I’ve just read the most marvelous book entitled “Knock Yourself Up: A Tell-All Guide to Becoming a Single Mom” by Louise Sloan. It is a fabulous book and an absolute Must Read for anyone who is thinking about becoming a single mom.
“Knock Yourself Up features Louise’s own hilarious and heart-warming story, plus the experiences of other women from all over the U.S. who decided they wouldn’t let being single stand in the way of creating a family. This entertaining and informative book is required reading for any single woman over 30 who thinks she might want kids someday.”
Many single moms by choice (SMC) have to do some type of assisted reproductive procedure, so I could relate to some of that. I loved this book so much, and by the end of it I loved Louise too. She is really funny. I’ve been emailing back and forth with her*. V G&D. Such a fabulous insight into this world.
A friend of mine has three children, the first one she raised as a single mom for 6 years until she met her current husband. She says that while there are definite pluses to raising children when in a committed relationship, the six years she spent as a single mom to her son were some of the best times of her life. Even though she battled financially, and had some tough times, there were so many golden moments when it was just the two of them. Louise speaks about that too, and in a way, I am a little envious of that. I wouldn’t give up my husband for the world (ok, so maybe I would consider offers between 500k-1m USD), but sometimes I do fantasize about what it would be like. To be on my own with the kids. Sounds terribly disloyal doesn’t it. I only really have these thoughts when he is being an absolute asshole and it is either leave him or kill him. The thought of never having to share or compromise on the parenting thing does sound rather delicious. Plus as Louise and my friend say, if there is no partner, there is no opportunity for that age old resentment about who does more or whose turn it is; it is always your turn. Which is exactly why being a single mom is both wonderful and exhausting at the same time.
I would love to hear some thoughts from my SMC friends out there. Especially those who have done both, been in a relationship and done the single mother thing. What has your experience been like? What advice would you give to others? What about those who are choosing to wait for “Mr or Ms Right” before having children? Why aren’t you pursuing single motherhood? V interested to hear your thoughts on this. (BTW, I have two SMC friends who have twins! Now THAT is a tough job.)
*Louise told me that she received a stack of hate mail from some people, so I asked her why:
"Oh, because I'm a selfish, man-hating, fatherhood-bashing monstrosity who didn't give a moment's thought to how my choice might affect my child, I was too busy thinking about me, me, me; in fact I had him as a lifestyle accessory, like an expensive purse or an espresso maker. "
Can you actually believe there are people like that out there! Stupid assholes. I couldn't believe it. But she says that 99% of the feedback has been amazingly positive and I can understand why. Really divine book. For SMC or for anyone else.