You tired of the boobs or do you want to talk about this some more?

I don’t really mind, if you promise that we won’t fight about it?

In hindsight, it was probably a mistake to respond to only one of your arguments and not the others. It was just the easiest and quickest one for me to answer. The ‘accept what God gave you’ point. Accept what God gave me? Nope, sorry. Don’t buy that one, never have. The nail polish thing was a deliberate GROSS oversimplification of the point “where and how and who draws the line as to what is accepting and not accepting”. As I said, I said it badly. That is what rushing blog posts will do. 

But there were many other very valid points you raised, points that I have answers or opinions on: 

• It’s dangerous / I could die etc 
• They will look silly / fake etc 
• People won’t respect me because I have fake boobs
• I am doing it because I am depressed (which would clearly be the wrong reason to do it)
• I am bowing into society’s negative attitude towards women’s body / aging etc
• What message will I be sending my daughter and / or son?

There were others, forgive me. I’ll look them up if you want to talk about it some more.

Wish we could do this over a glass of wine. So much easier to have an interactive conversation than me writing my bit and then you responding and me coming back to you etc etc. Not quite the same.  I am not that keen to drag it out much longer, and I must say I wonder whether we will ever come to a place of total agreement, but if you want to talk about it some more, then we can.  Let me know. 

In the meantime, let’s hope this FET works. If it doesn’t work, I promise to do some serious thinking about whether this is the right decision to make. How does that sound? Ok?

To end, I promise not to judge you if you don’t want fake boobs. I will still be your friend, whether you love silicone or not. Just because you aren’t as shallow and self-absorbed as I am, doesn’t mean we can’t still get on?

I’m just teasing of course. I’m kind of sorry I brought the boob thing up because I feel like I have really disappointed you, and I hate that. I should have thought about it properly before I spoke about it.  I’m an asshole, what can I say.

If you a happy clapping natural boob lover, say a prayer that the FET works. Then I will be too busy being paranoid about pregnancies and live babies to even THINK about new knockers. At least until the next time.

My boobs and I are going to bed. Good night all. Over n out.

Comments

[Egg Donor]

Goodnight. Sweet dreams to your and your boobs.

[Sami]

I know this sounds trite, but seriously - it's your body. My decision and feelings about this should not have an impact on you. Marko's, your family's care and concern should. Ultimately YOU need to decide what is in the best interest for you. Screw everyone else's opinions because opinions are like assholes - everyone has one. I hope the FET works for you - not because I don't want you to get new boobs, but because I want that for you... Hang in there.

[Stephanie]

Good nite. Would love to hear more if you feel like talking, mostly cause I greatly enjoy hearing about what you think- it frequently provokes me into thinking as well:-).
As far as the boobs go, I'm not sure you've "disappointed" the majority of your readers- more that we care about you! :-)

And total agreement is not necessary-it's your body! Ultimately, I see your points and agree with them- so you've got agreement from this quarter, at least :-)

[Rhonda]

I don't want fake boobs but I do want a lift-with-no-implants. and a tummy tuck. Even when I was thin, thin, thin, I didn't feel thin because when I took off my clothes I had a flabby, loose tummy and boobs that hung low. And that was before I started trying for a second. 3 short pregs (and 0 new babies) later, I have the flabby body to match the mental image I had.

So I don't judge you. Now that I am DONE with trying again, I'm going to start saving my money until I get enough to do the same as you!

[Jane]

Okay, when is the FET? I knew you were talking about doing it but I didn't catch when. Are you doing it now? What cycle day are you on?

Sorry if I missed a post about it. I just want to send good thoughts your way. I just did my FET, well, started the cycle, nothing there to finish with, so I'll live vicariously through yours.

As for the fake boobs, don't know really what to say about that. Many people get them and I guess they all have their reasons. I don't necessarily want any implants, just a lift (very saggy.) Doubt if it'll ever happen though.

[Alison]

I don't want new boobs, if anything i would get mine shrunk. I wouldn't say no to some lipo around the thighs and ass and a tummy tuck.

In the end yes you could die but then thats the risk you take with any form of anestesia. If you want new boobs go for it

[Simone]

Yes! Talk about the FET!
I am ALL BOOBED OUT.

[Liz]

Happy Mother's day. A day late on your side. ANyway, sending you good vibes and good thoughts on this FET. If you finally do decide on a boob job, we require before and after pictures. We don't take NO for an answer. ;)

[meredith]

Hi Tertia
Weighing in late on the cosmetic surgery debate. I've only skimmed over all the comments, so forgive me if it's been said before.
I was always fairly ambivalent about cosmetic surgery. Sure, some people take it WAY too far, but for others, it clearly is life-changing. My SIL, for instance, is a G-cup size and would definitely benefit from a reduction - not just for looks, but for general well-being, less backaches, etc etc.
I'm just as obsessed with looking younger than my years as the next woman, and spend a fortune on skincare. I would probably be up for non-surgical procedures as time goes on - if I could afford them. I'd certainly love to have my teeth done.
Julianne Moore made an interesting observation about plastic surgery - something on the lines of "It doesn't make people look younger, it just makes them look like they've had plastic surgery." Which I think is so true, when you look at Hollywood stars.
As for body works, well, again even though I am as dissatisfied with certain parts of my body as the next woman, I don't think I could willingly put myself under the knife to fix them up. It would have to be REALLY bad before I would (as in having to put up with size G cup size). As a former IVF patient, I do see the link you are making. I was uncomfortable with the idea of undergoing anaestetics (sp? sorry)/numerous surgeries/drugs etc etc, but at the time the ends justified the means (as it turns out, it never did work, but that's another story). But I agree in this day and age, we all feel that if we're dissatisfied with something, we have the right to change it - if we are in good health and could afford to do so, etc etc.
My MIL made the exact same comparisons before her last two procedures - "The way I see it, I colour my hair, I wear make-up, etc, so therefore this is the next step." But I really don't buy it. HOWEVER her case was very different in that her general health is very, very poor - she has major heart problems, and should never undergo surgery just for cosmetic purposes. The fact that managed to convince her specialists to give her the green light is proof of her powers of persuasion. The first procedure she had was many years ago, and that was just a minor eye thing before I knew her. Great, apparently it made her look a million times better, and it really was a minor thing. The next procedure was billed as "a little fat being removed from my chin", but it was in fact a whole lower face lift. Her recovery was very slow and painful and I was convinced she'd learned her lesson. Not so. A year later, she booked herself in for a tummy tuck. I believe the procedure almost cost her her life, not that she would ever admit it. She was in terrible pain for weeks afterwards, and the wound got infected and had to be reopened and so on. Leading up to the surgery, she managed to lose lots of weight and was looking great - why not just leave it at that? A year on, she's put all the weight back on but now it's lopsided - it just sits above her stomach. So far, she hasn't mooted going in for more procedures, but I reckon it's only a matter of time before she wants to have a boob reduction etc etc. It's the slippery slope!
Anyway my long-winded point is that I honestly do think there has to be a point in time where you accept your body and allow it to grow old gracefully. Over 50 is not a good age to be trying to turn back time with surgery.

[Flicka]

Darling, do whatever you wish to your boobs!

This has nothing to do with any recent post but are we going to hear an update about Harrison soon? I've been checking obsessively, hoping to see a post about giving him the rest of the money.

[camille]

I know I'm disappointed..... that I don't have the money to get my own boobs done. Three kids, nursed 'em all. Need I say more? Oh, sure natural is beautiful... you don't have to see me without my scaffolding... I mean underwire bra. Geez. Why is it anyone's concern what you do with your body? As far as what Kate will think - probably "nice rack".

[Christine G]

Please don't question having brought up the boobs. I think many would agree that a great part of your personality (and thus your blog) is that you can get us talking about such a wide variety of things, including such dilemmas. As for "disappointing" some - please! Sometimes reality bites. They'll get over it or move on. You are who and what you are, and I think you would disappoint a great many more if you diviated from that.

My own views on the subject is that the human immune system can "turn" at any time, and when putting foreign material into the body is something that should be considered (such as if you are prone to allergies, have any auto-immune issues or family history (certain types of arthritis, severe food or insect reactions, etc).

But if you inform yourself of all the issues and still decide to, good for you.

Needless to say, fingers crossed on a good FET for you.

[Zara]

Damn, well, I have RESPONSIBILITIES and CHILDREN who would be LEFT ALONE IF I DIED, and we're not exactly rich, but I am still planning on having a lot of cosmetic surgery done - I lost 50kg and my body deserves to look as good as I feel! I am even considering having it done in your fair country (any recommendations?)

It's your body, they're your boobs, you get to do what you want with them. To be honest I feel you have far more 'right' to cosmetic surgery than I do - I wrecked my body by eating a whole bunch in the first place! I have children and I hope all they'll take away from my experience is that I value myself to change things that make me unhappy. I've changed my life in many ways - ART, going to grad school, losing the weight - and this is another change which will make me a stronger, happier and thus better mother.

So there!

[Paige]

He Tertia,
I responded yesterday about the whole idea of acceptance and it's a point that some others raised as well, that I really don't think you grasped. I don't think I know what is right for you and I wouldn't pretend to, but I think it is so interesting the way you are approaching this whole debate and avoiding addressing what seems to me to be the main point about why are you chasing this minor improvement in the first place.

First of all, you don't have to be religious to understand this notion of accepting what we have/what God or the universe or science or whatever gave to us. Any person who lives on this earth -- HC or atheist -- has to at some point learn the art of acceptance. Otherwise, we'll die of frustration.

Now, I in no way think it is reasonable to tell an infertile to accept not having kids. No way. On the other hand, there are all sorts of more minor flaws in life that we ought to consider accepting rather than fighting. Why? Because life will never be perfect and to always seek perfection will be a tortorous task. And, because when we spend so much time chasing perfection, we often ignore the gifts we have in front of us.

This does not mean you should accept your boobs. I was just raising the point that, maybe you should. You yourself described your boobs as "perfectly in proportion, perfectly acceptable," so clearly your boob surgery would not be to correct something major (say a pancake flat cheast, or grossly oversized boobs) but to tweak something that was pretty damn good to start with. And, to do that at a time when you have so much else -- good and bad -- on your plate ... well, I was just raising the thought that maybe your already-great-but-not-quite-perfect boobs were one of the things you could put in the "accept as is" column of your life. One less thing to worry about/strive to control.

We can't fight all battles and life will never be perfect. I love your blog and have great respect for you, but honestly, it seems like ever since you fulfilled your dream of having children, you have not stopped chasing other dreams. I wonder if you enjoy the present. (I repeat, I WONDER. I am not judging, because for all I know you are as zen as they come).

I just think it is a little bit of a cop out to say, "I am not a happy clapper, therefore I don't believe in accepting things I don't like." Clearly you don't think you can control everything, do you?

And you know, I would not judge that former co-worker of yours too harshly for that insensitive comment. Some people really do accept a life without kids pretty easily. I couldn't. You couldn't, but some people face infertility and say life without kids is a perfectly acceptable option. I had a friend who started IVF and after one day of shots said, "F this. I'm getting a dog."

[Andrea]

My HC status hasn't made me anti-fake boobs. Just think there are better ways to deal with one's feelings about their personal image. Surgery is a thousand times more serious than some colored lip gloss. Beyond the emotional issues (and finding that when most women get over their emotional issues they just suddenly don't feel the need for surgery anymore), I just tend to think fake boobies look...well...fake.

My opinion. Other people's will differ.

Just make sure that you have really stepped outside of your current situation, and if the FET does not work out (but I am wishing you all the best that it does!) that you take the proper time to make sure this surgery has nothing to do with "issues" of yours, but is just a true desire. There's a reason millions more women have cosmetic surgeries than men. Our bodies are the ones targeted for their supposed imperfections. Love yourself first...then, if surgery still feels appropriate, feel good knowing you've made an informed decision.

[Rachel-G]

Hi Tertia,
I have been reading your blog since Kate and Adam were born, and as far as I can remember I have never commented. I have taken your polls and I am waiting for your book to hit the U.S.
Anyway, its been said again and again, but I have to say it: Its your body, your choice! Whether its to have a child or change the way it is now, you are in charge of it. I understand you feel connected with your readers and value our opinions, but I feel the need to make a drastic point: If many of your readers said that spanking and beating the kids was the best way to make them behave would you do it? I don't think so. Getting different points of view is great, sometimes it can make us think of things we haven't thought of before, which I am sure some of the comments have for you. But to listen to the ones that are just full of it with no real reasons to back them up (be happy with what god gave you) seems asinine to me.
Which brings me to my next point: This is your blog, you pay for it and you write it. Do not let others dictate, because of their feelings on an issue, what you write about. If they do not like what you have to say, they should learn what the little x is in the right hand corner is for and use it (at least for the PC users, I can't remember what the Mac users have to do.)
Ok, thats my two cents, I hope you have a good day and decide to do whatever is right for you.

[Shandra]

"On the other hand, there are all sorts of more minor flaws in life that we ought to consider accepting rather than fighting. Why? Because life will never be perfect and to always seek perfection will be a tortorous task. And, because when we spend so much time chasing perfection, we often ignore the gifts we have in front of us."

Yes this is exactly what I was trying to say. Thank you.

I didn't insert God into it and wouldn't 'cause I really don't think, if there is a God, she cares either way.

[jen]

Hey, you haven't disappointed me at all! I love you for who you are and how open and honest you are in this blog. You rock and never forget it! I think that anything one does to one's body ulitmately comes down to what the person living in that body wants to do with it. It isn't anyone else's decision. End of story.

[Louise M]

Have you considered having a breast lift, rather then the implants. Sometimes, that is all that is required. The muscles on the top of the breast are like an elastic, eventually there is no lift left in them and you get the sagging breast. I believe your size stays the same, but they look perky and no sagging. You could go with the tummy tuck at the same time to remove the post-twin pregnancy bulge that you hate. I also agree with the it's your body, do what you want (but I always told me daughter that a tattoo at 20 will look completely different at 60... She only has one, a frog, on her upper shoulder blades, in memory of her brother)

[Lisa S.]

Let's agree to move on... my point to you before was, "think about it." Not "don't do it," just "think about it." A note of caution from a friend inside the computer. Sounds like you are thinking about it. From here on out its all you, girl... and I will back you up whatever you choose to do.

[Heather]

Disappointed, nothin'. Your body, your choice. I still stick to my guns - if you know you're making an educated decision that you are okay with, good on ya'. I know I am one of the commenters that brought up the whole explaining it to your children thing. If you are honest with them, positively reinforcing their own healthy body image, again, good on ya'.

FET... Then Boobs. :-)

[Suzie-Q.]

When's the FET????????????????????

[jenny]

I'm not a happy-clapper natural boob lover but I will say a prayer for your FET.

[projgen]

FET? What FET? Last I remember, you brought it up as a possibility, not a definite - did I miss that conversation? When is it? When do you start? Jeez, T, you can't just drop this stuff on us. Boobs, sure, but FETs? No way! All my bits'll be crossed for you, this time.

[Franay]

I'm all about the fake boobs. I didn't have a deal going with myself about getting some if the infertility treatment didn't work or anything. Oh no. The treatment worked and I will still be getting better boobs, my tummy fixed and an eye-lift and whatever else looks good when my newest kid is a bit older. It has nothing whatsoever to do with my hubby, society or any of that drivel. I think it'd be fun to have. I have a girlfriend who wants to go in with me so it'd be like body modification day for the two of us. If I can survive a very painful C-section after 4 full days of hard contractions only to go home to a baby that had colic for 6 months and never let me sleep for more than an hour at a time I think I can handle a few surgical changes that I'll enjoy for years. Or until I have them replaced with newer models. X-D

[hornybugga]

oh god what is it ive been feeling so horny latly and i love feelin my own boobs i love it!!!
i love it when my bf licks them and plays with them

im such a horny bugga