Why you should never drive drunk on the Internet

(Thank you, dear Internets, for your kind words about my puppy. As I said, it helps a great deal to know she didn’t suffer.)

It’s odd. One would think that after so many years of consistent dedication to the cause, I would have built up some sort of tolerance to wine, but I remain distinctly lightweight. By the time I have reached my glass and a half nightly allocation, I am deliciously merry. Sounds fabulous, cheap date and all that, but it can be particularly dangerous if one is scooting around the internet, emboldened and unchecked.

This morning my phone rang at 4:30am. It was Rose, just double checking which airline I had booked her on. Why was she at the airport at 4:30am? Because I had booked her flight online whilst deep into my glass and a half and somehow (I am still convinced it was a system error) I picked the 05:45am flight instead of the midday flight.

When I realized the error with horror, I called the call centre (a sobering experience) and tried to get it changed. They wanted to charge me a cancellation fee. I protested that I had JUST made the booking and because of THEIR faulty online system, the flight had been booked for the wrong time but they wouldn’t budge. Assholes. So as a matter of principle, I refused to pay the fee and left the flight as is. Rose was only too happy as it meant extra holiday time for her. And of course I was duly punished by getting a wake up call at 4:30am to confirm the airline. (Tip for Rose: Check the flight details I printed out for you!!)

The second error occurred a while ago, but I don’t like to talk about it much. Especially not in front of my husband who is convinced that my money management skills are equivalent to a toddler’s sense of impulse control. It too happened after a glass and a half of delicious Chardonnay and could quite possibly be attributed to a design flaw in the user interface of the online banking system.

It happened when I was paying my bills online. My Woollies account to be precise. Instead of opting to pay R1000 on my account, someone an extra zero crept in and before I knew it (after hitting ‘next’, ‘confirm’, ‘next’, ‘yeth, I’m sure’), I had paid R10,000 into my Woollies account. Clearly a bug in the system. Stupid developers.

Again, it had an instant sobering effect. And again, I got absolutely no joy from the misleadingly named “customer service” centre. Apparently Woollies are far more enthusiastic about accepting one’s payment than they are about refunding excess funds. I eventually decided to give up trying as I was very likely to plough my way through that extra amount in a very short space of time. That’s the part I don’t like to tell my husband.

There was a third incident, but for the life of me, I can’t remember.

What has thrown me off the reminiscing is that I have just got my beta back. 1213. It was 532 last Monday, 630 on Wed, 618 on Friday and 1213 today. Spot the error. I am so cross. Stupid stupid bloody miscarriage. Should have known better than to expect my body to take care of it naturally.

The doctor said it could be a blighted ovum, which is French for Fucking Irritating. I am to go for a scan in about a week’s time to see whether things have progressed (progressed? Regressed? Digressed? Suppressed?) naturally or whether we have to move to Plan F (F for Fucking HURRY UP).

No wonder I drink.

On a brighter note, I am going on holiday tomorrow!!!!! I am SO excited. Apparently the weather is going to be crappy but I don’t even care! I AM GOING ON HOLIDAY!!  Woooo hoooo!

Comments

[Bianca W]

Tertia - am I TOTALLY grasping at straws but, could there be a baby in there? I (sorry - you can hate me with every fibre of your being. I would!) am not an infertle, so know very little about beta's, bloods, hormones and the like.

I also love the Chardonnay - isnt it just lovely stuff!

Enjoy your holiday - you and Marko really deserve a break.

B

[Amy]

Never ceases to amaze me. The girls at work, in huge numbers invariably are seen whispering in the halls looking like deer caught in the headlights. They are shocked to find themselves pregnant. They talk about it incessantly, right from the beginning and 8 1/2 months of complaining later deliver a healthy full term baby.

[Melanie]

Enjoy your holiday Tertia. Relax and dont forget to pack the Chardonnay.

[kirstyphysio]

You know how the saying goes - if you want to fall pregnant, book a holiday!! Because - sods law says that you will then fall pregnant and thus it will stuff up your holiday!!
Looks like sods a winner in this case??!!

[BrooklynGirl]

It's enough to make me drink, God knows.

[Chickenpig]

I hate to say I told you this could happen. Don't write off that embryo and drink too much wine just yet! My crazy embryo that was supposed to be an ectopic, and then was supposed to fade away, is now chugging along happily at 24 weeks. Whatever this thing is I hope it grows or does something a little more predictable soon. The hoping while trying not to hope is a killer!

[Amy]

While drinking wine (probably more than a glass and a half), I accidentally paid a credit card company $60,000 rather than $600. Sadly, I did not have $60,000 in my checking account. When I realized the error and called the credit card company to tell them to please ignore the check that was already on the way, all I heard was hysterical laughter in the background. Then they charged me a bounced check fee.

[tess]

loving loving loving your french.

and maybe before heading off on hols..you should run off to woollies and get some holiday musts?

smooches to you.

[K]

Thank g-d Woolies stocks Chardonnay :-)

[Stefanie]

Maybe you were pregnant with twins and lost 1??? Just maybe. Holding out hope for you.

[Andria]

Have a great holiday!

[Lindsay]

Oh, how you need a holiday! Take many cases of wine with, drink for me- missing a glass so much but grateful and happy to be pregnant!! Enjoy the time off and enjoy your husband and children.

[Laura fro Ga]

I hope you have a wonderful holiday...you certainly deserve it! Enjoy!

[Bump Fairy]

Or...... it could be the twin that was missed on the ultrasound.... you lost one, numbers took a dip, number two is making up for lost time......

Just a thought.....smooches!

[Melissia]

While it is likely a blighted ovum, hope can be a bitch can't it? Here is hoping that what ever your wishes are that they come true and that you have a lovely holiday.
Melissia

[Katie]

I too am holding out hope for a twin that was not seen in scan 1 and is now thriving! It has been known to happen. I am crossing everything that there is not an ectopic! Please keep us updated!

[Liz]

Please do be careful and mindful of any pains you might have. I am no doctor, but I say go in sooner to make sure there is not an ectopic in there. Holding out hope for you, but please be careful!

[Shannon]

I hate the numbers game. I love the holiday. Enjoy.

[Irene]

I didn't respond to your earlier post because I am still keeping my fingers crossed for you. I was told my sac was empty (right before my holiday) and I'm now 29 weeks. Like chickenpig said, the hoping while trying not to hope is tough. But here's wishing that you have an enjoyable holiday nevertheless!

[Pat]

I have been so worried about offending that I have kept my optimistic mouth shut.... and will continue to do so for now.

[Alex]

Oh, Tertia, I'm sorry. Unlike some commenters, I cannot work out a way that 600 on 4/18 and 1200 on 4/24 involves a healthy pregnancy, so here's hoping things resolve quickly and safely for you. Not that I wouldn't love to be wrong about how that math goes, but I just cannot see it if I am.

Yeah, my hubby once paid his credit card bill twice -- or four times? -- over, by clicking "OK" (or was that "yeth") too often. It happens...

[kathleen999]

While unlikely, it is possible that there is a healthy one in there. Because you know how us older girls sometimes ovulate twice. A friend of mine did it the day before her period was supposed to start...and her thermometer showed she had already ovulated mid-cycle...but had no sex until the day before her period. It happens. And a later one would not be getting going with the numbers as fast as the first one.

I know it's unlikely, but it's possible. I think if anyone were to have an unlikely thing happen, it would be YOU!!

Hoping I haven't offended...wishing only the best for your G&D self and above all...have a lovely holiday!! XOXO

[Adi]

Enjoy the woolies shopping! And the drinking!!! We're also going on a brief holiday, to the middle of nowhere :) if only we were immeasurably rich to be on holiday all the time, sigh.

[jette]

the same thing happened to us just this week while booking plane tickets online with one of our SA airlines....flight time changed to some ridiculous time that we would never have chosen.. hmm.....

[Sue at eLuckypacket]

Oh Tertia. So sorry you're having such a nasty run of things.