Marko: Not a big chatter

On Monday the teacher mentioned that Thursday was baking day at school and all the kids were invited, even the Monday, Wed and Friday kids. Because I had already arranged to go to the Geek Girls lunch (which was very, very nice btw), I asked Marko to fetch them from school. First time he has done so. Which made me VERY nervous. (Anal / sensory / anxious part of me gets very nervous when things out of the ordinary happen. Must Not Deviate from The Plan. EVER.)

Because Marko had never been to the school before, I insisted we drive past the school the night before. “There is the school. This is where you park, and here is where you wait…”

I’ve been sending him reminders the whole week: Do NOT be late. Make sure you are waiting outside the gate at 12:05pm SHARP. The gates will open at 12:10pm, and you need to be right there, among the first to enter the school. (All the kids wait on their chairs for their moms or dads to fetch them, and it is very distressing for them if their moms are late) I told the kids in the morning that their dad was going to fetch them and how exciting it would be.

I reminded him via email, text message and telephone. I called him on the way there to make sure he was on his way (Oh my word, I am VERY painful). Totally unnecessary of course, as Marko is exceptionally reliable and as anal punctual as I am. I told him to call me once he had dropped them off at home to let me know how it went.

And I waited, and waited and eventually at 2, I couldn’t stand it anymore. I called him, “so! How did it go!” Fine, he says. “Well, what did they say? Were they excited? How did it go?” It went fine, he replies. 

FINE? Fine? It is like getting blood out of a bloody stone! I want to know everything. What he thought, how he felt, what he thought of the school, what he thought of the other mothers, what the teacher said, what the kids said, how they were….. It’s a big thing after all! The first time he has fetched his little babies from SCHOOL! “Fine, everything was fine.”

Aarrgghh! It is amazing how something can be so significant to me and so run of the mill to Marko. And how he is SO bad with telling me stuff. I have to DRAG things out of him. How was your day? ‘Fine’. What did they say at work about XYZ? ‘Not much’. 

You know, I am not expecting a 1000 word essay here, but you know, give me something! A few adjectives and a sentence with more than two words would be nice.

(If it was me, I would have set the scene, included various descriptions of how I was feeling, how the kids reacted, what they said, who was crying, if anyone, what I thought of the teacher, the school, what time I arrived, who I spoke to etc etc etc. I also probably would have been able to give a brief bio of at least 8 moms, including how many children they have, ages, what they do, how long they have been married, what their husbands do, where they went to school etc.) 

Can you imagine if Marko had a blog! “The kids went to school for the first time today.  It went fine. The end”

Men! Can’t live with them, can’t kill the little bastards without getting jail time.

Comments

[Amy]

I so hear you. I can talk about my day for at least half an hour. Hubby? "It was ok".

[Orange]

Tertia, you are killing me with your insanity. And you call Marko Captain Analtyn? You're, like, Supreme High Commander Compulsiveberg-Analtyn. I want you to chill out because you're stressing me out!

Let me ask you this: What would happen if Marko arrived at the gate at 12:10? What if he didn't know exactly where to park? My hunch: He'd have picked up the kids, and from the kids' standpoint, it would've been exactly as Marko described it: "Fine." No tragedy, no horror. I promise.

[Julia]

Tertia, I think that this is definitely a male thing. They just don't do details. I feel it with you though...
The other day my husband went to visit one of his old buddies. The guys wife had just had a baby. So he comes home and tells me that so and so's wife had a baby. I ask him if it was a boy or a girl/what is the baby's name/birth weight etc. He looked at me blankly and remarked that he had congratulated them but had forgotten to ask. Can you believe that? He didn't even know if it was a boy or a girl. I didn't bother to ask anything further.

[Tertia]

DO YOU THINK IT IS EASY BEING THIS FUCKING UPTIGHT???

I know, I know. I exhaust myself.

I really am trying though.

[beck]

ROFL. I have a Marko as well... =) At least we can take comfort in the fact that if and when they do decide to "open up" and use, oh, say FIVE words instead of two we'll most likely be the ones to hear it because we live in the same house and therefore are in close proximity.

[cindarella]

T - you summed it up in one, plain and simple word ... MEN !!!

[Lisa]

My boyfriend and I are the same. I feel like every night is a game of 20 questions, I say things like "Tell me about your day," and he say, "Long," or "Tiring" or "Productive." And nothing more! And then I have to pry any interesting details out of him. Annoying!

[Veronica]

Mine is exactly the same, it's as bad as pulling teeth, trying to get info out of him!

[Bev]

I had to nod in agreement with your post today. Every year there is a parents meeting (for each grade) and I have to give my DH a gold star - because every year he goes with me, to every parent meeting for each child. I'm there with a notepad and pen - waiting to furiously write down all the info while he just sits there smiling at me because he thinks I'm a geek! He says I should be working for SARS...

[Marius]

Since I am a male I will rather say nothing ... that is just the way we are!!!

[Ute]

*LOL* So I guess this is why you have a blog while Marko hasn't. ;-)

Not much of a consolation, but my husband's just the same. He's taken our daughter with him to southern Germany for the weekend while I stay here with our son. I'm willing to bet my last shirt (well, blouse in this case) that "Fine" will be his only comment too when they return on Sunday. But quite honestly: As long as they're alive and kicking I don't really mind.

[Stefanie]

T - they're all like that! You have to ask very specific questions, or you're only going to get "fine."

[Em]

Am I really the only one who is the exact opposite? My husband verbalizes every thought that passes through his head. I like to think about things sometimes instead of (or at least before) discussing it. That drives him crazy. I also sometimes forget to pass along things that evidently, he has some interest in, like my aunt and uncle divorcing. It didn't come up.

My husband is in a very male dominated field and I tell him all the time they are like a bunch of chicks. They talk ALL the time. DH comes home with everyone's stories (that I get to hear), who said what that offended someone, who feels like their wife doesn't like them anymore, who is worried about their kids in school. Who needs girlfriends?

[Wyliekat]

First, let me say that this turn of phrase:

blood out of a bloody stone

Gave me a lovely morning giggle.

That said, you've my sympathies. Nothing more irritating in the world than someone who won't write the story of such incidents for you. It leaves a blank spot. You'll never know the nuances of how that pick up went.

And he'll never get why that irks.

;-}

[Dana]

I guess it is a male thing... Your story made me remind my husband's phone conversations. Sometimes he is talking for 20 minutes with someone I know, laughing and asking interesting questions (with what I assume interesting answers); when I ask him “what did they/him tell you?” he says “nothing, they are fine” and grabs the remote control (that is a sign that the conversation is over). If I start with specifics, he may answer them but around the third question, he is so obviously irritated that I give up…

[Rosie]

I agree with Orange... and everyone else. I get stressed when our routine is broken. I start thinking about all the what ifs. What would never happen, but maybe, since I'm not there to keep the cosmos in order probably, maybe, most likely might possibly happen. Hubby has told me (quite rightly) that I have to give him space to build a relationship of his own with our kids. They have to learn how to work both of us ;).

Like you I tend to want a lot more information that Jack is capable of offering up. He sees his objective - Pick up kids. He makes a plan - Park car. Pick up kids. He sees success - Kids in possession. He sees they're not bloody and assumes all is well, and then is entirely confused when I ask him if Amelia was sitting next to Brodie or Lynn Mary. "Some kid," he'll offer with a shrug. It's frustrating because if it's Brodie then it means that Lynn Mary did NOT share her cookies like she promised and AMelia's psyche is in danger from rejection... ;)

[SCY]

Hahaha, this is SO true! It was perfectly described in Defending the Caveman - men are hunters - eyes on the prize and focused and women - we are the gatherers - needing lots of details and setting the scene and multitasking :) In other words - WE ROCK!

[One of Two Mommies]

Believe me, it's not just husbands, my wife is like that. She'll have a 30 minute phone conversation with a mutual friend where she obviously got some big news and then when she hangs up she starts flipping TV channels. I'll stare at her and wait until I get a "huh? What?" "What's the bloody news!" I yell. "Oh right, so and so are moving/in love/got new jobs/discovered a cure for cancer, etc". How irritating.

On a personal note guess what - I'm pregnant again! I guess IVF does work every once in a while (like attempt #14 and 15). I think we're going to be very busy in this house considering our daughter is only 9 months old at this point. We might be INSANELY busy seeing as I go for an ultrasound in 2 weeks to determine if one or two embryos implanted. Yikes!

[Kelly]

Oh Tertia, please tell me that you really aren't that anal. If I was Marko, I wouldn't want to tell you anything either. LOL

[Nicole]

Hilarious! I have the exact same prob w/my man. In fact, one time I made the mistake of sending him to a parent/teacher conference. HUGE mistake! Took me months to figure out what was actually going on at school. However, that may have been his sly way to weasel out of ever being sent to p/t conf's again. Maybe he's brighter than I give him credit for!

[Pam]

It's definitely a guy thing. If I were to give all that extra stuff in a story he'd tell me it was minutia and he didn't need to, just get to the point.

[jen w]

Wow, I can't imagine being so anxious. I think my husband would go crazy if he had to tell me all that stuff! It is just preschool...

[kristylynne]

Years ago, my best friends and I formed a secret club called the Nosy People's Authority (NPA), under the auspices of which we are authorized to find out everything we want about everyone we know. Therefore, we have found it very painful that our husbands cannot give details on the simplest of human interactions. To wit: the other day my friend's husband ran into my ex-boyfriend in a guitar store. Naturally, my friend pumped her husband for information about my ex. His response: "He said he still jams." WHHAAAAA? Is he married? Does he have a girlfriend? Kids? Job? He had no idea.

Hmph. Men.

[birdie]

LOL. This post is so hilarious that I am sitting at my desk laughing like an idiot while my co-workers shoot me dirty looks. I think the reason I find it so amusing is that I am the same way. Too funny.

[Sue]

It's totally a guy thing. Emailed a friend that I've known for years after his sister told me he had a new girlfriend. Asked all the usual questions about how did he meet her, what does she do, yadda, yadda, yadda.

His response, no kidding, "Her name is Sally. She's very nice." That's it. Nothing else. Nadda.

[D]

Phew. I wouldn't tell you anything if I were Marko either. A sentence or a novel, none of it would be good enough.

[julie]

i think this is a variation of the advance retreat game. It is a dualistic dance that appears in relationships. I think the secret is to somehow transcend the roles of the advancer and the retreater. I have noticed that it also works in ways like the woman playing the role of being emotional for the whole relationship. I definitely think working on our own sense of wholeness helps our partner come to their own sense of wholeness. It is a funny dance for sure!

[Amber]

Poor Marko. the grief he must take on a daily basis. You must be really good in bed. :) Love ya girl!

['wishIknew']

Tertia,

You are too funny! Marko reminds me a bit of my father.
My sister's friends nicknamed him "Mr. Detail" tongue-in-cheek. My sister lived in San Jose near San Francisco and there was a pretty big earthquake out there. It was hard to get through on the phones so her friends called my parents to see if they had heard anything. They had heard from my sister. She had some broken bottles and glass and was shakin' up a bit but was fine. My father answered the phone to an anxious friend and when asked how my sister was he said one word, "Fine." I think that's when they named him "Mr. Detail"...

[Meg]

Good heavens, it's another post that makes me think my boyfriend has a secret life in South Africa.

[Billie]

Sounds just like John and I!!! Very funny.