Today’s probably been my hardest
day. I think I’ve been a little numb up
until now. Actually, I’ve been surprised
at how ‘fine’ I’ve been until today. Everyone
keeps asking me how I am, and this whole week I’ve been saying “fine. I really
Today I feel not so fine. I think I overdid it a little today. I am sore. Sore and bloated. And sad. I feel sad today. Really sad. And I don’t like being sad. I’ve
did sad for a long time, I don’t want to be sad anymore.
I am angry at Marko for not
being soft enough to me. He thinks he
needs to be tough and strong so that I don’t break down. He thinks that if he shows softness it will
make it worse because I might cry. And if I cry then it’s not good. He doesn’t understand that crying is good
sometimes. And that right now I need him to be soft, not hard.
I suppose I am being
unfair. I’ve been so fine up until now,
how is he supposed to know that I don’t feel so fine now.
I don’t feel like being
fair. I am sad and angry. And he is the closest person around.
Dammit. I hate feeling like this. I think I need to go take some pain pills and
go to sleep. Hopefully I will feel
better when I wake up tomorrow.
Hopefully. I want to be fine again. I don’t like being not so fine.