You are all absolutely amazing. Thank you so much for your wonderful comments on my last post. I am really touched. You were all part right, some perhaps more so than others, but there was much wisdom in your words.
reason I want more children is because the awesome, amazing love I have for my
children is so wonderful that I think to myself ‘how can I not want more
What does Marko want, some of you ask? He wants whatever makes me happy. He is perfectly happy with our family of four, but if I want more, he would be perfectly happy too.
at the moment is exactly as I want it to be, or as close as dammit. My family does not feel incomplete, nor does
there feel as if there is something missing. And yet, I don’t have that strong “I am done” feeling that some of you
describe. I think I might always have a
yearning for more children, but I think that would be true of whether I have
two, three or more children. I honestly
don’t think I will ever feel ‘done’. That
is just me.
On every logical, financial, marital, sensible level, I should not have more children. My life is perfectly complete as it is now. The thing that is keeping me from taking that next step (going on the pill, closing that chapter) is the fear that one day I will come to the regretful realization that life is more than the logical, financial and sensible. That when you are old and your time left on this earth is few, you will realize that all that really matters is the richness of love that family, and especially children, bring. And I will be sorry I didn’t have more.
I can’t just stay off the pill and ‘see what happens’. I want to live in the present, I want to enjoy my life and be fully present in this moment in time. I need to make a decision, I am just so terrified I will realize one day, too late, that it was the wrong decision. But, after reading all your comments, and taking to heart each of your points of view, I am probably pretty much decided that I am done. I just wish I felt more certain about it. But then again, what in life is certain?
All that I know for certain is that I am incredibly lucky to have my two children and that my life is immeasurably richer for being their mother. Which is exactly why the decision not to have more is such a difficult one to make.