Barney sex

Do you know what Barney sex is? My co-worker told me about it the other day.  Heaven knows how the subject came up. We do discuss the oddest things at work. LOVE the people I work with. They are so cool.

 We must have been talking about sex. Clearly. Or lack thereof. Or children! That’s right, we were talking about kids and how they affect your life.  Anyway, my co-worker said “the only time you can have sex with your wife when your kids are little is when you have Barney sex”.  I asked what the hell Barney sex was (too scared to even imagine what it could be – swinging from the chandeliers dressed up in a big purple suit with too-short arms?) and he replied “it is when you put a Barney video on for the kids and quickly go have sex with your partner.”  Hilarious!

 Well Marko and I had Barney sex the other day.  What a great idea! Another of those win-win-win situations.  The kids get to watch Barney, Marko gets to have sex and I get to use up another one of those bloody free passes that miraculously popped up again.  I got to my room and there was the bloody ticket neatly placed on my pillow.  I tried to tell Marko that they had expired and were no longer valid but he wouldn’t buy that.  Damn.  I am convinced Marko is printing his own Free Pass tickets.  Which is completely not allowed. It is actually fraud, which is considered a criminal event.  I am thinking of reporting him to the police.

 Mental note to self: Next time I do something as foolish as issuing a set of Free Passes – make sure I take down the serial numbers and keep a register of used tickets. 

Comments

[e]

Unless you've been handing out freebies to the man, he must be printing his own, surely? Unless you gave him a stack of them.

Never done Barney sex, chiefly I won't allow the little purple fucker into my house.

[Edna B]

I'm sure that if you reported him to the police Tertia, he might print his own get-out-of-jail-free cards too!

[Sara]

I first read that as "do you know what sex Barney is?" Rather a more difficult question than it seems at first. The name is male-ish, but he's not anatomically correct, and the color scheme has a fourth grade girl smell about it. DO you know what sex Barney is?

[Robin from TLOL]

We're a Barney-free household too.

Just wait until they're older though - they start watching longer movies ;-).

[Jade]

My husband would freak if Barney came anywhere near our house! He really, REALLY dislikes Barney! (Don't ask me why?)

At the moment we have bursts of "Donkey and Shrek!" My daughter seems to have a crush on Donkey or something, 'cos these are the ONLY movies she will watch willingly.

[Adi]

He's male, and definitely gay.

[DebiH]

And this is exactly why I wish my nearly six year old would still take naps. Yeah, he watches longer movies, but he also is an only child who seemingly needs to keep track of us all the bloody time. Enjoy it while you can because after the napping stage is over, you'll be stuck with mornings they sleep in late and early bedtimes.

Actually when I read the title "Barney Sex" I thought of a new television show we have here in the states called "How I Met Your Mother." There's a character on that show called Barney and he's legendary for having copious amounts of sex, since he's single and child-free. The bastard.

I'm also quite glad I didn't follow your lead and issue passes of my own. My husband would be using his fancy color copier at work, reprinting them, I'm sure. And he already gets it way more than any married man I know.You should start keeping better track of those things. :-)

[Chickenpig]

My twins love the Baby Einstein videos we were given as a gift, but we haven't tried "baby Einstein" sex. It wouldn't work for us, anyway, because one of the boys has the "sex sense". What? never heard of the sex sense? It's when the children that have been sleeping through the night like little angels amazingly wake up, and or fuss for no aparent reason, as soon as you and your spouse hit the sheets with the intent of making the beast with two backs. My sister says they do this to make sure you don't create any competition for their affection. Well, someone needs to tell N that we would need our RE and a couple of nurses in with us for THAT to happen....oooh, so romantic.

[Julie]

Right now I am just looking forward to the point where ANYTHING will keep my little one amused for THAT long.

We are still having shhhh-was-that-the-baby-sex.

[MsShad]

I think having Einstine Sex would be awesome. Much better than Barney Sex.

[Tamsen]

Hahah, you are cracking me up at work again.

Seriously, though, for all the downfalls of the "free passes" I am thinking that might be a cheap and easy gift for mine for Valentine's day.

[Coral]

Heard of Smartie sex? You buy the jumbo box, sprinkle it on the lawn, and run for the bedroom!

[Marc]

Can you imagine the hits you going to get from google search.
All the perverted people in the world searching google for "Barney Sex"
(actually even to scared to try to see what results it brings up)

[Summer]

When my son was 2-ish, we used "Clifford the Big Red Dog" for that purpose. Now it's Thomas and Bob the Builder.

I really feel for all those mothers who don't let their kids watch TV!

[Diana (Sweden)]

Hahah, I guess this is the rescue for parents all over the world.

[Aurelia]

Dying laughing here...this is how we were able to get pregnant after the first one came along...okay technically the doctor and the drugs and the transvag US counted too, but Barney was very important too!!!

[Becky]

Barney sex is pretty much the only sex we've had since my son was born 4 years ago! It's gotten better lately, now that he'll sit through Shrek and Cars. The sex has gotten better as his TV attention span has gotten longer. I do miss the regular sex-at-night thing, but we hope to someday not be too exhausted to do it after the little guy is in bed.

[Liz]

and make sure to put an expiration date on the ticket. hah

[abogada]

You mean he hasn't cashed all of those in yet? You need to find his stash and destroy them -- muhahaha.

[Suzie-Q.]

Sex? I don't recall that.

[Louise M]

Ok, green jelly-bean sex is the best one, you buy green jelly-beans and toss them out on the grass and let the kids find them.

[Kirsty]

I wouldn't let Barney in my house but we found Sesame Street and Thomas the Tank Engine videos very useful on occasion.

"It wouldn't work for us, anyway, because one of the boys has the "sex sense"."

We used to say that our son had "a blow job detector" - straightforward penetrative sex we could usually get away with as long as we were quiet (which you quickly learn to be once you have kids) but no matter how quiet we were being, if I started giving C. a blow job then K would wake up yelling. It was weird and kind of annoying. It's safe to say that my partner was deeply grateful when the kid grew out of that one!

[Judy]

Just wait, when they get older, you can put in epic-length movies and have a GREAT time! No rush! Purchasing "Cars" was the best thing I did this past month! WAHOO for older kids and longer movies!

[DebbieS]

::shudder:: just thinking about the theme song makes my ovaries start to shrivel!

We can get away with sex at our house as long as I remember to muffle it. ::hangs head in embarrassment:: I apparently woke up/scared the stuffing out of my DD THROUGH THE BEDROOM WALL. Oopsie. Maybe I need to put in a video for her after all, and turn the volume up.

[Foster]

One of the many funny/horrible things about growing up is learning what your parents were doing while you were busy playing.

[Heather]

I too made "free passes" for my husband. Had the same problem... Kept wondering how many of the damn things were left and where he had stashed them so I could destroy the remainders the very next time he left the house. *sigh* He used them all over the course of a year. The next time, I got smart and made them not so carte-blanche. "Good for one home-cooked breakfast featuring foods of your choice." "Good for one 20 minute back massage." Etc... Much better than the "Use your imagination to get whatever you want for any length of time you want," idea I originally had... :-)

Must remember the Barney Sex idea... ;-)

[Nickie]

No purple dinosaur here, but we do occassionally have Backyardigans sex. Works great!

[Stefanie]

Yep, when they get older and will sit through a whole movie, you can actually have sex and take a nap! LOL

[victoria]

But there is also something that really *is* (sort of) "Barney sex." That's when people dress up like huge push animals, raccoons or Pooh bears or whatever in these enormous soft costumes with strategically placed slits and, ahem, well . . . They have conventions and everything.

[victoria]

Sorry, that should have been, "people dress up like huge PLUSH animals."

[Melany aka Supermom]

I have been thinking about Barney sex myself. Think we should have to try that before we forget what sex is like all together. I'm so glad you made the mistake with the free passes. Now I can learn from it!

[Garfield]

Free Passes. Now that is a great idea. I definately have to get the wife to hand me a couple. lol.
Barney Sex, well my son loves "The Wonder Pets", so I guess its "Wonder Sex" for us. As far as making duplicate passes, if I was handed a couple and I ran out, you better believe their is going to be some forgery going on.