Black Work

Race is still a very sensitive in this country, for obvious reasons. I wish we could say that race is not an issue and we are all colour blind, but like a deep wound that is only now starting to heal, the area is still very bruised and quite sensitive. I have lots of hope for future generations, but this generation still proceeds with caution.

(And much to my dismay and deep despair, there are still some racist assholes in this country who keep perpetuating the pain. I have very strong feelings about this, but I will contain myself)

Anyway, so back to my story. Both Adam and Kate have only ever known a life with Rose in it. When we speak about families, and how our family is made up, they always include Rose. Our family has a mommy, a daddy, an Adam, a Kate and a Rose. Not a nanny, a Rose.

Rose and I have tried to find out from them what they think a Rose is. What is a ‘Rose’? But they don’t understand the question, all they know is Rose and Rose is Rose.

So the four of us were chatting at the kitchen counter the other day, and we were talking about families. About one day when they were bigger and would have their own children. Adam said he was going to be a daddy one day, and have onetwothreefourfivesixseveneightnineten children and a mommy and a Rose. So Rose said to him, “but what is a Rose? What work does a Rose do?” And Adam answers ‘black work’.

Well, I nearly bloody died!! Black work!!! OMG, the child is saying black people must do black work!! Where does he get that from! I have never said that to him, we have never even spoken about black and white. I was so embarrassed.

And then he carries on talking, “and I am going to do green work, and Kate will do pink work”.

Rose and I just burst out laughing.

(BTW, Marko doesn’t do a specific colour work, his work is to “smack lions”. Where the child gets that from, I have no idea. Must have been all that dope I smoked in my pregnancy)

I wonder whether the answer ‘black work’ would have sparked the same kind of anxious reaction in another country. Would it have? The scars run so deep here that we are so sensitive to it. So overly careful not to cause offence, so quick to look for it. 

PS Apparently I do black work as well.

No one is entirely sure what exactly is involved in 'black work', but it obviously doesn't include smacking lions

Comments

[Ninnibeth]

That's too sweet!

Here in Sweden "black work" is to work illegal without declaring an income, I wouldn't know what pink or green work is though, and the lion-smacking business is very bad up here... ;)

I use to say that my kids are colour blind; but when I asked my then two year old daughter which Jasmine she was talking about at preschool (there was two girls in her group, one with parents from Gambia & Eritrea and the other one with parents from Sweden & Chile) to which she replied "The chocolate one!". I asked her how she'd described the other Jasmine & she said with all the clarity of a 2 year old "Vanilla ofcourse!"... :)

[cat]

Tears are streaming, laughing uncontrollably. Smacking lions nogals!

[Lisa]

Here in America, the subject is just as sensitive. I get very tense and nervous when any discussion of race comes up.

[Bianca W]

OMG - That is too funny. I also nearly died when I read that - what on earth have you taught these children, but then he goes on to say pink work and green work - very VERY funny indeed.

And, if YOU also do black work, then it must be pretty high up there. Maybe he means that is the most important work - the stuff that you and Rose do for them, cooking, feeding, putting to bed - you know, the ESSENTIAL stuff.

[ann]

love this story - so funny
Marco sure has a hard job with all those lions walking round in the streets of Cape Town

[Gill]

Hee, hee! They are so sweet and innocent at that age, they've got none of the hang-ups and neuroses that us "grown-ups" carry around with us. I too have so much hope for the next generation, if only the older generation will hold back and not pass their prejudices on.

[Flicka]

Dude, *I* want to smack lions!

[melody]

Probably the funniest thing I have ever read!

[zenoma]

I don't know how the sensitivity compares to Africa wthout really experiencing it, but in America race is VERY sensitive. As I read your post, I cringed, I felt the embarassment you must have felt. I too try to raise my children to not judge people based on skin color and to embrace our differences. It's easy to be lulled into a sense of "things aren't that way any more, it's not that bad any more." But then things happen that remind me that racism is alive and well, and it saddens me so deeply.

Bless Adam. He is beautifully innocent :)

[jennifer]

i agree that race is an extremely sensitive topic in america. i live in a very non-diverse area, less than 5% of the population is anything other than white. i worry about how that affects my kids.

[wyliekat]

I'd feel the same way if I thought my child had said similar. Canada has too many immigrants from everywhere for my girl to be unaware of people with different shades. I hope she takes it casually and without question.

[Egg Donor (ret.)]

When I read that he said "black work" I gasped in horror. I would have had your same reaction, and I LOVE how he followed it up. Hugs and kisses to them both from me :)

[Rachel]

Like the other US commentators have said - race (and ethncity) is a very sensative topic here. One our current electoral process is trying to ignore (though it is a rather large elephant in the room.) I died a little when I read that, but then revived. He's a sweetie, that's for sure. I still remember the day my oldest noticed skin colors. It killed me a little, but she was just being observational and dropped it (though we used the opportiunity to discuss how all the colors are pretty and special.) Where we live is maybe 20% African-American, but at least 40% Hispanic. We also always refer to her skin color as "peach" - just a silly thing to avoid black/white comparisons.

[Lisa]

My son has several friends and relatives named "Jordan." (It was *the* name of the early 90s) We designated them Jordan B., Jordan C., etc.

When he was in 1st grade, he came home talking about "Brown Jordan," a little African-American boy in his class. Horrified (but not showing it!), I said, "Why do you call him Brown Jordan?" and he said, "Because I already HAVE a Jordan C." Like, "Duh, MOM."

Then we had to have A Conversation about how you shouldn't distinguish people by the color of their skin, and couldn't we think of a different thing to call Jordan? (We settled on just calling him by both names.)

[Krissy Poopyhands]

First of all, I laughed and laughed and laughed. I want a job smacking lions.

Second of all, yes, like the folks here commented, America is rife with racial tension. I live in an area of the country that is very, very racially divided, but we live in a subset of that area that is very ethnically diverse. We're actually the peach-faced minority.

Wallace notices race, but he notices the way he notices if someone's hair is curly or straight, or if they are tall. Whatever the color the girl's skin, he's always smitten and says that she's "VERY beautiful!".

I don't think there is a place that is going to satisfy everyone. I don't think that my son should not notice skin color, because it's there, but I also don't think he can openly even notice skin color without people assuming that because he is white he is disparaging of darker skin colors. Can we recognize the vast cultural divide without inehrantly placing value?

I have tried, but coming from a place of white security and privilege, I don't think it's possible.

I would have cringed, too.

[Sue at eLuckypacket]

After 15 years of keeping our own home straight, we finally caved and hired a cleaning service. Twice a month the company sends a team of three young hispanic guys around to clean, vacuum, dust and wash floors. As far as my 2 1/2 year old is concerned, "mens" clean houses. "Mommy, are the mens coming today?" I always snigger.

[jen]

There is this thing...I would call it a condition but that isn't the right word for it. Ability is better. But some people associate words/names with color. It was on a baby naming blog in the comments. Someone was having a difficult time picking a name because her husband didn't like the colors of the names she was picking. I can't remember what it is called but it sounds like he just associates a particular color with work. You might ask him if other words have colors attached to them?

But yes, in the US, I think, well hope, most people would have the same initial reaction as you did.

[Lena]

I was watching TV with my husband's daughter. I mentioned something about one of the people in the story. She wasn't sure who I was referring to and asked me "Wie Lena? Die verkleurmannetjie." (Who Lena? The cameleon) I asked her what a "verkleurmannetjie" (cameleon) is. She was referring to a coloured boy in the story. I was like - huh what!? She didn't undertsand my surprise / shock and quite matter of factly explained she was not being rude. The boy is not white and he is not brown, so he has to be a cameleon... Kids!?

[Stefanie]

Here in the southern US, I would have held my breath waiting to see what my child meant.

Last night, my 7 year old ds and I were in the car and this guy in front of us was trying to turn left, but from the right lane. I patiently waited, no biggie, but as he turned, my son said "He's black, and holding us up." So, we had to talk about that and I had to figure out why he said that.

Well, there was one little black boy in his class last year that was always "holding up" the class so now my ds thinks all black people are slow. I have tried to correct that.

[Darkchocolate]

I am a black south african and I employ a black woman as a domestic. Its weird just how much the dynamics of my situation are similar yet totally different from yours. my kids see her as an extension of teh family too. i have just had a long discussion at another forum about this and i have blogged about it too.

[Meg]

My six year old is reading the Harry Potter books. She came up to me and said 'Who is black in the Harry Potter books?' I got a little upset and asked why it mattered. And she said 'Because i'm trying to figure out exactly who Sirius Black is.' I felt like an idiot that my first reaction was such a knee jerk one and assuming she meant race and completely forgetting about a really important character. Oops.

[Rachel]

I would have had the same reaction as you. I live in the southeastern US, which unfortunately still has some issues about race. I am going to buy a poster for my classroom at school (when i graduate from college as a teacher!) that I saw once. It had a picture of a box of crayons and it says something like "People are like crayons: They are all different colors, some are sharp, some are pretty, and some have funny names, but they all have to live in the same box."

[Heather]

Yes. I would've felt exactly like you. In the US in general there is a certain stigma over the roles of both black and hispanic people. Although up here in the northeast US, it's more of a hispanic stigma these days.

[kristylynne]

Goodness, that child is funny.

I think it's normal for children to point out that people are different colors, etc. They don't know it's rude, they're just curious. A few months agao, as a baldning man was loading our shopping cart at the grocery, my son shouted, "that man has no hair!" I was mortified. I proceeded to tell him that commenting on others' appearances is rude, and that everyone is different and people come in all colors, shapes and sizes, with and without hair. I still am not sure if I handled it right, probably could have done better, but the whole thing just threw me for a loop!

[silene]

@jen, the concept you are looking for is synaesthesia, in which individuals perceive, for example, letters and numbers as having certain innate colors. (I think this also extends to musical notes in certain people). I have no idea how deeply the concept extends (e.g. to the color of "work"), but it's certainly an interesting possibility! http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Synesthesia