Not sure if I've mentioned this before, but I am not a big movie / DVD watcher. The thought of sitting still for two hours is not in the slightest bit appealing. I find movies a complete waste of time, a fact that other people (Marko and my mother) seem to find quite odd.
I also don't like watching TV. There are a million other things I would rather be doing than watching TV (like writing / reading / surfing the net). I do watch sport occasionally (cricket, yay!), as I prefer that to any movie (especially when we beat those bloody Aussies), but then I will usually be doing something at the same time like folding laundry etc.
There are however, two shows that I do watch on TV. Desperate Housewives (that plumber chap is Seriously Fucking Gorgeous. Want to know my ‘type’? Him.) and Survivor. I love Survivor and at the moment we have Survivor Fest - both the local version and the American version on at the same time.
Last night Marko and I were watching the local version and Marko was getting completely worked up about how some of the people were lazing about, doing nothing, and how they had the audacity to complain about the ones who were working and how if he was on the team, he would have blah blah fishpaste. Half the fun of watching Survivor is seeing how pissed off Marko gets with the contestants.
If Marko was on Survivor, he would get voted out at the first tribal council. He would NEVER be able to keep his cool in a game like that. He would be telling half the people to fuck off and punching the other half in the face.
Me, however, I would totally rock at the social aspect of Survivor. I would play the relationships to my advantage and maneuver my way to the final three.
Which is an absolutely moot point because I wouldn't last longer than one week on that island. Firstly, I am not at my best when I am hungry. Which is putting it very politely. Secondly, I don't do that whole 'nature' thing very well. The insects! The dirt! Everywhere! Even under their fingernails! Plus I am not exactly what one would call ‘sporty’. ‘Useless’ might be a more appropriate description of my physical prowess.
But the biggest reason why I would never make it on Survivor is the poop factor. I can barely poop in a public bathroom and now I am expected to poop behind a bush, a few feet away from my fellow tribe mates, using a few leaves as T paper? No, I would spend the entire 37 days too petrified to poop and would eventually explode from pent up poop. Which wouldn’t exactly endear to the members of my strategic alliance, no matter how well I played the game.
I do however, have the fake boobs. Which according to statistics does give one a pretty good chance of at least making it past the first few rounds of elimination. No pun intended.
Now, if we combine Marko’s powerful physical abilities and lack of poop-fear with my fake boobs and brilliant social skills, I think we would have a pretty good shot of winning the million bucks.
Outwit, Outplay, Outpoop. There can only be one Sole Survivor.
How do you think you would do on Survivor? Think you'd make it?