What? Your 12 year old doesn’t have a cell phone?

I don’t think there are any 12 year olds in South Africa who do not have a cell phone.  Exaggeration of course, but cell phone penetration in the teen market is HUGE here in South Africa. 

 For a few reasons:

 Firstly, South Africa has been an early adopter of cellular phone technology, earlier in fact that the USA.  So cell phones have been around for a long time and really are ubiquitous here. Which means that there are a large number of second hand phones to go around.  I.e. easy, cheap access to a cell phone.

 Secondly, safety is a huge issue here.  We have one of the highest crime rates in the world.  This is just our reality. There is a very strong safety incentive to giving your child a cell phone.

 Lastly, a lot of South African’s don’t have access to landlines. Cellular technology has been a major enabler for the African continent.  (Interesting aside: Apparently names like Nokia and Airtime have been increasing popular among recently born African babies)

 Bottom line – a 12 year old having a cell phone here is not uncommon.  I would give my 12 year olds* cell phones, mainly for safety reasons.  They absolutely must be able to contact me if they are in an unsafe situation. 

 There are other issues around cell phone usage among SA teens that I won’t go into here.  Too complicated, too localized. But a big issue nonetheless. (If you are giving your child a cell phone for safety reasons, they do NOT need the latest, greatest, GPRS enable phone.  Nokia and others specifically make a phone that’s just a phone. Not an Internet-enabled, chat-room facilitated, paedophile-targeted device)

 Lastly, I heard on the radio (not sure how accurate this is), that the 12 year old who made the hoax calls was only able to dial emergency numbers from his phone.  He didn’t have any airtime available to make any other calls.  Interesting huh.

 *Ah, but when do you give them the cell phone? At what age? When are they too young?  When do the safety issues become a strong enough motivation to give your child the phone?  I suppose when they start doing things further and further away from the home. Not easy. My sister says her 10 year old is too young. Maybe someone else’s 10 year old needs it. She is a SAHM, her son doesn’t have to travel on a bus or train after school.  Tricky.

Comments

[Em]

I believe there are alot of freedoms that our kids get out of necessity (being home alone, carrying cell phones, internet access, etc.) but I still think, as parents, we need to have some kind of reign on them. We still need to be peering over their shoulder somewhat even if only to make sure they aren't abusing the freedoms.

If my kids had to let themselves in after school, I wouldn't just assume everything was wonderful if I hadn't heard otherwise, I would call in the afternoon and check in, maybe have a relative or neighbor with one eye on the house. I expect internet usage to be an issue at our house - my husband and I WILL check the history and (my husband is more adept at this than me so I think it will be his job) find programs to keep the kids safe online and keep us informed.

I have to say, I prefer a simpler way but it doesn't look like we're going backward any time soon ;-) but I believe as parents, our repsonsibility grows with their freedoms.

[Chrisha]

Wow. 12 year olds with cell phones and here I don't even have one.lol! Not that I need one. Once had one and was paying a high bill each month for absolutly nothing. Never found the need for it. I'm a SAHM and rarely venture far from home.
As far as when a child should be entitled to a cell. I guess it depends on a few things. Mainly is the child mature enough to have one. Secondly,is the child in a community where safety is an issue. And thirdly are you prepared to take responsibility for your childs actions should they improperly missuse it? I know that was an issue in your last post. However,don't take me wrong. I don't think the parents should be held 100% accountable for the childs actions. But as parents we are responsible to teach our children right from wrong and as a parent,we are to be held partially accountable for certain things our children do until they are of legal adult age.
Myself,I have an almost 12 year old and he wouldn't even ask for a cell phone,much less get one. We live in a very small town,are very well know people (Hubby works with the public) and have a crime rate next to nothing. So safety around here wouldn't be an issue,atleast not right now. Bottom line here. Giving your child a cell phone is a personal choice that must be made accordingly to how you feel.

[Melissa]

Very interesting topic. I live in suburban New York. My kids are only 5 and 3 so my husband and I have some time to start debating these issues. What bothers me is what seems to be our culture's readiness to allow our children to grow up so fast. I have seen 10 year old girls with thong underwear sticking out of their jeans (on purpose). An eight year old boy with an earring and green tinted hair. At the mall right before Christmas, a father was complaining that his 11 year old really does not need a 200 dollar Coach purse. The purse was in his hands and he was on line getting ready to pay. Then why was he buying it for her? We are the adults and it is up to us to make these decisions for our children. As you said, some 10 year olds may need a cell phone. It is up to the parents to decide if they can handle it. Unfortunately, some parents can't handle making these decisions.

[Em]

Oops, you asked a specific question about when they should be allowed one. First, I know I don't have the same safety issues as you face in SA, so take it with a grain of salt but my gut reaction is "when he can pay for it and I'll STILL be checking up on him". For me, and I hope this doesn't sound like a judgement on anyone else because I do understand all situations are different but for me, if he is young enough to need to be in constant commmunication by cell phone, he is too young to go it alone. Again, I have the freedom now to drop my kids off and pick them up and have family support to do such things if I couldn't. My kids are small and its easy to say this now, I know. Even now, though, my kids don't necessarily do things "all the other kids are doing" because I'm not comfortable with it. They don't play alone outside, they don't go to friends houses without a parent. They still GO outside and visit friends but under my terms. I really have no plans to curb my controlling (when it comes to my kids) ways ;-)

I guess here, a cell is more of a privledge than a necessity and I just don't intend to hand over that much freedom carte blanche.

[Jerri Ann]

I think that a young-preteen needs a phone when they are away from home and may need to call home. Many children that age play sports and mom and dad may drop them off and depend on the other spouse to pick them up or run car pool with another parent. If there is a chance that might child might get stuck somewhere that maybe an adult forgot it was there turn to do car delivery...I'd want my kid to have a phone. Up to a certain age, my child will have supervision at practices, ball, play, dance, whatever...but at the age when it becomes necessary to do things differently..I think a phone is ok...but as you mentioned...just a plain phone, not the latest gadget out there. Just something small and easy to use and not something take away from normal activities. (I say that because my adult husband can spend hours on end playing with his phone...I don't want my children doing that).

Just my opinions!

[Andrea]

:: Approaching my soapbox :: I live in the USA, in a pretty safe neighborhood. When my children reach that age, and maybe younger, they will have a cell phone for safety reasons. I don't see harm in that. However, they will not have a computer in their room, a TV in their room, unlimited/unsupervised access to the internet, nor will they spend significant time at the homes of their friends whose parents I do not know. I cannot shield my children from the baser aspects of adult society completely or forever, but I can try to limit their exposure while they are children and they live under my roof. I can say, "No."

[Diane]

Interesting! My 11 year old daughter has a cell phone. She has had it for one year. Why? Because she swims competitively and is at the pool 6 days a week. She knows that if we are ever late or her ride does not appear, she can contact us immediately. She is not permitted to use it to chat with her friends and knows that if she starts doing so and we are hit with a large bill, the phone will be taken away. Many kids in her class and in her swim club have cell phones for this reason.

As cell phones become more and more commonplace, I have noticed that fewer and fewer public phones are installed or maintained. This makes it even more critical that my children have alternatives.

I am sure it seems indulgent to some, and if you had asked me three years ago if my daughter would have a cell phone at age 10, I would have laughed in your face.

[Amy]

My daughter just turned eight and has already asked for a cellphone. She thinks it's "fun", like a toy. I would ONLY consider it if it were one that could be programmed to call me, her dad, home and 911. It would NOT have internet, it would not have a camera. And I think it would only be if she were in extra-curricular activities (that for SOME reason I wasn't staying with her for), and she needed to call me to tell me to come and get her. Otherwise, I am not going to allow her to be one of the 10-yr-old girls I saw at the mall the other day, all within viewing distance to each other, but talking to each other on their phones. Disturbing. Unecessary.

[Busy Mom]

I actually have a big post planned about this. But, somehow here in the U.S. kids having cell phones, no matter the reason, has oddly become a measure of parenting skill.

Cell phones are OK only for those "unfortunate" children of single parents, or, the sad children whose parents both work, for those parents can't supervise their children "properly".

OK, I won't write my post here on your site, but, I can get all worked up about it ;)

[sheilah]

Kind of torn about the cellphone issue. I guess I hadn't really thought about it too much as my son is still only 4. I guess I would probably get him one of the basic phone phones (no internet, not IM'ing, etc.) just for emergencies.

I am with Andrea though about the computers and TVs in the room though. The computer will be in an open area (playroom, family room, etc.) so that usage can be properly monitored precisely because of the crackpots, weirdos and pedophiles on the 'net.

[pehp]

I live in the US in a very safe, semi-rural/semi-suburban area. I have a cell phone, only through work, and my husband finally 'gave in' and allowed me to purchase a pay-as-you-go disposable phone (simply b/c it is a lower cost but still functioning/great when he needs it) for him because he has a long commute to and from work. We rarely use our phones, although we are definitely in the minority here (no one can believe we don't have phones that we use 24-7 or cable television, somehow we get along great without them). Safety was my only reason for getting my husband the cell phone, in case his 17-year old, 300,000 mile volvo breaks down on the interstate. I never call him on it--I certainly don't want to bug him w/ questions like 'can you pick up milk on the way home?' we just operate like people have for decades...without one! As for children--I think it really depends on the area where the child lives (safe or unsafe?) and the parents' schedules (the more hectic the schedule, the more convenient/better a cell phone seems). For us I anticipate that 12 will be too young, but I'd allow a pay-as-you-go version (they are cheaper but v. convenient) once they start to drive or are at an age where they are out driving w/ friends, so around 15-16. Basically for emergency use. A friend of mine chaperoned a trip to New York City w/ a group of 12-yearolds and there were a few kids (boys, interestingly) who spent the ENTIRE TRIP on the phones w/ their mothers, reporting on what was going on ('now we're walking down fifth avenue' and 'now we're eating dinner' etc, just ridiculous stuff--the trip was well-chaperoned by many, many parents and teachers w/ a great adult/child ratio) in that case it seems the cell phone serves as an umbilical cord--cut it! To me the main purpose of providing one would be for safety issues, and it depends on the area as to when the phone should be provided. I wouldn't allow my child to text her friends or use the phone for just general chatting. I know that may be an uphill battle, but we will see.

basically I'm all for cell phones at whatever age the parent feels the child needs it for safety, but I'm opposed to children being able to get cell phones that have all the 'bells and whistles' to communicate w/ their friends 24-7.

[Suzie-Q.]

I don't know yet what age will the *right* age to give my twins cell phones (they are only 2 now), but, they will definitely be getting them as I am a working only parent and it is useful for emergencies. I live in a very safe area in the suburbs in the U.S. and ALL the kids here have them too. And they are FANCY! With rhinestone covers and all!
I noticed recently that Disney has come out with a phone specifically designed for children that you can only pre-program up to 4 numbers into (i.e. Mom's cell, Dad's cell, home, 911) AND it has GPS capability so that the parents can go online and track where the kid is at all times.
I would probably get something like that when they are very young and then give them more freedom if they can handle it as they get older.

[Spacemom]

I expect to get the kids phones at some point. In the beginning, it would only be to call mom, dad, sis and emergency... That should cover it.

But as they get older, I can see letting a kid have more features. It depends on alot.. the age, the maturity,etc....

[Lou]

They are pretty popular in the states as well. I was at the park with my little ones the other day and saw two kids who couldn't have been more than 8 comparing cell phones!

When they are that little, shouldn't you just be watching them?

[Robin from TLOL]

I think your (everyone's) perspective may have to do with where we live. Here in Israel, cellphones are viewed more as a basic necessity than a luxury, and children here tend to be more independent from an earlier age. I would have no problem with giving my child a phone once they were ready, with reasonable caveats, i.e. as an earlier poster said, if I get hit with a ridiculous bill the phone gets taken away or drastically limited. I would also expect an older teen to pay towards the bill, the same way my sister and I paid for our phone line when I was a teen. I wouldn't rush out and get them the latest hi-tech phone, but I wouldn't do that for myself either. I would want them to have a way to contact me at any time when we're apart. I think as parents, our job is to help our children grow into independent and capable human beings. Slowly, and at a rate appropriate for both their age and level of maturity, but yes to grow apart from us. I'd rather teach my children to be capable on their own, WHEN THEY'RE READY, than to teach them to remain artificially dependent because it's more comfortable to me. As a teen, I know I constantly pushed the limits, well beyond the knowledge of my parents and well beyond what was safe. I'd rather develop a level of mutual trust and openness and keep those lines of communication open, to get to a place where I can *trust* my children to do what's right, rather than to suspect and mistrust and force them to go behind my back. Stopping now because this is going way off topic... Very thought-provoking post T.

[21stCenturyMom]

OF course 12 year olds are old enough for cell phones - I'm not going to argue that.

What is alarming about the story of the boy repeatedly dialing 911 or whatever it is in S. Africa is that his parents hadn't given him the memo on never, ever doing that. My kids knew that from an early age (before cell phones were invented!). My youngest did it 1 time and when the Sheriff showed up I invited him to scold her.

This kid should be in a long term world of hurt for what he did. You can't squeeze blood from a turnip so he'll never be able to refund the agencies that had to respond to the calls for the costs but he should have to work for free for a very long time.

[AmberLB]

I have been thinking about this issue a lot lately. My oldest child is turning 8, and I am thinking of getting him a phone with parental controls (i.e., programmable to call only 4 numbers) and GPS in the next year or so. We live in a rural area, my kids go to school near home, DH and I work in the nearest small city, and I also travel for my work. We cover a lot of ground, and since we all have sports/activities, we constantly have to coordinate who is where, who is picking up whom, etc. My son traveled for a regional spelling bee with his school recently, and was basically incommunicado for hours --- and the bus was several hours late getting back. We had no cell numbers to contact any teachers traveling with the group, and of course, the school itself was closed that late at night. I just happened to run into another parents at a nearby gas station (I had already been waiting for nearly two hours), who was friends with one teacher and had her personal cell phone number. She told me they would be back in about 3 hours. Otherwise, I would have continued waiting in the school parking lot, worried sick. If I had been able to call my child, I would have known sooner. This experience made me realize that with this kind of traveling, a cell phone (with limitations) is a good idea. Besides, I'd like to get him used to using a cell phone before he gets caught up in the teen thing!

[Rhonda]

Cell phones are a tool like anything else. A hammer can be used to build things or break things, so it all depends on intent.

Whether a kid has a cell phone should not be a referendum on parenting. If your kid needs to get in touch with you, they should have a way. Once upon a time, here in the US, it was always enough to have appropriate change for the pay phone (and woe betide you if you decided to spend it on candy instead). Now, that infrastructure is starting to disappear, and we need to accept that our kids will need other options.

[Liz]

I will give my kids cell phone too when they reach middle-school age. One for saftly reason, another probably make life easier to call about picking up and stuff.

[liz]

My kids got cell phones in middle school. I wouldn't have it any other way. They are both allowed to call friends and neither one ever goes over their minutes. I seem to be the only one that does that. They know and I know that their cell phones are all about ME and my peace of mind. It is just so handy to always be able to reach your kid.

[Judy]

This is such an interesting and multi-faceted topic. I'm with Busymom, though. I am working on a post about this...she and I will have to compare notes!

[Lynn]

As a 12 year old I commuted more than an hour each way to school, through some rough neighborhoods. I am 100% sure that if cell phones had been cheap and widely available at that time my mother would have gotten me one and it would have been a great relief to her and to me.

[heatherg]

Here in NZ kids never use their phones for talking, they just text (the deals are pretty cheap). I'm not a fan but I can see that kids get "out of the loop" socially pretty quickly if all the other kids have them.
By the time my son is 12 the technology will have moved on so far it's impossible to predict.

[margalit]

My kids got their first phones when they were a bit before 12 years old. Before that we used walkie-talkies from the time they were about 6, so that I was in contact with them even if they were in the next door neighbor's yard. I'm paranoid that way!

Where we live, kids all have cell phones, even the poor ones like my kids. It is absolutely necessary because we live in a streetcar suburb and the kids use the subway and busses to travel all around town. Recently I got a call from my son saying he was downtown in Boston and I almost died. But that is actually common, going into town to get a bite to eat. Oy!

I think 12 is just about the right age, especially if you are going to let your children go someplace on their own. In our town, the kids are all over town, so having phones is a requirement, especially since most pay phones are long gone.

[AussieAndrea]

Huge penetration of mobile phones into the Australian teen market as well - apparently we have one of the highest per capita uptakes of mobile phones down here... haven't read other comments, so sorry if that's repetititve... I'm all for kids with phones, but obviously with limits/conditions

[Laura(southernxy)]

There's an intermediate step, too. There can be a cell phone available for the kid when he's going somewhere and may need to call home, but not in his possession otherwise.

Totally, totally agree about not having internet access for kids in their rooms. In addition, until my daughter was 16 I had her passwords and I read her email - she knew I was doing it, and why. And I only stopped at 16 because it was clear to me that she was mature enough not to need monitoring. I think it's completely idiotic the way some people let the wide world have unfettered access to their kids. You still occasionally read about teenage girls who run away to rendezvous with perverts they met online.

[thrice]

For me it's about safety and convenience. When my oldest was taking the bus to summer camp, I can't tell you how thrilled I was that the bus counselor would call to say the bus was running late or if I was running late and he would call to say "where are you, we're waiting."

Not to mention that cell phones are cheap, these days. It's just $10/month for an extra phone on my family plan. My oldest isn't getting one yet. I don't know when is going to be the right time, but then again I don't think it's going to take much thought. As with anything else, it's how it is used that is a big deal.

[Miranda]

I got my first cell/mobile phone when I was 18, as I began to go out more and stay nights away from home with little or no warning. Previous to that my mother had to have all of my friends home and cell numbers so she could contact me. My younger two brothers got phones at a younger age, as mum realised that once mobiles came into use, it was easier to keep track of us.

However we were all (I think my brother who works has since changed to a capped plan) have pre-paid phones which we have been responsible for keeping 'charged' with our own money so that we can call or text when we want.

Regarding the whole 'right age' issue, it really depends on the child in question, whether they have long commutes to school/friends etc, and whether they are prepared to accept the responsibility of paying for their calls.

[FishyGirl]

I think as a parent you have to know your child and evaluate the circumstances. My 7 year old has been asking for a cell phone since school started this year, but she has no need for it so far and she isn't mature enough to handle it. DH and I have been talking about it, though, and as she gets older and she and the other kids start to have more activities (she is the oldest of 4, so the littles don't have many activities yet), we will get her one of the phones that can only call 4 or so pre-programmed numbers - mom, dad, home, and 911. That way we can coordinate rides and make sure she is safe.

I do think that there should be a token punishment for the parents involved in the situation you talked about, because they clearly didn't drive home the message that calling emergency svcs when not needed was NEVER okay. My kids have known that since before they could dial 911 themselves. The child needs to be punished, too, but it shouldn't be too severe - community service as a ride along with emergency services should scare him straight. Oh, yeah, and washing every firetruck in town. Twice.

[jennifer]

I live in Southern Illinois (US) in a very rural area. Most people here do a lot of driving, and frequently there are wrecks that go undiscovered for several hours or longer. My husband insisted that I carry a cell phone when driving, and I have a booster antennae for it so I can pull signal in more remote areas. (I travel for work daily) My kids are 7 and 6 and I expect they will get their own phones in the next couple of years, after they demonstrate the ability to carry a wallet without losing it. I like the idea of a limited function phone, so I'll have to look into that when the time comes.

[angel]

very interesting indeed... my damien has had a cellphone for three years now (he'll be 16 in april). mainly because i sent him to private schools that weren't as close to home as most kids were doing. he has a limited contract and i have not activated his internet or wap access... so he can't download anything and he can't spend more than a certain amount of money a month.

[marta]

You write: Lastly, a lot of South African’s don’t have access to landlines.

The apostrophe in African's is redundant. Keep the good semi-literate work.

I can't help but wonder about the state of the obviously starved state of the literary market in South Africa. Why would they choose to publish the book of an author who is having a hard time recognizing simple possessive clause from plural form of a common noun.

[Tertia]

Thanks Marta, that was a very useful comment. I think you really got to the core of the issue here and offered some very valuable insights. Your positive, considered contribution is exactly what is needed in this kind of debate.

Really useful. Thank’s!

Regarding your very valid concerns around “the obviously starved state of the literary market in South Africa and why we would choose to publish the book of an author who is having a hard time recognizing simple possessive clause from plural form of a common noun.” – Well, it is probably a third world thing. What else can one expect from a nation of savages? One day, when we are grown up and civilized like you, we too will recognize our simple possessive clauses from plural forms of a common noun.

Until then we use that quaint little concept called EDITING THE FUCKING BOOK you moron.

What a stupid fucking comment. Get over yourself.

[danni]

ha. told marta. suck. you rock tertia

[L.]

Aha! Found it. I read the top post and thought, I knew if I looked, I would find a recent troll comment.

Armchair analysis: perhaps "Marta" is a writer herself, and is jealous and upset that no one is publishing her work despite her impeccable spelling and grammar? If that`s true, then it must be something else, like....perhaps what she has to say.

[Kay]

Why does Marta have to "wonder" about the state of the "obviously starved" state of the literary market of South Africa? I mean, it's (it is) obvious, right? Why wonder?

Tertia misplaced an apostrophe. Marta can't (can not) even grasp the self-proclaimed obvious.

Tertia wins. ;)

[e]

Certainly sounds like sour grapes to me...

[kathleen999]

And I think she meant to write, "keep up" instead of "keep." Because "Keep the good semi-literate work" does not make sense. Keep it where? For whom?

Wow, even she made a mistake! Amazing.

[AussieAndrea]

"Why would they choose to publish the book of an author who is having a hard time recognizing simple possessive clause from plural form of a common noun."

Oh look who forgot the question mark at the end of their question... fucking hypocrite!

[dawn]

"state" of the...."state"?

Isn't the duplicate use of the word "state" in Marta's comment redundant?

What an asshole!

[mar]

Seriously? Seriously???

If you're worried about punctuation, grammar, and just plain civilized conversation, Marta dear - just re-read your own comment. Frankly, I'm more worried about the state of schooling and literacy in whatever cave you grew up in ... I hope it's not near my neighborhood!!

Yes, I know - we shouldn't feed the trolls. But when a troll sends up a softball as easy as that one, I can't help but take a swing!!

[Suzie-Q.]

Oh, Marta~
If I misspell arsehole do you think that means you are not one?
:)

[socal]

Marta doesn't seem to be able to grasp the very simple concept of article adjectives either. They really are the building blocks of the English language.

Marta, I think you should start* at the beginning and learn* the importance of the very simple, yet critical, role that the words 'a', 'an', and 'the' play in the English language.

*Note the parallel construction of the sentence. 'Start' and 'Learn' are the same verb forms. Hint: They aren't gerunds or mixed forms. Gerunds are verbs with the 'ing' ending, you classless nimrod.

You are a bitter ass who for some reason believes that Tertia deserves your extremely petty 'observations'. I pity you. What is missing in your life that would prompt you to lash out at someone for being human?

That being said, have a lovely day and I hope you begin to realize what a tremendous bitch you are. There is still time to correct that unattractive character trait. Have you fallen away from your New Year's resolution already?

[bryan]

Good that we can all get rid of some of the bile we've got stored up. In Marta's case, by nitpicking an irrelevant grammar error, and in everyone else's (including mine) by hating Marta for being such a twit... :-)