I must say that the Cipramil seems to be doing an excellent job on my anxiety levels. I didn’t like the pill in the beginning, it took me ages to adjust to the medication and for a long while I thought nothing would ever work. And the weight gain thing does not fill me with joy, but that being said, I have to admit the pill seems to be working. I have been feeling FAR more laid back and even-keeled the last few months. It’s really nice. I don’t feel spaced out, but I also don’t feel jumpy and hyper. One could even go so far as to say I feel ‘normal’. Whatever that is.
So when I started to feel really anxious these past few days my first reaction was ‘what the fuck is going on? Stupid *(^ing pills are not working’, but then I remembered that ‘normal’ people do have anxious moments and I have a BIG week ahead of me and so it is fine to feel anxious.
And I am feeling really anxious at the moment. It is a combination of things. I have my annual work review tomorrow, my first one with IBM and I am not quite sure what to expect. I am sure it will all be fine but I hate that type of thing. Then, I got told on Friday that I have to travel for work for two days, leaving on Tuesday. Which means a night away from the kids (which always stresses me out) and which means the kids miss the first day at school. So now I wonder whether I should send them on Friday, or leave it till Monday? What do you think?
And I know I am being an over protective, paranoid, neurotic mother, but I am really, really bloody nervous about the school thing. I have no doubt that the teacher is fantastic and the school is wonderful, but I am shitting myself about leaving them in a new place, on their own. But OF COURSE I can’t let them sense my fear or else they will be fearful themselves, I know that. I know billions of parents do it all the time, I know they will be fine, I know they will even love it. I know all of that, but I still can’t help feeling EXTREMELY anxious about it.
I wish I could live on an island somewhere. Where Marko could go fish for supper and the kids and I could spend all day together, gathering nuts or something. I am sure they don’t have annual performance reviews on an island.