I hate keeping things from you. We’ve come such a long way, and you’ve taken such a keen interest in my life, from when my womb was just a barren wasteland, to when my vagina ate my Mirena, and even during the order and delivery of my picked-out-of-a-catalogue boobs. Even when we’ve disagreed on key issues like cyclists and bathing, we’ve stayed friends. (Ok, besides Mail Order Bride Zhsuana, who, although she pretends to hate me, secretly harbors lesbian fantasies about me). Through all of this, we’ve always been honest with each other. I hope after this revelation, our relationship will continue….
I had Botox. And I didn’t tell you. And although I feel completely terrible about keeping this shocking secret from you, I have to say that I look absolutely fucking gorgeous!
SIDE NOTE: My biggest tip to anyone over 30 – GO GET BOTOX DONE! NOW!! Don’t wait until you are almost 40. If you don’t mind injecting a few thousand bucks worth of poison directly into your forehead, Botox is without doubt the best thing you can do for those pesky wrinkles. Do it before you get the wrinkles. Some naysayers will tell you might die from it, but just remember this, if you do die YOU WILL BE A FABULOUS LOOKING CORPSE!
Ok, I am obviously taking the piss (except for that part about doing it earlier rather than later), but I do want to have a serious discussion about this.
I have been reluctant to tell you about the Botox thing because I knew some of you would disagree and I wanted to have a proper conversation about it, not just throw it out there.
I know some people are very anti things like Botox and fake boobs etc, and while I can understand why they would choose not to do it themselves, what I can’t understand is why they get so upset when other people do it. My friend Orange has tried to explain it to me, but either I wasn’t listening properly (quite possible!) or I didn’t quite get what she was trying to say. She does tend to use big words and fancy sentences.
Explain to me, in simple English, why you are so anti someone else getting fake boobs or having Botox done? If it is a choice they are making out of their own free will, why would it affect YOU in any way? If one could reasonably assume that I am a fairly intelligent woman who, knowing the risks involved, is doing this out of my own free will, then why is it a problem? It’s like you having your hair permed – I might think “OMG, I would NEVER do that”, but I wouldn’t dare say you shouldn’t. If you want to look like a poodle, then so be it! Good luck to you, I hope it makes you feel good. What ever floats your boat, baby!
And I am not being facetious, I actually seriously want to know. I wish we were doing this over a glass of wine so that you can say something and then I can respond and we can go back and forth like that, but in the absence of wine and geographical proximity, let’s see if you can get it into my thick botoxed head.
Ok, I’m going to get my wine, you go first!
BTW - Sister Mel does a Lordy version of the plastic surgery debate her blog. Yes, fake boobs run in the family!
(PS Best Botox Doctor Ever – my friend and MBA study partner, the very handsome Dr Alek Nikolic. )