Congratulations!

[Tinker]

Cool! I haven't yet read the comments, but I'm sure someone has already suggested that the m/s is a good sign for the pregnancy. As for it being worse with a singleton than with multiples, I'm in that exact boat right now. I was less ill carrying my twins than I am now with a singleton. Gah! I hope it all goes smoothly.

[JuliaKB]

Holy crap, Tertia!

I get the ambivalence, so I will just say may it happen for you at a good time.

[Meli]

Oh my Tertia! Congratulations. I understand the need to protect yourself, so I'll be happy for you! Woohoo! Best wishes always!!!!

[snickollet]

WOW.

WOW.

WOW.

I'm sorry you are feeling so sick, but hopeful that things will work out for you and the baby. It's so exciting! And surprising! And a whole host of other emotions. If *I'm* feeling so many different emotions, I can't even imagine what *you're* feeling!

I hope you feel better soon.

So exciting!

[Beachgal]

Holy crapola. Congrats. Just wow. I'll keep my bits crossed for you!

[kris]

Wow, that is amazing news! Never a dull moment..... I was really sick my last pregnancy, and found a lot of relief taking Zofran. Just a suggestion. Best of luck to you!

[Kaje]

Hahaha!! Oh Tertia this could only happen to you! Congratulations and lets hope this little one sticks around. Fingers crossed and lots of prayers being offered for you guys.

[Kim]

Holy Crap!! Not what I expected to read today. And as I kept reading I kept waiting for the part where you told us it had ended. Holy shit, it hasn't ended!!!

I am pregnant with my second and in the middle of SICK, SICK, and more SICK as well and it SUCKS! I feel same ambivalence...blame it on the pukey.

Good for you. Here's hoping we get to go through this whole thing together!!

[Scout]

I hope you feel better soon and congratulations! I can totally understand where you're coming from -- makes perfect sense. Take care of yourself.

[Caroline]

Sometimes the unexpected turns out the best - I have 3 'unexpected(s)'. Here's holding thumbs for you and sending you mega positive energy so that everything goes well. As for the morning sickness - don't have no sympathy left sista - spent too much time looking down the toilet bowl myself.

[Wendy]

Tertia - OMG, what awesome news!!! Well done you and Marko :-) Wendy xxx

[Macca]

OMG FAB!!!! You quiet sneaky chicky! Well done Marko! Try Zofran if you can get it prescribed. I had that twice a day until after delivery. Worked so well. Now go and have a nanna nap on the couch!

[jen]

Wow, congratulations! Am blown away - keeping fingers and toes crossed xxx

[c]

I hope this baby will bring you much joy unstead of heartache.

[perceval]

loads of sticky vibes

[Stefanie]

Damn internets ate my post!

Congratulations!! Sick is good (doesn't that sound stupid.)

[kathleen999]

Don't be embarrassed. It happens. I hope that if the baby is sticky and healthy, that you eventually are happy about this. Something tells me that you are afraid to be happy since there have been so many traumas. A healthy baby and normal pregnancy (i.e., not multiple--I can say that since I've had twins) will probably feel like a blessing.

Hope the meds work. Keep your spirits up and the chow down.

[siggy]

Congrats, T! Very happy for you, and so sorry you've been so sick. I am currently 11 weeks pg with twins (donor egg, first pg at 46--oh, Jesus). So sick I want to die, but they recently put me on Zofran (the generic version) at 8 mg and it is helping A LOT. Please ask for some if you haven't been given it--it's saving me (i.e., I'm operating at 50%, rather than 2%). Hope you feel better soon and wishing you all good luck with this pg. Siggy (PS: you are a ROCK STAR in the DE community--your name is gold & synonymous with integrity & compassion--I hope you know that).

[JaneW]

wow wow wow! Congrats!

[Melany]

I'm very excited and happy for you,. I hope you feel better soon though

[Jeanette]

Oh WOW WOW WOW!!! I'm SO SO thrilled for you!!
You take it easy hey! Thinking sticky thoughts for you

[Andrea]

OH Tertia. Being miserably ill is a *wonderful* thing; tends to result in successful pregnancy outcomes. I too am a 6+ year infertile who was having a long cycle (which meant nothing) who suddenly found myself feeling unexplainably ill for DAYS, and had a baby about 34 weeks later. AND I had just turned 40. AND I swore that happened to OTHER people, not to me. But it did. And my delicious little surprise, Simon, is 3 months old. He is such a JOY. I look at him and see victory over my demons. Victory over the beast that is infertility.

Your husband's and sister's sweet words nearly bring me to my knees in verklempt emotion. So I will join in their cries of joy, even though I'm not a vociferous cusser: Congratulations you fucking assole, you're fucking going to have a tiny baby asshole!

I understand your lack of excitement; I spent a huge portion of my pregnancy feeling that way. But I GLOWED. Glowed with the utter delight of having a huge belly full of baby. You will too.

I am very, VERY happy for you and your darling husband and your little ones, who will soon seem so unbelievably BIG compared to their tiny sibling.