Clue: Two syllables, rhymes with PARKO and is another name for GIGANTIC ASSHOLE

I am not having fond thoughts about my husband at the moment. Murderous thoughts would be a better description.*

Moving along swiftly….

My feet have been really sore recently. Not being one to complain much (yeah right!) I didn’t want to say anything, what with the almost-amputated toe and all (toe is much better!). But I’ve had a lot of pain in the arches of both feet. At first I thought it had something to do with the sore toe, gangrene perhaps, or even gout, but then I read a little online and I don’t think it is that. I’ve booked an appointment for Wednesday with the podiatrist, but in the meantime I had a chat to the physio today (gawd, I am SUCH a hypochondriac! If I am not at my therapist, I am at my physio. I am pathetic).

Anyway, my physio was poking and prodding around my feet and she says she doesn’t think it is gangrene or leprosy. Or gout. She asked me a whole lot of questions about whether anything had changed recently and I said no. She then asked if I wore decent shoes and I told her that actually, I had just recently bought my first pair of proper ‘orthopaedic’ shoes. (can you spell M I D D L E  A G E D!) and she said AHA! Apparently the shoes I bought could be the cause. German shoes. Damn those Germans! Something about a high instep, made for people with flat feet (I have high arches) and hairy armpits. They are too broad for my feet etc etc. Can you believe that! I finally succumb to comfort over form (Marko is horrified that I bought granny shoes) and they make my bloody feet sore! I am such an asshole.  I know this will make my sister laugh. She likes to laugh at my misfortune. She isn't a very nice person inside. Don't be fooled by that happy-clapping, hymn-singing shit.

The worst thing is that I didn’t even buy the bloody shoes for their ‘orthopaedic’ qualities; I bought them because the colour perfectly matched with my comfy sweatpants. Life can be incredibly cruel sometimes.

*Plus he is sick at the moment.  Man Flu. An almost life-threatening debilitating affliction. Husbands are painful at the best of times. Sick husbands are like an ingrown toenail squished inside a pointy shoe worn to a cocktail party. Or like German orthopaedic shoes. PAINFUL!

Comments

[Dani]

I'm with you:

I buy "good" shoes and my feet hurt like hell.

I buy cheap shoes and I wear them for years without incident.

I don't effing get it!

[Nicole]

Hm...
German here .. with no hairy armpits, wearing American shoes.
You were kidding re the Germans, right?? I sure hope so. Really used to like you. Sigh.
Nicole

[Vanessa]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6EElqrgk4N0

Should be watched to understand "man flu"!!!

[Tertia]

LOVE the Germans! Just not their orthopaedic shoes.

[Nicole]

Pheewww!! Am v relieved.
Nicole

[Jen]

Darn. Someone got there before me with the Man Flu clip. Too funny! My other half had it last week and took 3 days off work. He said "I hope you don't get it". Well I had already HAD it - and worked right through it. Yeah. That stopped his sniffing!

[Sue at eLuckypacket]

First job I ever had required me to stand all day ... so I bought Dr. Scholl sandals ... thought I was being smart. They were damned expensive!!! And this on my first ever paycheck. I also have very high arches -- and those shoes? AG-GON-NEE ... Agony! I gave them away! Horrid!

[Kim]

I'm living in Germany and can't imagine what their orthopaedic shoes look like. My husband wears those MBT shoes based on Masai barefoot technology. Maybe you'd like them - only pretty expensive - over €200 a pair. Hairy armpits - hahaha, I've seen a few of them around here.

[Simonne]

On the bright side, you need new shoes! :-) Or, I could always buy new shoes and just think of you while I wear them ... I love new shoes.

The again, who knew that successful IVF would involve impending kiddly-related financial doom? *Sigh* Perhaps I'll just dream of new shoes...

[Simonne]

P.S. Germans are wonderful - they made my VW. I heart my VW. Thank you Germans!

[JuliaKB]

Sick husbands are a pain. Their cold is always orders of magnitude worse than yours, and their allergies? That they never start taking medication for preemptively even though they should? Those are like the worst allergies EVAH.

Hurting feet suck ass too. You are so good to do something about yours. I just limp around. Sigh. Should call the doc, probly, right?

[kristylynne]

Well at least it's not gout.

And I feel for you on the sick husband thing. My hubby gets a cold and you would swear that he is dying or something. He is just absolutely pitiful, lying on the recliner under a blanket, sniffling and whining. Me ... I have to be dropping dead of fever before he'll begin to pretend like he cares and offer to help with the daily duties.

Men. Hmph.

[Bianca W]

Shame man! Don't be so harsh on poor Marko. You do know that Man Flu is a billion times worse than Regluar Flu - dont' you? You need to be kind and gentle, give him home made chicken broth when he calls for it and make sure he had a good supply of DVD's to watch. And, for goodness sake keep the children away from him.

Or............tell him to suck it up!!! :-)

B

[liesl]

this post is exactly what keeps me coming back for more every day. you make me laugh so much. thank you for making a difference in so many of our daily lives. love you, you arsehole. love from me, other arsehole.

[Wobs]

I've had everyone in the office reading this post. I laughed so much my tea came through my nose.... very attractive - naaattt!

Go get some new shoes... (wish someone would say that to me!!!)

[Charlene Heath - East London]

Can we see a photo of your comfy shoes?, PLEASE

[SCY]

Hahahaha! Man Flu - ooi wei... good luck with that...

[Ursula]

Tertia I simply HAVE to introduce you to Camper shoes. They are FAN-BLOODY-TASTIC!!! Expensive as hell (imported from spain - hence I can only afford two pairs a year) but funky, super dooper comfy and quite different from run-of-the-mill shoes. They're at the Camper store at the V@A.

[Becky]

Glad to hear you're feeling better!! What a bummer about the "sensible" shoes though!
:) Becky
http://www.stinkylemsky.typepad.com/

[Simonne]

Wobs - go get some new shoes :-)

[Wobs]

Thanks Simonne - wanna meet me at the V&A and we can go to that Camper store?? ;)

[Simonne]

*Blissful sigh* Camper rocks ... I have gooooood Camper sneakers.