Things have been fairly interesting of late. Let me back track to two weeks ago. I had been suffering from a pain in my left ovary that had gone from slightly worrying to ‘omg I am going to die’. Which is my world takes anywhere between two weeks and two seconds.
So, on what was CD66 of my cycle (don’t you just love those PCOS cycles), I took myself off to the doctor to have a scan of my bits. After much poking and prodding, the doctor declared that it didn’t appear to be anything more ominous than a bit of blocked bowel. In other words, I was literally and figuratively ‘full of shit’. She prescribed a suppository to get things going and asked whether I wanted to have a ‘peace of mind’ CA125 test. To rule out the ‘omg I am going to die’ factor. I said yes please. And because once an addict, always an addict, I decided to throw in a little progesterone test along the way.
The results came back that I wasn’t dying and that I had indeed ovulated. (prog = 42) Surprise surprise. By this time the ovary pain had subsided as had my obsessing.
That was that until this weekend, when the thought occurred to me that if I had ovulated, then I should have had my period by now. Which got me thinking. What if. Surely not! It can’t be! But what if!
After 456,000 conversations in my head, I decided to email the divine Dr H to ask him whether a progesterone count of 42 always indicated ovulation and if ovulation had occurred, whether one’s period should arrive 14 days later and whether it was scientifically possible that maybe I could be pregnant. Hypothetically and scientifically speaking, of course.
He came back with “go get a blood test:
To which I replied, “don’t be silly, I am infertile”. What a terrible waste of money.
This was on Monday. By Monday afternoon, which was also a rather impressive CD79, I was driving myself crazy. So I bought a HPT. Which came up immediately with two lines. PREGNANT! What the fucking fuck. How could this happen. I sent the divine Dr H a text message to tell him. To which he replied, “go get a blood test”. This time I complied.
I got the results back on Tuesday morning. Beta = 532, prog = 32. Which could have meant (a) I am pregnant (b) I was pregnant, but am now miscarrying or (c) Ectopic. The only way to know would be to do another test 48 hours later.
I was scared, happy, sad, nervous, freaked out. Marko’s first words were “but it’s impossible”, I replied “I KNOW!!” He immediately got out his measuring tape and measured the spare room and I IM’ed Julie for an hour. We both have our different ways of coping.
I’ve spent the last two days feeling a million different emotions. At 4:30pm today, exactly 48 hours after the first blood test, I had another one taken. This time I marked it ‘urgent’. I have just got the results back.
It’s over. I am not even sure what the number was, all I heard was six hundred and something and I knew it was over. The doctor muttered something about there being a very small chance that it could work out, but I told her quite firmly “no, it’s over. I’ve done this enough times to know”. This is my sixth pregnancy. I know how these things work. (For those who don’t know how these things work, the number should have been around a 1000. 600 and something clearly isn’t anywhere close to a 1000)
My biggest fear is that it is ectopic. I will be very very cross if it is. It is one thing to get a total mindfuck with a surprise pregnancy, it is another thing to have to go through that horrible methotrexate thing again. (Methotrexate is a chemo drug that is also used for ectopic pregnancies)
“Methotrexate may cause very serious side effects. Some side effects of methotrexate may cause death. You should only use methotrexate to treat life-threatening cancer, or certain other conditions that are very severe and that cannot be treated with other medications. Talk to your doctor about the risks of taking methotrexate for your condition.”
Dr Julie assures me that her official diagnosis is “not ectopic” as my progesterone was ok. I’m holding her to it.
Back on Friday to check that the number is going down on its own (i.e. miscarrying naturally). If it goes up slightly like it did this week, then it is probably ectopic. I am going away on holiday next Friday and I REFUSE to be messing about with betas and injections. I will make them give me the metho right there and then.
Can you believe this shit!!! I have THE worst luck when it comes to reproduction.
But that’s it now. I am totally done. This has convinced me that I am done having children. I really can’t do this again. I am going on the pill. It is exactly a year ago when I had that spontaneous pregnancy and the whole thing is getting very old now. As are my eggs, as am I.
On a positive note, I got pregnant by having sex! For the second time! Which just proves my point that sex is a very dangerous thing to do and we should restrict it to once a year only. For safety’s sake.