So, about this menopause thing…

I have been putting off going for the tests. Too scared what the results might be. I did go and see a doctor someone recommended to me but it was a crappy experience. He did not listen to a word I was saying and instead kept talking about putting me on ‘the programme’. I thought to myself ‘dude, you are not listening to me, I don’t want to go on a programme, I just want to know what is going on with me’.

I eventually emailed my divine Dr H and asked him if I could go have the tests done and send the results to him. He said yes. A week later I still hadn’t done anything and on Thursday afternoon, as I drove past a clinic, I thought what the hell, let me do it now. I nearly didn’t do it because there was no parking in the shade and it was 400 million degrees outside. 

 They drew blood and said that my doctor would have the results in 2 days time.

 On Friday morning at 9 am, as I pulled into the car park of a shopping centre, Dr H called.

 He asked whether I was sitting down.

 I said yes

 He said 'you are pregnant'

 I sobbed and sobbed and sobbed. I had to hang up the phone with him. Poor guy was trying to calm me down. I was terrified. I am terrified. I was sobbing so much a woman came out of a coffee shop and gave me sugar water.

 I told a half American/South African friend of mine about the sugar water and she sent me this note: Have you ever noticed that South Africans miraculously have sugar water available for any crisis? You can be in a car accident in the middle of the Karroo (desert), and someone will appear with sugar water.

 It is ridiculous. I am embarrassed. I am infertile, how the hell could this have happened.  Marko says we should tell people it was a FET or something. 

 It is still very very early days, and as we all know, I don’t do pregnancy particularly well. This will be my fifth pregnancy. Spot the error.

 Of course I did every thing possible wrong. On Thursday, the day of the test, I had a mountain of sushi, 1.5 glasses of wine, 2x molipaxil and 1x cymbalta (AD's) and 1x sleeping tablet. Wonderful. I haven't taken any folic acid. Nothing. And on the same day, my advert for my baby seats and high chairs appeared in the classifieds.

 I have no idea when I conceived. Hell, I didn't even know I could ovulate, never mind conceive without 1x RE, 1x embryologist and thousands of dollars. All it took was 1x nagging husband. Who knew! The numbers indicate I am around 6w (beta 12532). I am on CD52 or something.

 It is still very early, and I am going to try and take it one day at a time. Impossible of course. Now that it has sunk in, I am obviously absolutely very keen that this works out. Hard not to be excited, too terrified to be hopeful that this might end up in a live baby.

 I am going for a scan at 3:30pm on Tuesday to see whether there is a live baby in there. Or live spider babies. It could be from that time when the spider laid eggs in my arse. I am feeling really sick, which does make me think the live baby scenario could be an option, but it could also be from the spider poison, or from the fact that I now have antidepressant discontinuation syndrome due the fact that I immediately stopped my AD’s. Which you aren’t supposed to do, but I figure these little spider babies have been exposed to enough chemicals up until now. I’ll deal with the flu like symptoms, heart palpitations and shocks and numbness in my hands and legs. Beautiful.

 Oh fuck what a ridiculous situation! I feel embarrassed. I know I shouldn’t, but I do. I wrote a bloody book about being infertile and I get pregnant by having SEX! It makes me feel like a fraud. Does that make sense? I feel guilty and terrible for those still trying. I know they are happy for me, but news like this will sting, no matter how much they love me.

 Who bloody knew that having sex could result in a pregnancy? SEX???? What the fuck! TOLD Marko sex was a bad idea, told him. But would he listen? Oh no.

 I thought about not saying anything until I have the first scan on Tues, but (a) it seems dishonest to have this huge news and not say anything and (ii) if the fetus/spiders is dead, me having told you isn’t going to make it any less traumatic.

 If you have a direct line to someone in power up above, please put in a request for a live baby for me. A healthy one please. I don’t think I can do another loss. I am just about all lossed-out. And if I am allowed to be a little picky, could you ask for just ONE healthy, live one? Only one please. That two thing was a little hectic. 2x two might just send me over the edge.

 BTW, Marko is still not talking to me. Only joking. He was very shocked. But he is slowly coming around to the idea. When I eventually got hold of him to tell him the news, he told me that when I was finished crying and being upset he would have to be very cross with me and would go out and buy himself something big and expensive. I didn't have the heart to tell him that I think I might actually be that 'something big and expensive'. We are both still terrified, but a glimmer of hope is starting to filter through. 

Comments

[Lonie Polony]

Best wishes to you Tertia, I hope that you and the egg are both healthy and well. I wish you a beautiful, safe, healthy and happy baby.

[Darlene]

COGRATULATIONS! The same thing happened to me, fertility twins and then a singleton, with JUST sex. I was SHOCKED! I will say prayers for you that it is a live and healthy baby. CONGRATS again, and you are not a fraud, just lucky!

[Jill]

Ohhhh girl, I am crossing all my bits for you. Thank you sharing and know that with all my might I am sending good thoughts for the scan and beyond. Well done!

[Gina]

HOLY MOLEY! I am happy for you. Sending you all my prayers and best wishes for 1 live, healthy baby. Adam and Kate will be wonderful big brother and sister. Hugs.

[Sharon]

Tertia, in your words how BLOODY FANTASTIC! I can't believe it. In fact I had to do a double check to make sure I was reading the right blog! I'll keep everything crossed and prayers too. What absolutely beautiful news-I am just stunned. Don't feel embarrassed this is great!

[JuliaKB]

So excited for you! Will keep all the bits crossed for the scan. Yay for sex-- you knew it had to be good for something, right? :)

[Jenn]

Oh wow. woooooooooooooow. wooooooooooooooooow.

I can't say much more. Except you chose a very good time of year ot have a baby ;)

[beck]

Holy CRAP, Tertia. Can't hardly believe it. Wow. Go you and Marko and go baby!

[Lisa]

HOLY SHIT, WOMAN!! Good luck tomorrow! I'll be thinking of you and keeping everything crossed.

[Mama Dramas]

Wow. Just wow.

[Chris]

All I am going to say is NBHHY and will be holding my breath for you until Tuesday!

[Louise]

Good god. Fingers are crossed for you, no losses this time!

[Amy]

OMG YOUVE BECOME THAT WOMAN! The one everyones idiot co-worker and aunt Mary harp on about! The one who just RELAXED and got pregnant. Crossing fingers and toes for one live healthy one.

[Lisa]

Oh my gosh! Wow! I had to go back and read that twice!!!

[sharah]

NO WAY! You're now your own urban legend :) Congratulations, and wishing you a safe and healthy pregnancy!

[Jodie]

Holy shit!

Sorry, nothing clever to say, but I am thrilled for you and will be hoping for all the best.

Oh, and as someone once told me - there are crack addicts out there who have healthy babies. It was early days, don't worry too much about the stuff you've done.

[another karen]

Delurking to wish you all the best!

Thanks for the smile,
Karen

[Jazz]

Jeepers Creepers Tertia! Bloody Marvellous! Today is scan day. All the best. Thinking of you tons!

[Meg]

That's just excellent! Sending positive thoughts to you and your family.

[Luann]

Oh my FUCKING God!!!!! How flippin FABULOUS!!!!! I am in complete and utter shock. After knowing you since TLOL TTC>30 this is the best news EVER!!! Note to self....become famous..THEN you can get pg naturally. ok.

[Cricket]

Floored, absolutely floored. All my best for Thursday.

[Jessica]

Holy shit!!!!!

You coulda knocked me over with a feather. Good vibes and all. NBHHY.

[Judy]

OH MY GOODNESS!!!!

Tertia, I am saying huge prayers for all of you - wow.

[Nancy]

Wow, I didn't know infertile people even had sex! Congratulations! Good news about the pregnancy too! :-D And yes, now you're a fraud, but isn't it wonderful?! Wish I could be a fraud.

[Chloe]

Your post brought tears to my eyes. My best wishes and thoughts go out to you and to Marko.