Update from the egg donor

In reference to the original note from the egg donor, a follow up.

Hi, Tertia,

Here's the update. Last week, after reading all the comments from your readers (two or three times), I emailed the clinic. I very apologetically told them basically the same thing I told you. I said I had agreed so quickly because I really cared about the recipients and their desire to have a family, but after a week of considering it and being full of anxiety, I knew that I was  mentally and physically incapable of enduring another cycle. I said I really struggled to decide this, that I knew it would cause a lot of heartache, but I felt that I should back out.

They didn't contact me for 4 days. Then today, they called. They talked to the recipient family this morning. The recipients said that it was perfectly ok to back out, that it was a long shot anyway, that I was a wonderful human being, that every day they thought of the wonderful gift I'd given them, and that having an only child was perfectly ok. 

I cried with relief. I would have been relieved to not do this cycle no matter what, but knowing that I hadn't completely crushed a family I've never met but still care about makes me feel much better. I am so appreciative of all the comments from everyone on all sides. That was a great help to me as I tried to make this decision. Thank you so much for sharing my dilemma with them.

p.s. As of today, my profile has been officially retired at the clinic, so I won't be getting myself into a situation like this again.

Comments

[Katerina]

Thanks for the update. Egg Donor, I know you know it already, but for what it's worth, I think you did the right thing. All the best, Katerina.

[jodie]

I'm so happy for you, Egg Donor. You approached this in such a caring, mature way and it sounds like the family you donated to are just wonderful.

You should know by the way you are feeling now, having made the decision, that you absolutely did the right thing.

[Andrea]

Whatever your name is, I wish there were more people like you: considerate, caring and honest. Nobody could ask for anything more.

[Ruth]

you deserve a medal for going through it beforehand, i cannot fathom the heartstrength needed to donate in this way. maybe because i lost three babies, i cant imagine being 'big' enough to donate - i dont know. bless you for caring so much about the needs of others. grandes bisous. xxx

[tess]

i ((HEART)) happy endings. this recipient family sounds so classy and warmhearted and full of love. what joy you have given them and how generous their response. thank you for the update!

[wishIknew]

Ditto what Tess said - she said it so well.
Egg Donor, I'm wishing you all the best now and in the future.

[goodsandwich]

You know it's so easy to get attached to all these people I will never meet - your ED friend, the couple she helped to their longed-for child. I wish all of them the best, and am inspired by the compassion and generosity of all the parties involved, from the donation that made the child all the way through their graciousness when she needed to refuse their request.

[Ute]

I'm glad it all turned out OK. :o)

[Emma in Amsterdam]

That made me cry. For you, and for the family that was kind and strong enough to react this way.

[Sister Mel]

I am glad for all of you it has turned out this way. We so often hear the bad stories so its good to hear the good ones too. You are a gracious and caring person and they sound like a wonderful family. An absence of peace normally means we are not making the right descision.

[kay]

God bless all involved.

[Jen]

So, so pleased ED has had these gracious people realise her generosity, and allow her to retire with good feelings. Thanks for updating us, Tertia. I was worried about ED and hoped she'd be okay. ED, take care of yourself, and good luck with getting your life on track to happiness.

[Amanda]

Dear Egg Donor, I'm so glad that you made the right decision for you, especially as the family understand your decision. You're a wonderful woman for having already helped the family's dreams come true once before. Wishing you all the best of luck and happiness!

[Suzi in NC]

Proud of E. Donor, and proud of family.

[Jan]

"The recipients said that it was perfectly ok to back out, that it was a long shot anyway, that I was a wonderful human being, that every day they thought of the wonderful gift I'd given them, and that having an only child was perfectly ok."

What a wonderfully gracious way to handle it. They sound like great people.

I'm so glad it worked out for you.

[sheilah]

This is exactly how I thought they would react. I don't often think that I used an egg donor (i love my boy so much it wouldn't matter if he came from a frog), but when I do I send a silent thank you to the wonderful woman that I will never meet or know.

[Depressionista]

Even though I was on the "go through with it" side, I'm so happy to hear that everything turned out alright. I am glad everybody is okay! It's easy to theorize what we would do, but actually being in the situation is certainly different. It sounds like Egg Donor approached the situation with so much compassion and the couple received it the same way. Glad to hear it worked out.

[TexMex]

Dear ED -- I love the grace and honestly with which you approached this and it is incredibly touching that you cared so much about the family. As one of those recipient families out there, thank you. Good luck to you on the road ahead. You have lots of good karma coming your way!

[silene]

So glad the situation has worked out for Egg Donor! She has given so much to a family who clearly appreciates her gift, and has still remained true to her own needs. Best of luck to her in the future!

[I cried, too]

It's all been said already, but I burst into (happy!) tears that everything worked out in the end. Thanks for sharing with us.

[Anna]

Oh, I'm so glad it worked out for everyone involved. Thank you for letting us know! Best wishes to you throughout your life. Please keep in mind that the gift you have given them (a child) is truly priceless, and they know it every day. :)

[Lisa]

Good for her!

[Dani]

Congratulations on coming to terms with what is best for you at this point in your life.

You are a strong person for going through the previous donations so selflessly, and for knowing when to say no. xoxo

[Suzie-Q.]

Good news story all around! Yay for Egg Donor and Yay for the graciousness of the intended recipient.

[projgen]

That's awesome.

[New Beginnings]

Thanks for the update. There's no doubt you did the right thing and it's very helpful for the community to see the egg donors perspective.