A few weeks back I took Adam to have his hearing tested. Apparently it’s standard procedure after the grommets (tubes) operation. The hearing test involved him sitting on my lap between two big speakers in a tiny dark room. The tester would ask him to look at her, and then she played a sound from each speaker, observing whether Adam turned towards the sound. The first sounds were fairly loud and each time he turned his head appropriately. I was secretly v relieved because you know me, paranoid that something might go wrong.
The sounds slowly got softer, and he still kept turning his head towards the speakers.
Thank goodness! I thought. He is not deaf.
And then my heart sank. We sat in there in the dark silence, and after each pause, he continued to turn his head from side to side. OMG! I thought, the child is deaf! He is just randomly turning his head from side to side.
Just then the tester's voice piped over the speaker “that’s it, we are done. His hearing is perfect”
“Perfect?” I exclaimed. “How can it be perfect? He kept turning his head from side to side?”
“No, he only turned his head when I played a sound. The sounds got softer and softer towards the end and he heard every one of them”.
It is me!! I am deaf!!! I didn’t hear a bloody thing towards the end!! Not only do I have big ears, but I have deaf ears!!
I am laughing now, but I must be honest, it is worrying me. Because, as you know, that is what I do. Worry. I’ve been kind of putting off doing anything about it and then yesterday I found out it was Deaf Awareness Week last week. Of course I missed it because not only am I deaf, I am also apparently a bit thick.
I’ve decided I am going to have my hearing tested. Soon! Next week in fact. If I am a little hard of hearing, then I might as well face up to the fact and put in the order for my hearing aid at the same time as I order my walking stick and false teeth. It is obviously all downhill from here. Hey, at least I have perky boobs.
Now speak up, I can’t hear a damn thing you are saying.