Us Loebenbergs love a bargain. There is something about a sale that attracts us like moths to a flame. My cupboards are full of BUY ONE / GET ONE FREE specials that I will never use. I have so many clothes hanging in my cupboard that I will never wear, but it doesn’t matter – it was SLASHED TO 50% SALE!! A bargain!! Like other people dream of sex; I dream of Sales.
When the Woollies sale comes around, excitement nears fever pitch. Sister Mel and I strategize weeks in advance and we have an advanced two-way communications systems set up where by we can attack two stores at once, keeping in constant contact while we uncover FABULOUS FINDS.
“I have two sets of age 3-4 PJ’s in my hand, what have you got”
Woolies, the store we like to call ‘home’, is busy with their sale at the moment. Now, you don’t just go to Woolies and buy willy nilly. No, you need to strategize. Stake things out. Know that on Wednesdays, the next 25% comes off. Buy too soon, and you will pay. Buy too late, and it will be gone. It is a skill that takes years to master, but once perfected, will reward you many times over.
However, as good as Sister Mel and I are, my mother shows that nothing beats experience. This year my mother took the crown. She found a bargain so fabulous, that it will be forever written into the annals as BEST BARGAIN BUY OF THE CENTURY.
Last Wednesday everything was reduced by a further 60%. Things were so disgustingly cheap, it was almost obscene. Of course by this time, most of the good shit is gone and all that is left is size 0’s and size 100’s. But hidden away among the size XXL maroon high-waisted regular fit corduroys and the 32AAA lacy bras in leopard print and lime green trim was Rupert.
Somehow the planets aligned in such a way that this life-sized, one of a kind Teddy Bear that was R1500 (a ridiculous price to pay for anything, never mind a teddy bear) was reduced to THREE HUNDRED AND SEVENTY FIVE RONT!!!
My mother said that she started running, in slow motion towards the bear while Chariots of Fire started playing in the background; launching herself in the air to cover the last few meters as she grabbed on Rupert; snarling at the other shoppers to BACK OFF, HE’S MINE. Bystanders were pea green with envy when they realized they had slipped up. My mother wrestled Rupert into her shopping cart, held her head up high and strode out of there; exhausted but victorious.
There are few things as rewarding in life as being the one to claim the coveted prize of BEST BARGAIN BUY OF THE CENTURY and it is without doubt that my mother wins this prize. I am not sure anything will ever compare to the find that is Rupert.
Rupert, we love you.
Even Pops loves Rupert