Hey….um, You!

The kids are at the stage where they repeat every thing we say.  Good for growing that ever increasing vocabulary, bad for swearing. Looks like I will have to replace ‘fuck’ as my favourite word soon.  Fuck! Damn!

 This whole parrot behaviour has raised yet another little parenting dilemma that I never anticipated: What the fuck heck do I call Marko?  Well, besides “asshole”, but that is my private love name for him.  I mean what do I call him when I am calling him?

 When I am not yelling “hey asshole, get your ass over here”, I usually call him by his name.  As one would. All good and well, except Kate is now calling him Marko too.  She knows he is “daddy”, but she has recently found out that he also answers to the name Marko. So she walks around calling “Marko, MARKO”. Marko is not amused.  Well actually he is, because it is very cute, but he really would prefer being called “daddy” by his kids.  We aren’t into that new age shit of calling your parents by their first names.  Hell, I don’t even like my kids to call other grownups by their first name.  I am old fashioned that way. 

 I really don’t want to call Marko “daddy” when I am calling him.  I don’t mind referring to him as “daddy” when I am speaking to the kids, but calling him “daddy” as his name seems creepy.  I know a couple who have grown up kids and they STILL call each other “mom” and “dad”, even when the kids aren’t there. That is just a little off to me. 

 Today Adam locked myself and Kate out the house and stood crying behind the security gate because he couldn’t get to us.  So I had to stand there, watching both of them on either side of the gate, and yell to Marko to come and save us.  Naturally he chose to ignore the first 37 calls because apparently, while he can hear me whisper to my sister on the phone when I am trying to have a moan about him, he can not hear me yell at the top of my voice when I am calling him from a few meters away.  I told the kids that we need to call daddy to come open the door for us, and started with calling “daddy”, but I couldn’t bring myself to yell it loud enough and with enough irritation, and so resorted to “Marko” in that clipped, annoyed tone I am so good at.  Kate promptly joined in and started yelling “Mark-ko” with me.  He heard that.

 What do you do? What do you call your husband when you are with your kids, yelling to him from across the yard?  Do you call him by his first name or do you call him “daddy”?  Or are you the perfect wife and you never yell?   

Comments

[Chelsea]

Don't worry, it will go away. My kids used to call MY dad "dad" or "daddy". Needless to say, we got some very strange looks when we were out with the family. I just called everyone what I always called them and then corrected my boys when they repeated me. Kinda confusing at first, but it worked.

[Ingrid]

Ooooh, among the first.

I've never addressed the kiddo's dad as "Dad" - that seems really icky and wrong, somehow. I always use his name, and yes, I yell.

The boyos went through a brief period of mimicking me and using his name but that went away quickly.

[Egg Donor]

My parents always called each other by their first names and we always called them mom and dad. I'm sure a few corrections "don't call me Marko. Call me dad" will set things straight quickly.

[Em]

When its just us talking to each other about adult things in front of the children, I will call him by his first name.

Fortunatly (or unfortunatly), that NEVER happens when the kids are awake anymore. If I am talking for the benefit of the kids to my husband, I will call him Daddy but my whole tone of voice changes "Hey, Daddy, did you hear the great thing that happened to Evie today at school?" It isn't like I call him Daddy in bed or anything - blech.

I did give him a few nicknames that I will call him in less black and white situations that the kids did adopt and its kind of cute plus, I can say it sarcastically enough that it isn't creepy. It started with Daddio and has evolved to include, occassionally, Daddio McFaddio.

Before getting used to it (or maybe it was before my own kids, with other's kids where it felt VERY weird to call the man Daddy), I would just add a "your" to the beginning. Changes everything. Much easier to say to a child in front of a neighbor or friend, "where's YOUR Daddy" than just "where's Daddy". That doesn't much help with shouting from behind a locked gate though.

Once the parroting phase ends, though, they'll get that they call Marko Daddy and you don't. At the same time, the more you have to say it, the less awkward it feels.

[Amy]

When our daughter (firstborn) started talking, she called me Amy (yet still called her Daddy "Daddy"). How heartbreaking! We would parrot "Mommy! Mommy!" and she'd smile, then call me Amy. Then she started calling any female (her aunt, her grandma) "Amy". It became endearing. She heard everyone calling me by my name, so that's what she did. I'm not sure when it changed, but very soon she started calling me Mommy (she also learned early on that we have NAMES as well as being Mommy & Daddy, and what they were). Our son (secondborn) always called me Mommy, but I believe that's because he heard our daughter always calling me Mommy (and we're still working on teaching him that we have names, so when people say "What's your Mommy's name?", he knows the right answer). I don't believe in calling each other Mommy & Daddy, the kids will realize who we mean. And being a perfect wife doesn't mean you don't yell sometimes hehehehe. Men and selective hearing.

[liz]

Now I have a mental image of your family running around playing Marco Polo -- do you play that game there? I call my husband by his first name when I am speaking to him and daddy or dad if I am referring to him when speaking to my children. I'm sure it won't be an issue for long.

[Kel]

One of the first questions you get asked as a gay parent is, "But, what are the kids going to call you???" As though that were such a huge probelm, you just should give up on the whole idea, right now.

But Mommy Kelly and Mommy Veronica have worked from day, oh, about 380 on for everyone (and really all those syllables in Mommy Veronica were probably a challenge). I refer to V as Mommy Veronica when I am including the children in my statement (as Em does), "Tell Mommy Veronica what happened at school today..."

When Nicholas turned 4, he thought for about two weeks it was cool to call me "Kel" (how V addresses me), but I just said, "I want to be called Mommy Kelly, pllleaaseee." and he got over it.

Kel

[Judy]

I wouldn't worry about it - like a few others have said they will figure it out. Our youngest runs to the door when we're looking for "Daddy" and yells "Kaaaawt!" "Kaaaaawt!" (Scott) because that is what he hears ME do. But, he has since figured out that Kaaaawt is actually Daddy, and when that man walks through the door at the end of the day, the screams of DADDY! can be heard a block away.

Do I call my husband "daddy"? Heck no. But, I do refer to him as YOUR daddy. They get it. Eventually.

[Angie]

I have kids from my first marriage and one from my 2nd. My kids from the first marriage call my husband by his first name, Christopher. Of course, that's all the baby ever hears, so now he calls him Christopher, too. We figure he'll get over it eventually. :)

PS. This thread should be called "Who's Your Daddy?"

[Beachgal]

I use a mix of both, but I try not to do it unless I'm referring to him with the kids. I don't walk around calling him Daddy for no reason. And my son also realized mama and daddy have names, and he will call us them if he hears the other say it first. I'm not too worried about it, either way.

[Jessica]

Like the others have said, I think referrng to a parent by their first name is a phase that goes away. However, one thing that reaaly helped us make it stop faster was explaining that Daddy and Mommy are special names that only M (and now B) are allowed to call us. Anyone can use our given names, but only they are special enough to call us Mommy and Daddy. Now every once and a while M will use our given names for effect, but for the most part explaining how specail she was to be able to call us Mom and Dad worked like a charm.

When I am addressing him, I refer to my husband by his given name almost all of the time in front of the kids. But I do say things to them like, "Let's go see if that is Daddy coming in the front door." Or occasionally, if M is calling him and he is not answering, I will also chime in with a "Daddy, M really wants YOU to come help her with her bath," but that is mostly just to let him know that I know he isn't responding to her. Also works like a charm!

[Hannah]

I'm 25 and my mom still refers to my dad as "daddy" when she talks about him. My daughter isn't old enough to talk yet, but I'm sure I'll refer to the hubby as daddy to her, and just call him James when I call him, which she undoubtedly will also take to calling him.

[gkk]

I think the key is as you say in your post "he also answers to Marko". When it is coming from the kids, he shouldn't answer to it. My kids have both tried calling me by my name now and again but they quickly figure out they don't get whatever it is they are after unless they call me Mummy. The only time I call DH "Daddy" is when the kids are trying to get his attention and he engrossed in the football or whatever - then I'll join in the chorus of Daddy! until he answers.

[kathleen999]

I call him Daddy when talking to the kids about him, or when I am speaking for what they want. "Daddy! Nicky wants you!" That sort of thing. But never do I call him Daddy when I am addressing him for myself. That would be weird. Unless I am kidding...sometimes that happens.

[Amy M.]

It's funny that you've posted this ... my dh and I are struggling with the same thing. Our little boy doesn't seem to use anything but 'dad' but our little Meighan calls him Paul all the time. He wants me to call him daddy so that they will but I just feel funny about it. I refer to him as daddy to them but I just can't seem to bring myself to call him daddy all the time. Definately feels weird. So, I'll be interested in seeing what everyone here says about how they handle it ...

[blackbird]

I think it is inappropriate for the babes to call grown-ups by their first names...he should be daddy or papa or whatever.
But there is no reason for you to call him daddy - you should tell Kate that she is to refer to him as daddy, that it is not nice behavior (or whatever you call it) to use his grown-up name.

[Kez]

Since DS was born I have referred to DH as Daddy. I rarely call him by his real name anyway - for the last 15 years he's been "babe" or "dear". Looking forward to the day DS goes running up to DH in the mall yelling "Baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaabe"!!! ;)

[Missie]

Reading your pots, my gut reaction was to respond to each of Kate's "Marko"'s with a "Polo". I can hear the echoes throught your home. Your poor husband, I'm sure, would not be amused. (Do you all play Marco Polo is SA?)

[Chickenpig]

Hmmmm. Very interesting post. I haven't thought about this, our babies are only 9 months old. When I refer to my husband I always say "Here's Daddy" or "Daddy's home", but I also think it's creepy to refer to your spouse as "Daddy" or "Mommy". I realized reading this, that I rarely refer to my husband by name unless I'm talking about him to someone else, or if I have to really get his attention as you described in your post. Most of the time I call him "sweetie" or something like that...but never "asshole"

[jill]

I lovingly call my husband 'mother fucker', so I guess it's good that we don't have kids. I rarely use his name, preferring either baby or the above motherfucker. I take comfort in the fact that the dogs will never repeat that when we go to the park

One of the dogs loves to deliver things to us (notes, socks, remote controls, etc). So a lot of times we'll send him with something and say "Go take this to Mommy" or "Take it to Daddy". But we don't call each other Mommy or Daddy.

We work together (teach). So if I have to send a student to his room, or whatever, I have to say "Go give this to Mr. Mott". Calling my husband by his last name, is for me, way more weird than using mommy/daddy to the dogs. Sometimes I can't even say it and will say stupid things like, "Take this to the art teacher" or "Go to room 503."

[Leah]

We are dealing with the same issue! Chloe gets a huge kick out of calling her daddy "Mike." And when she's annoyed with me she screams, "Leee-uuhhhh."

So, we've started calling each other "mommy" and "daddy" in front of the kids. Yes, even when I'm yelling at him to stop playing Madden and come help me with the baby.

I just don't think Chloe's old enough to get that she's being rude or whatever. In another year we'll be able to rationally explain things to her, right? :)

[andrea]

Sadly DH and I do it all the time, and worse I have started calling my parents Nanny & Pa

[Keri]

When I was younger, I used to call my dad "Bill" because that's what everybody else called him! I didn't understand why I had to be different. Of course my dad was a little upset about that but it was just a phase I went through. I went back to calling him "Daddy" eventually. My mother usually refers him as "your father." She's very formal like that. =P

[Jujubee]

I'm with you on not calling your spouse "Dad." My in-laws do that and it creeps me out. I think you should just tell Kate to call Marko "Daddy." She'll get it eventually.

[k]

Someone above mentioned "Daddy-o" and, for whatever reason, that is what I call my husband in front of my kids.

I have a hard time calling him "dad" or "daddy" (as in "Daddy, come over here and help us do this puzzle,"), but calling him Daddy-o feels more like a "nickname" and it's something our 3-year-old knows is MY name for him (he doesn't call him Daddy-o), while he continues to call him Dad or Daddy.

I don't know. Obviously wouldn't work for everyone. It just kind of stuck at our house.

[Miranda]

Even 20 years on, my parents still refer to each other as they always have to me "your father" or "your mother" and as far as I'm aware always called each other their given names, as well as far less desireable ones, to their face. Somehow i still managed to learn their real names, and that I call them mum and dad...

Although in public now, I will often use their first name, especially in shops and there are other kids also hollering for mum and dad, it gets a much quicker response.

[baseballmom]

When my oldest son was 3, I did home daycare, and since his friends all called me by my first name, he started doing it too. It really bugged me at first, but then I ignored it and he stopped eventually. It'll go away, I promise!

[Andy]

I think adults referring to each other as "mum" and "dad" (like my inlaws do) is more inappropriate than kids using our first names. I don't mean when my mum says "go ask your dad" etc but when they talk to each other like "dad, where's the milk". I'm convinced my ILs call each other mum and dad even when none of their kids are about.

I have discovered recently that I call my dh "babe" more than I thought I did - I learned this due to hearing my 22mth old calling out "babe" to dh like I do. I don't correct him, I just use "where's daddy" or "where's your daddy" (I'm tempted to use "who's your daddy" but it might give the neighbours the wrong idea LOL). It's just a novelty to him and he switches between Babe and Daddy. He also called my Dad "dad" while we were staying with my parents last month - probably because he hears me call him that. The embarassing thing is that my Dad is only 19 years older than me (the infertility curse skipped my parents, I'm a love child) and he could well be the father so I encourage my kids to call him Grumps (his bizarre choice of name) as much as possible.

As for yelling, well I do that as much as needed. And the odd fuck ends up in the sentence. But the funny thing is that my kids haven't picked that word up yet. My 7yo even came home from school telling me that he had heard about an "F word" but didn't know what it was, which surprised me.

As for Kate - I think she is just using Marko's name for the novelty of it.

[jodie]

It's a phase, I wouldn't worry about it. Just keep reminding her. I call my husband by his first name, when I'm talking to the kids I'll say "Go give this to Daddy". And sometimes, for the benefit of the kids I might say "Daddy, can you help Emma with this please?" but I usually use a different tone.

My daughter called my husband by his first name for awhile, and now at 4 she thinks it's more appropriate to introduce us to others as "Jodie" and "Chris"! Which makes sense, because I'm not Mum to a stranger. But she calls us Mum and Dad to our face.

[jade]

My older daughter went through a stage of wanting to use our names but she soon got over it. She occasionally calls my husband some of the other nick names I call him but asking her not to seems to work. When she was younger and just learning though, she thought it was fantastically funny to call us the things we didn't want to be called. It eventually wore off. I think that's pretty common.

[MIJK]

It will go away. Son uses it only when we don't responde to mom or dad after several attempts..

[jodie]

Oh, and on the swearing thing. My niece, at nearly three, picked up some choice terms from my sis and her husband. My sister asked her to come away from the road and the reply? "Oh, Fuck that". And talking to Grandma on the phone, considering the conversation was now over, "OK Grandma, fuck off now". Funny thing is, she's now 8 and such a prude. I can't even say bum.

If I'm yelling out, I use my husband's first name. But when talking to the kids "Can you take that to Daddy, please".

[Kay]

Am a perfect wife with a lovely yell.

I call my husband David if it's a grown-up conversation. If we are asking him a question about a family activity - I will sometimes/often use Daddy when the kids are around. Something like - let's ask Daddy - hey Daddy, what are we going to do today?

Jake - my almost 4 year old knows our 1st names - and he tries to call us by them. We just correct him and tell him that we are Mommy and Daddy.

I think it is a GOOD thing for kids to know their parents' real names. Especially if they were to get lost in public. They could tell the authority to page Kay or David - not Mommy or Daddy.

[Twice]

My aunt and uncle call each other mom and dad. Ick. I hate that as I think it says "you are the kids mother/father" as opposed to "you are my spouse." Funny thing is, they do this in e-mails where my mom (my uncle is her brother) and I are on the list too. Also, they moved many states away from their kids to enjoy their retirement and they still do this when they are alone. My grandparents did this too, and my mom hated it. She made my husband promise never to call me "Mom" and always call me by my first name.

My hubby and I also have potty mouths - fuck being a favorite. We searched for evidence that the kids would not copy us, but it was to no avail. In fact, one couple we know said they changed their language after their 3 year old daughter yelled "fuck!!" after dropping a bowl of popcorn. We have adopted modified rules - i.e. we try substitutes when the words are being used in a descriptive fashion with forethought. And when there is no forethought involved or no substitute will do, we simply don't draw their attention to it. So far, dispite hearing a lot of fucks and shits, they have not copied them (twins are 2 yr, 3 mo). I'm sure they will eventually, and when they do, we plan to tell them they are words for adults. We'll see how that goes.

[JennyK]

If if we're in front of the kids and I'm talking to DH, I call him by his first name, unless I'm doing that passive-aggressive "Daddy is going to get you a cup of milk now" hint to him that never seems to work.

DD figured out a while ago that we each have real names that others call us. It freaks us out to hear her use them and I usually just tell her, "Yes, that's my name, but you and your brother are the ONLY people in the world who get to call me Mommy." That usually fixes it.

[Andrea]

My grandpa, who is 74, calls my grandma "Momma"; he uses it as a term of endearment, and I think it's incredibly sweet.

[MollieBee]

hehehe. Stinker calls me Mommy and hubby by his first name. She has ever since she was a baby.

Stinker: "Hi Mommy, Hi Eric!"
Hubby: "Why can't I be daddy?!"

[j]

I kinda do both. But when I call him "daddy" it is mostly sort of mocking. "Hey, daddy, come see what kind of mess your daugther made." I only call him daddy when I am shouting for him. I think because he pays more attention than if I call him by name. The kids will frequently call us by our first names, because that is what they hear us call each other almost all the time. But I would never ever call him daddy when there were no kids around. Couples who do that are creepy.

[debi]

my nephew called his dad benji till he was about four. it was especially funny as we'd all refer to him as 'your daddy' and he'd say:'who? you mean benji?' i think he's got it figured out now though. his dad insisted on being called daddy, so that may have helped. i second the idea of not responding to the first name, that should teach them pretty quickly. i also second that calling your partner mommy or daddy is pretty creepy!

[Lesley]

I haven't even read the post yet. I just wanted to chime in that your title- "Hey, um...you!" is said in my house multiple times a day by my 2 year old. The "you" he's referring to is himself though.

[Heather]

Whenever Lauren would call us by our first names, we say, "No, you can call me Mom/Daddy". I don't like being called Mom by my husband. When I talk about him to my daughter, I say "your daddy".

[Heather]

Sorry, Tertia...had another thought...

Recently, my 4-year-old was calling me "Mother". I don't particularly like that, so I said, "I prefer to be called Mom". The next time she called me mother, I said, "It is not polite to call someone by a name they've asked you not to." And the third time: "If you call me mother again, I will call you by a name you don't like to be called." That did it...

[Suzie-Q.]

On topic/off topic: My 19 month old, Evan, locked my Nanny out of the house while she was on the patio last weekend and i was on my first vacation since the twins were born... how would you like to have gotten that phone call?! hee hee! ;)
Re; names... well, i still can't get mine to call me mommy. They don't call me anything, so, i suppose that is better than being called by my first name!
xoxo

[Lizelle]

Wouldn't worry too much - My son (now 2 1/2) called my husband Andrew and me Lizelle for a couple of months when he was that age. He is now back to calling us mommy and daddy - we didn't make a fuss about it, just stuck to "take this to daddy" "go and ask mommy" etc.

[stephanie]

If I called my husband daddy, he would probably wet himself from laughing so hard. That would be like his porn dream come true. Sorry, no way!

[abogada]

My daughter repeats all the swearwords too. She just zeros right in on that, like she knows that it's something that is forbidden.

I refer to my husband as "daddy" when she's around. But not always. My daughter will try to use his first name, but he doesn't respond to it for her. Come to think of it, I think my husband almost always refers to me now as "mommy." Yikes -- that IS rather creepy.

[Beth in Michigan]

Of course I am the perfect wife at all times, in fact I...Whoa! What was that, was that lightening? Damn. That was close. Excuse me I, uh, need to turn off the smoke alarm.

[Beth in Michigan]

p.s. For the record, T, when I need something his name is "Sweetie" as in, "Sweetie, can you reach the smoke alarm?" When I'm delegating he's "Daddy" as in "Please tell Daddy to turn off the fucking smoke alarm!" But usually it's just "DammitJohn" as in "DammitJOHN, WHY THE HELL IS THE SMOKE ALARM STILL GOING?!" Ahem.

[and baby makes four]

Connor called me Kristina for 2 years. Although I would have preferred Mommy, I didn't see any reason to correct him (it is my name after all...and it is adorably cute)...then one day at 3 1/2 he just switched and called me Mommy for the first time. I have no idea why.

I've known lots of kids that do this...it will pass on its own time. But if you aren't willing to wait 2 years (and I don't blame you) you can always gently correct.

[Mel]

We went through a loooooong stage where my daughter loved calling out this entire thought on continual loop: "Josh. Josh. Oh Josh! Not Josh. No. Daddy. Not Josh. Mommy say Josh. Not Josh. Daddy. No. Josh. Josh." Which amused me to no end, especially when my husband leaned over her and said, "it's Daddy. Just Daddy." And she would reply, "okay, Just Daddy Not Josh."

I don't know. I noticed recently that now (at 2) she has grown out of it. But it lasted for months.