A slow learner (PG ment)

So, about 4 weeks ago, on CD29 on my cycle, I got odd twitching in my nether regions and knowing how absolutely (ir)regular my cycle is, I immediately knew that this meant that I was either (a) about to get my period, (b) about to ovulate, (c) pregnant or (d) had once again indulged in too much dried fruit.

 

When nothing much happened the next day (except for the dried fruit bit), I forgot about it.

 

Fast forward to about two weeks later and I start getting more odd sensations, this time in the digestive system. Having learnt my lesson last time, I knew it couldn’t be the dried fruit, so I chalked it up to a bug. The bug made me feel extremely tired, a little pukey and a bit of an upset tummy. Eventually, after a rather delicious lunch of chardonnay and a gorgonzola, winter rocket, roast butternut and pancetta salad, I suddenly found myself feeling extraordinarily ‘unwell’.

 

That night I went to bed at 8pm and I lay there, mentally counting on my fingers and toes and worked out that I was on CD47. Nothing too alarming as my previous cycle had been 50 days and I tend towards anything between a 35 day cycle and a 110 day cycle.

 

And then I thought ‘what if’. What if I could be pregnant? The thought made me instantly more nauseous. THAT’S IT! I said to myself, I am going to pee on a stick tomorrow and then I am going to have that mirena fitted IMMEDIATELY. I really don’t want more children, I am perfectly happy with what I have, thankyouverymuch.

 

So, next morning, I climb over 2 little bodies and pee on the stick. Look down – farking stick is broken as the pee is not climbing up the window. Put stick down, wipe, flush, wash hands and pick stick up. Two BRIGHT lines. Oh my fucking fuck. 

 

I tell Marko and his loving response is “you fucking asshole”. I said “it is YOUR fault, you are the one who wanted to have sex”, to which he replied with unnecessary emphasis, “EVERYONE HAS SEX!!” 

 

So, I went for a beta that day. 7781. Which means absolutely nothing (besides me being pregnant) as I have no idea when I conceived. Next beta 11871. So, it is going up. I appear to be around 6 weeks. First scan last Thursday, one sac (praise the lord) and 1x beating heart (115bpm). Both sac and fetal pole measuring at 6w. 

 

Well. I am pregnant. I am in shock. I am also an extremely fucking slow learner because it is the THIRD time I have been pregnant in the last year and a half and do you think maybe I can actually get pregnant by having sex?? DUH.

 

But because I thought I was further and because this is my SEVENTH pregnancy with only ONE successful outcome, you’ll have forgiven me if I was a little gun shy. So I waited for a second scan (today) before sharing the news with anyone. 

 

Scan today showed 1x appropriately growing thingy. The embryo thingy that might maybe just could actually result in a baby.

 

The news has been met with varying reactions from “you are SUCH as asshole” (my sister, yes folks, the lordy one actually used the word ‘asshole’,) to “how did that happen” (I have no idea myself) to “oh, well, um. Ok. Well, good luck” (the most common reaction). Once bitten, 7 times shy, the lack of jubilation is understandable. 

 

Unfortunately, there isn’t much celebrating on this side either as I have been so, so, SO sick with all day nausea, headaches etc. It is RELENTLESS. Honestly, I’ve been pregnant with quads and with twins, and this is far worse than that. I have been feeling completely depressed about it. Which is why I haven’t been posting as well. I have been too sick to do anything. The doctor first prescribed one medication which did nothing, and I am going to try another one today. I hope it helps because I am absolutely useless. My poor kids keep asking me what is wrong and why I am so sick. 

 

So, that is my news. I feel very strange. Not at all excited, and quite detached. It is probably a defence mechanism, and it is also probably due to that fact that I feel so sick. It is really just such a shock. I know that sounds stupid, but I had expected to get pregnant, maybe. I hadn’t ever considered the possibility that being pregnant could end up in having another child.

 

It is still a loooong way to go, and my track record isn’t exactly stellar, but for now, I appear to be knocked up, once again. Who would have guessed.

 

PS if any former or current infertiles hate me for this, I understand. I hate myself for it too. It is pathetic and childish and frankly, quite embarrassing. 

Comments

[Moxie]

!!!!!!!

Holy shit, T! And I thought my announcement today was big. Now it just looks puny, compared to this. Congratulations!

!!!!!!!!

[Em]

Wow! I can understand your gun shyness and I can understand how you would want to keep this news at arms length until you can be sure (can we ever be sure?) but if you don't mind, I will be jubilant for you. In fact, I am very very excited but I will hold it inside until we see that sweet little Analtyn in all of his or her pixelated cuteness. So as not to draw attention from any fates. But just so you know, and I will whisper it if you want, I am over the moon happy for you ;-)

[Fi]

Only one thing to say: Congrats!
And I mean that in the least sarcastic way!
~~~sticky vibes to that baby~~~

[21stCenturyMom]

Squeal!!!

I hope you feel better soon - very soon.

[Patty]

TERTIA!!!!!!!!! I am thrilled for you!!!!!

Sticky, sticky, healthy vibes and much, much love.

[Miss W]

It is what it is -- a potential to be something really wonderful. Here's hoping!

[weerwolfie]

Cool!!!! Good luck & all that... this baby better sit still for the next couple of months!!!!

[cassey]

:( for the sickness, but :) for the news

[Yellowgirl]

Wow!!! I wondered where you'd gone off to with the lack of posts! Here's to NBHHY and all that!

Yellowgirl

[Danielle]

I'll add myself to the "well, um, OK. Good luck." crowd. :) Hope everything goes well. Thinking of you.

[Sarah Blake]

Wow, that is big news Tertia! And I hope you start feeling better!

[Gina]

Oh wow oh wow! Mazel Tov!!!!
Crossing all bits that everything stays where its supposed to!

[Isabel]

Congratulations.

XOXOX

[Joni]

Oh wow Tertia, what incredible news!! Here's to a happy, healthy and safe pregnancy!!!! Congrats to you & Marko!!

[Nixgrim]

Hey Tert - Congrats! I pity you for the yukkyness, but I'm thrilled for you that you've got another one on the way - conceived completely naturally. LOTS of sticky vibes to this little ones!! But really - you are a bit of a slow learner, eh?! ;-Q Hee hee! Hold thumbs for us - tonight is our night TTC! Maybe your preggie thoughts will influence us.

[Nix]

Holy SHIT dude!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Um, I'll hold the rest in reserve until we know fa sure, k!!!!

[Lisa S.]

Congrats! I know it's weird to hear that. I am in a similar boat - knocked up from SEX after years of infertility and one success (IVF). In fact our kids are only a week or two apart (Charlie was born Jan 11, 2005).

So yes, ambivalence. Not exactly the same as yours - I didn't lose any pregnancies so I don't have that fear so much as the fact that we had gotten truly happy in our current state. Two adults, one almost 4-year old, life was good and no diapers in the picture. Suddenly, boom. Back to square one - which would have been heaven a few years ago but now seems like a giant inconvenience.

AND - being sick to boot - sucks bad. Nothing like not being sure you are happy about a baby, and being constantly reminded by your belly pains and low energy level.

Yeah. I feel it too. Congrats, or whatever!

[Lisa S.]

Oh yeah, P.S. Also had to stop (depression) meds, did you? Which totally sucks b/c now I feel like I need them (and wine) more than ever.

[V]

OMF! Made me swear in the office! Congrats and I will be holding all my fingers/thumbs/toes that he/she hangs in there.

[Jody]

Oh My GOD, Tertia!

I don't know what shocks me more -- that you're pregnant, or that you kept is a secret this damn long!

Congratulations. I am beyond thrilled that things are looking so good at this stage.

I hope the nausea is better soon. But only because you're in the second trimester.

!!!!

[Robin from Israel]

Holy crap! Warmest congratulations and my very best wishes for much better feeling and completely uneventful sailing from here on out.

[DaniGirl]

Well maple my leaf, isn't that a lovely surprise for you? Congratulations!! Here's hoping for a pukey but happy nine months for you. FWIW, it took me about eight and a half months to fully engage in my latest (and last!) pregnancy. Thinking happy thoughts for you...

[Summer]

Ah, now I understand why you're going to the grocery store in pajama pants! You totally get a pass if you're pregnant and feeling pukey. All that nausea sounds very encouraging, too....

I'll also say that as a former fertile/current infertile I am nothing but happy and excited and hopeful for you, and very encouraged for my own sake. You've got my best wishes, and I've made a mental note to keep having sex.

[Stacey]

Hooray!!! I am SO excited to hear of your happy news!! Stick, baby, stick!!

[Molly Chase]

OMG!!! Congrats, Tertia, and as my late grandmother always said, who knows how the wind blows? I am cautiously excited for you. It's tough to stand on the rug when you've grown accustomed to having it pulled out from under you.