Updates on the Assvice

I called Adam’s OT yesterday and had a wonderful chat to her. She said I am welcome to bring him back any time for some work. But first, she said, she wanted to ask me some questions about this puzzle thing.

Do I think it is a perception thing – he can’t see where the pieces go? I said no. It is a frustration thing – he can’t fit the puzzle pieces together properly (they wont ‘click’ in easily) and so he gets cross and frustrated.

She said it could be from his sensory profile, not a tactile thing but a proprioception thing (remember, that was/is his biggest sensory ‘thing’). He doesn’t know how hard to press to put the puzzle pieces into place etc.

(Aside note: This incident has made me remember back that I had very poor fine motor control at school. The only way I could write (to control the pencil) was to press really hard. My hands and arms used to get so tired from pressing so hard. I always got into trouble about how crappy my handwriting was. Exams were a total nightmare because of all the writing. I still get very tired from writing. Thank goodness for keyboards!!)

Anyway, it was such a great discussion because she is so clued on the sensory stuff PLUS she knows Adam so well. The stuff she said makes so much sense.

Firstly, puzzles are no great indicator. But the stiff hands, splayed fingers are concerning. As is his frustration levels. She said we need to do lots of fine motor stuff, but nothing that has a success / failure point like beading, puzzles or threading. The reason being is that if he ‘fails’ at it, he is going to get frustrated and not want to do it anymore.

Instead, we should be giving him free play stuff. Stuff that he will enjoy doing that doesn’t have an element of ‘failure’ built in. In other words, you only achieve success when you fit that puzzle piece in, or you thread that bead.  Instead, we should do things like make lots of cookie dough and make our own shapes. Roll big balls of dough and little balls. Make little cars, snowmen, anything he wants. Lots of rolling and pinching and things like that, but let him make whatever he wants. We then decorate them, bake the shapes and eat them!! Or we get Crazy Clay and make shapes and little balls etc and bake them into toys. We can paint them afterwards. Lots of playdough shapes. Or we take bubble bath and ‘paint’ with our fingers on the side of the bath. But everything is free play. What a divine idea. Makes SO much sense for a child like Adam, or any child like him who gets very intense and worked up about ‘failure’.

I am SO please I called her (thanks to you darling ‘holes). I love that she knows Adam so well. We will go back next month for an evaluation and perhaps some sessions, but I am pleased that I spoke to her. Very pleased and very relieved.

YAY!

As for Kate: I put a nappy on her the last two nights. She likes that kind of thing because she loves to pretend to be a baby. It would take a lot to make THAT child feel like a failure. Confidence is sky high. Naturally, she has been dry both nights. Hmmmm. Will still take her for bladder infection test though.

These kids! They drive us crazy :-)

Comments

[Bianca W]

So amazing that one phone call can make us feel so much better. Well done you! AND, well done Kate. She is such a big girl.

[Tripsmom]

Glad you got things sorted out. Generally kids are not even phased by the things that freak us parent out. We need to chill more, and drink more wine.

[Robin from Israel]

Sounds like you and the OT have a great plan in place - I love the way she recommended avoiding success/failure type games - she sounds very on the ball as far as knowing how this would all work with Adam's whole being. Win!

[Pia]

Yup,

Least said, soonest mended.

Sometimes the less fuss you make over an issue, the sooner it passes. It's when kids pick up on the parent's anxiety that things turn into big deals.

Fantastic idea about the dough!

[Ruth]

Brilliant advice - too much fuss about failure success and not nearly enough fun in this world. What a beautiful way to live one's life, let alone play as a child.
You did good AGAIN!

[Gill]

I'm so glad you phoned the OT and that she gave you such brilliant advice. Just wait till they are teens (or tweens, which are probably worse!) and then you will learn the true meaning of craziness!!!

[Heather]

Sounds like a great OT place to give you such good advice on "playing" to help Adam.

[JaneW]

Hi Tertia,

My son had the exact same problem you describe with handwriting in gr1.

I sent him to an OT who helped him beautifully. He was writing from his shoulder instead of just using his wrist. Anyway we also had to work on strengthening his hands and we were recommended to let him play with water pistols and squeeze spray bottles of soapy water. I let both boys go wild with these... and it really worked. So sometimes guns can be good! ;)

We also baked loads of cookies etc, fun and yummy!

Good luck.

[Chickenpig]

Yeah, that's pretty much what I said ;)
The puzzle thing could be a sensory thing, but it's just as likely a cognitive thing. My D will also push on puzzle pieces very hard and get frustrated, but he doesn't have sensory issues. It sounds like a typical, "I don't know how to manipulate the piece to go here, so I'll push hard and make it fit". If Adam can eat his food with a fork and spoon and not send it flying all over the room because he's approaching it too hard, then it's probably just a patience thing. At this age, how a child manipulates utensils or crayons is a better indicator of his manual dexterity than puzzles. Does he clench a fork very hard? Does he give up and throw it and use his hands?

Also, I disagree strongly with your OT therapist on the "make things easy" for him approach. Sure, he needs to kneed dough, but if he doesn't do some things that cause him frustration, even if it's very short term like beading (if you use very large holed beads, it isn't that difficult) then he won't learn the good feeling of having stuck with something until he has done it. Try doing puzzles with him geared for younger children, without Kate there, so he can feel that sense of accomplishment.

[Anna]

Every morning I open a large plastic pad at home and place on it lots of plastic cups filled with tempera paint, water, and a giant piece of paper. And several brushes of varying sizes, her father even brought her fancy calligraphy ones from China. Julia makes a big fuss about wearing her 'painter's clothes' (my old t-shirt recycled for the purpose) so that her clothes won't get dirty. At the beginning she would get frustrated because she couldn't hold the brush well, and she wanted me to make geometric shapes and she would fill them in with color. Sometimes she still gets mad when she wants to make something and it doesn't come out the way she wants. She likes to mix colors and add water and see what color she can get. She can spend two hours mixing colors. I think this is very good for motor skills.

[Chicago]

You are such a good mommy!

[sheilah]

I knew there was nothing to 'worry' about. It is great that your OT is such a great person and understands Adam's little foibles so well (what a great word...foibles...). Adam is fine (gorgeous & divine). Kate is great (& G&D, of course).

You are such a good mom.

...for an asshole, that is.

[Becky]

I'm so glad you called her! What great suggestions!
Oh, and cute pics!
:) Becky
(http://stinkylemsky.typepad.com/)

[CP]

And they are so very very beautiful! Adam is like a little Marko in the making.

You're doing a great job with them. Trust yourself- you're right time and time again.

[kathleen999]

You sound so relieved and in control of the situation now. I think it was good for you to get some feedback and not just be wondering.

With such a great mommy looking out for him, Adam is probably going to learn how to cope with his sensory issues far earlier than you did. He's a lucky boy to have you to help him.

Wonder how Miss Kate got so full of confidence?? :) It's cool.

[Suzie]

We have a kiddo with sensory issue and fine motor delay. When he was about 3.5-4, he had OT for that and they did a lot of Play Doh, shaving cream "painting," squirting things (fence, outside toys, etc.) with a squirt bottle, putting money into his back, lacing cards, drawing, etc., and he really dug that kind of stuff. The shaving cream painting, if you can tolerate it, is a great thing for both fine motor and sensory. His twin brother (no snesory issues) also benefitted from it for his gross motor delay. The puzzles and Legos came after about a year of working on this, and now he's a Lego maniac (at 5 yrs) and had excuisite fine motor control. But all the way it was a lot of fun playime, even the structured stuff wasn't that structured. Best of luck!

[Jessica]

beautiful children!